Constantly Teetering on Divorce

[HeartShapedGuitar]

I really need some help.

I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.

I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.

I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.

As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.

The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.

If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.

Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)

So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"

I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"

"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."

This make me livid.

I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.

I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.

Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.

He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.

He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.

Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.

Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.

There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.

So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."

He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.

It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.

Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.

And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)

My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.

My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.

And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.

He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.

The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.

Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.

I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.

Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.

It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.

I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.

I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.


I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus

There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

 

[Gideon300]

I really need some help.

I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.

I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.

I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.

As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.

The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.

If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.

Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)

So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"

I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"

"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."

This make me livid.

I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.

I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.

Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.

He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.

He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.

Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.

Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.

There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.

So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."

He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.

It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.

Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.

And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)

My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.

My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.

And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.

He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.

The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.

Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.

I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.

Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.

It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.

I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.

I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.


I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus

There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

Divorce is often the result of accumulated offences that have not been dealt with. Even worldly psychology knows how important it is to forgive. What they can't tell you is how to forgive. This article will help you: https://www.christianlife.org.au/can-you-forgive-from-your-heart

It can take as little as a year for a good relationship to turn sour to the point of divorce. It does not have to be this way.

We have to forgive every hurt, every time, even if it the same offence day after day. This is true whether we are married or not. It's just easier to be offended by those we are close to.

I also recommend that you and your husband sit down and watch Mark Gungor together. You will understand each other better and be entertained by a man who could easily have been a professional comedian.

We do well to remember why we married that particular person in the first place. There must have been something that attracted you. Focus on those things and be thankful to God for them. Above all else, don't try to change him. It's "Aisle, Altar, Hymn" during the ceremony. That changes to "I'll alter him" all too often. If he does not change, you resent him. If he does change, "Your not the man I married!"

Apart from the preceding, all you can do is trust the Lord Jesus to work it out for your good. Divorce is the last resort and only if he gives you the right grounds. It's hard enough when you are justified. I know from experience.

If you do this right, every time he says or does something that upsets you, it will be as if it was the first time. We can deal with that. We can't deal with "here we go again............." It is like poison.

You get your side right and let God work in your husband. If he's like I was, he is a sensitive as a brick and does not realise how much you are hurting. A lot of men are unaware of what makes a woman tick. Mark Gungor is one who does know. No, I am not paid to say this! Just kidding....

 

[TheIndianGirl]

You have said that he wants to divorce. Do you think he is just saying that, or means it? Would you want to divorce is that is an option? Is the main issue that he is not willing to let you spend time with your family? Or do you also resent him for giving up on your dreams as you mentioned above. How close do you live to your family and how often do you visit currently? Is your husband open to having your family over in your house? It seems like because he doesn't get along with his family, he doesn't want you to get along with your family either.

I think the next step is counseling. Is your husband open to this?

 

[tourist]

You have said that he wants to divorce. Do you think he is just saying that, or means it? Would you want to divorce is that is an option? Is the main issue that he is not willing to let you spend time with your family? Or do you also resent him for giving up on your dreams as you mentioned above. How close do you live to your family and how often do you visit currently? Is your husband open to having your family over in your house? It seems like because he doesn't get along with his family, he doesn't want you to get along with your family either.

I think the next step is counseling. Is your husband open to this?

These are all good questions that will allow for informed counsel.

 

[Magenta]

He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.

He is the one being selfish. He did not want to go in the first place, and uses your desire to spend
more time once there as a reason to scuttle the trip completely, and then blame you for it. It is a
fairly common ploy of manipulators in emotionally abusive relationships: "This is all your fault."

 

[Magenta]

Since he did not want to go, and clearly does not want to spend any
time with your family, is it possible you could ever go without him?
You have made it clear your family is important to you, and not spending
time with them is unacceptable. He has made it equally clear he does not
want to spend any time with them. A compromise of this sort seems fair.

 

[SophieT]

I noticed in your bio that you state you are separated

are you separated? I'm wondering because if you are, then things have changed

maybe let us know

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I really need some help.

I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.

I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.

I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.

As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.

The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.

If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.

Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)

So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"

I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"

"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."

This make me livid.

I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.

I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.

Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.

He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.

He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.

Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.

Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.

There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.

So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."

He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.

It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.

Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.

And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)

My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.

My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.

And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.

He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.

The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.

Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.

I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.

Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.

It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.

I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.

I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.


I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus

There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

Keep in context that most marriages struggle in the first 5 years. Especially for young couples as much of the world's troubles are new and the wisdom or maturity needed to properly handle them is not yet achieved.

Marriage is learning to love a new individual in a state of change. Meaning we never stay the same as we age. We must always step back and examine who we are now and who our spouse has become as well.

Love is an action. I good book I read spoke on that a man should learn to love while the woman should learn to respect.

Women love naturally but learning to respect the man's authority is much harder.

Men respect easier like they typically respect the woman who is a good mother or works hard around the house/job but showing love is harder for the man as his chemistry is different.

Communication is extremely important and often better received in a letter where your thoughts can be thought out and your emotion/ physical gestures are absent.

Divorce is messy especially with children involved and the Bible has instructions on when that is allowed.

Marriage is hard as it is God designed and a system that Satan loves to manipulate and attack. Guard your marriage as if your life depended on it.

Remember in marriage to become one flesh is more than physical but spiritual. You are told to leave father and mother. This means in your commitment to marriage, you have accepted your spouse to be your family now. God first, husband second, and wife 3rd. Not that you are to be restricted in seeing your parents or restricted in value but that you have taken new responsibilities.

Love is contagious. Love even when it is difficult and in less your husband no longer loves you, then you will see a change. Focus on the words patience, grace, forgiveness, and servitude. Like Jesus, this is the best way to a callious heart.

Biblical therapy is always good and if he refuses or keeps speaking of divorce try some time away from each other as in work on the marriage in a stable environment until y'all are healthy enough to live together again.

In less of death, adultery, an unbelieving spouse asks for a divorce, or domestic abuse should the end of marriage be allowed.

I do agree you should be able to see your parents and maybe have them come see you?

 

[Magenta]

Men respect easier like they typically respect the woman who is a good mother...

I don't think children were mentioned...

 

[Roughsoul1991]

I don't think children were mentioned...

So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise.

I assumed but maybe the kids are not her kids.

 

[Magenta]

I assumed but maybe the kids are not her kids.

Thank you for the correction! I did read that, yet in focusing in on other points of the lengthy OP, had forgotten it by the time I made that post, to which I wished to add, that a decent man would respect his wife's ability to properly nurture their children, while an emotionally abusive man would find a way to twist even that into fodder for beratement.

 

[Roughsoul1991]

Thank you for the correction! I did read that, yet in focusing in on other points of the lengthy OP, had forgotten it by the time I made that post, to which I wished to add, that a decent man would respect his wife's ability to properly nurture their children, while an emotionally abusive man would find a way to twist even that into fodder for beratement.

I agree. Young men who act childish either in age or mentally is unfortunately becoming the norm in our society. Boys grow up without fathers (good fathers)( also girls grow up without a good father gives them no one to judge against), boys are influenced by the culture to be self absorbed, to have everything on demand, and to have all the pleasures without putting in the hard work (of course, girls are also being taught this), lack of mentors in the culture, and an education system without an objective morality.

The Bible teaches discipleship. A older man or more mature man should have injected himself into her husbands life. He needs guidance.

I got married right out of high school and we are looking at 8 years married. I would be lying if I said I wasn't immature for the first few years. Keep in mind we also had our first child right after being married. We both have come a long way but I also made myself moldable by older men and the Words of God. It took time especially to learn the changes of personality we went through from teen to adult.

My wife put up with a lot as my car accident totally changed me. I was angry, sad, confused, anxious, and at a loss for hope. She many nights often helped me around the house when my nerves would lock up. And unfortunately, sometimes out of pain I was rude or impatient with her.

God it is not fun looking back but where we are is 10× better. Of course, It is also due to my testimony of how so much has healed or changed.

I feel for these men but especially the women who just wanted their knight in shining armor, you know? Dreams are broken and one day you are sitting at the table with unpaid bills, a baby crying in your ear, and your man on the couch watching football or playing Xbox for the 10th hour of the day.

I just wish I knew then what I know now. I wish now that dealing with teenage boys of my own how to protect them from a culture that tells them basically every sexual act is good, there is no objective morality, and the cancel culture/toxic masculinity is trying to make men into women. They are bombarded with this stuff. Seeing them try to fight and lose to temptation is difficult.

Of course, at some point men can not blame anything but themselves and the choices they make. But we all know how much parenting, the environment and genetics has to play on an individuals upbringing.

Our boys who are to grow up to be men. Men of the household. Husbands, fathers, soldiers, firemen, police, doctors, mechanics, plumbers, etc need desperately a strong home, a healthy society, and healthy genetics.

 

[Godsgirl83]

I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

I can certainly understand how and why this has you frazzled.
First off, let me just say that I have been married nearly 15 years and have, at times (especially early on) found myself asking similar questions. But, really, divorce is seldom the answer. (yeah, I know that's going to ruffle some feathers around here.) I've found myself contemplating the idea due to my own hurt feelings over the years. But you know what? Satan loves to destroy lives, and break apart families. As wives, when our feelings are hurt , and we're down and crying over our own hurts and what we feel as injustices that is a prime time that the devil tries to sneak in and convince us to just throw it all away and start over. And from what I've seen when people do cave in and do such, it only leads to more pain and heartache than the current situation.
I feel pretty confident in being able to say this to you, because as I mentioned above, I've been there in those moments of contemplating the green grass on the other side, and as painful as it was at times, I swallowed my pride, got over myself (sought the Lord in A LOT of prayer) came out stronger on the other side and can stand and testify to what the Lord can do and has done!!!! He is our Healer in every situation (spiritual, physical, emotional).

You've unloaded a lot here, and even though thoughts of what advice to give to you came flooding my mind all throughout reading, there is one thing particular that jumps out at me, so I will focus (for now) on that.

You mention family throughout most of the post, so I think it is safe to assume that, for this discussion, family is the issue at hand.
You talk about how before marriage you both spent a lot of time at your families, even staying over night, but that he no longer wants to do such.
Keeping Genesis 2:24 in mind (as someone has already pointed out) "a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife"

Is it possible that he was willing to spend so much time with your family BEFORE marriage because you two were not married and "as one" ?

So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"

I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"

"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."

From someone on the outside looking in, it sounds as though perhaps he views himself, you and the children (do you mind if I ask how many/how old?) as his "family" - NOT all the extended members.

I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family.

Is it possible that his frustration lies in wanting to celebrate the holidays and celebrations with his family (meaning you and the children) without all the extended members involved? Building your own family traditions and celebrations, putting your focus and emphasis on him and the kids?

Yes, extended family is a wonderful thing to have for those who are blessed to have special relationships with them, but they can also become the very thing that comes between a man and his wife.

So maybe it is time to decline invitations and offers to spend those special moments with extended family. Maybe there is different day/time to get together and celebrate the holiday with them.

For men (who are called to be providers and protectors) it can be a stressful situation to take separate vehicles. It sounds as though he does feel a strong responsibility to protect you and the children. okay, what if the tire pops and he's not there? Not necessarily the end of the world, but it sounds as though in his mind it is.

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

(first, before I say anything else, know that I have found myself saying this very same thing....... it NEVER brought about peaceful results- and what I'm about to say, I attempt to say with as much love and care and concern as can be said through this type of communication)
With what I shared above about a mans point of view,
Go look in the mirror, and imagine your husband saying those same words to you.

OUCH???

I think I've said enough here for the time being.
If you'd like to talk more after this, I'd be happy to.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I really need some help.

I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.

I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.

I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.

As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.

The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.

If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.

Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)

So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"

I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"

"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."

This make me livid.

I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.

I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.

Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.

He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.

He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.

Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.

Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.

There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.

So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."

He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.

It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.

Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.

And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)

My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.

My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.

And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.

He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.

The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.

Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.

I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.

Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.

It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.

I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.

I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.


I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus

There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

I didn't read it all.
But you want your "alpha male" and you got him. When women think between the aloha and beta males they do it with a skewed concept of what each is.
Alpha males typically are more decisive, more natural leaders, take charge, etc..
But they also tend to be more self focused, more emotionally detached (thus less concerned with their spouses emotions) and manipulative and controlling. So you got your alpha male.

Really what you have is a selfish, self centered manipulator for a husband. And that he wasn't like that before marriage is only further proof of how capable of a liar he is.

As far as how you're handling things, I'm not surprised. These are common and normal behaviors for someone who has been betrayed and manipulated by someone they expect to be loving and considerate.
And these are strong emotions and not so easily reigned in.
You're feeling this way because alarm bells are going off in your head warning you that somethings wrong. And those alarms are right.

My big warning to you is to watch him and his moods. He's showing some red flag behaviors that are quite similar to what you see in abusive type men.
Alphas have a much greater tendency towards thissort of thing. Manipulation, control (not letting you go separately to visit family), using guilt, threats (such as divorce), drastic changes in behavior (visiting family/not visiting), isolation and selfishness (a possible sign of narcissism).
This isn't to say he will become abusive but the potential is there to show many of the common symptoms.
Isolation, especially from family and close friends, is a common precursor.
So be on the lookout for his behaviors worsening. If you start to notice that happening, just leave.
In the hope that that behavior never surfaces you should check out the book Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud. They have a series including one on marriage, but I'd start with the original. Written by Christian psychologists. It may he a good starting place to learn how to counter some of his behavior.

 

[Nehemiah6]

There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

It looks like a bad situation. But if you are associated with a church, then the pastors or elders should be brought into this matter as soon as possible so that they can counsel your husband.

 

[Simona1988]

From the Letter of Saint Paul to the Ephesians (chapter 5, verses 21- ):

Instruction for Christian households

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect (fear) her husband.


And a bit from the wisdom of the Old Testament: Exodus 20:12 (the fifth commandment)

"Honor your father and your mother, (why?) so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

Your husband's parents become your parents too and vice versa.
Leaving your parents in order to be united with your spouse doesn't mean abandoning and neglecting your parents.

Matthew 15:4 (context: the Pharisees get scandalized because of Jesus disciples who don't wash their hands, as the ritual requires, before eating bread. Jesus scolds them and reveals their hypocrisy and fanaticism when, instead of helping their parents, they neglect them and "devote to God" what should have been given to their parents)

Jesus replied "And why do you break the command of God (the fifth commandment) for the sake of your tradition? For God said "Honor your father and mother" and "Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death".

 

[Godsgirl83]

Leaving your parents in order to be united with your spouse doesn't mean abandoning and neglecting your parents.

no it doesn't.
But it also doesn't mean that getting together and spending time with them takes away from ones family time (with spouse/children).

And sadly this trend has caused a lot of marriages to crumble (this trend being "family woman" who can't let go of parents/siblings extended family)

 

[JohnDB]

I really need some help.

I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.

I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.

I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.

As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.

The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.

If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.

Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)

So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"

I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"

"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."

"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )

He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."

This make me livid.

I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.

I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.

Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.

He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.

He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.

Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.

Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.

There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.

So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."

He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.

It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.

Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.

And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)

My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.

My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.

And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.

He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.

The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.

Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.

I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.

Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.

It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.

I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.

I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.


I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus

There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.

I know one thing for sure...
Read through this a couple of times just to make sure...

But I do have a question.

Why don't you know what your husband is feeling?

Why don't you know what your husband is thinking?

You have told us the things he has said...but you seem clueless about what he is thinking or feeling whatsoever. Why is that? We know all about what you feel...what about him?
Can you even begin to understand or know how he thinks? Or what his emotions are? He isn't exactly a distant stranger... you have lived with him for years. He doesn't sound like a dictator but just a guy whose wife is holding him at arms length and not very kind on an ongoing basis.

Guys are simple creatures... especially nice, normal ones. It doesn't take a LOT of effort to get kindness and respect out of us...and you have admitted to acting crazy and selfish before but changing to become what you describe as kinder. Probably some more work in that fashion is in order to overcome the sins of your past.

I know this isn't exactly what you want to hear...guys change slowly...we aren't quick. But if my wife were to talk about me in the fashion you have your husband...there would be a lot of hurt feelings in my part just because of the way you described him. No emotions, no feelings, and none of his thoughts. (Which you should know by now off the top of your head without even thinking about it)

Guys are simple...being nice to us gets returned in spades with all kinds of warm fuzzies. But we also are wise to the "give to get" schemes and manipulation. None of those things work at this point in a marriage. He's got you completely figured out in that respect.

 

[presidente]

I really need some help.

I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.

I am sorry you are going through this. I believe strongly in not divorcing. I have never threatened my wife with divorce. When she has gotten really upset on a few occasions, she has. Not in recent years. She knew it was wrong. I feel like, as the husband, if I had agreed, then it could have happened. When she threatened to divorce me once after a big argument I said something like that, "No, you want because you want to do what is right with the Lord, and you know it is wrong to do that." Then she said she'd never sleep with me (as in sexually) again. I said something like, "No, you know that's not right, either." She relented again. Sometimes it is possible to talk a spouse out of something wrong they just said if you stay calm. I hadn't been before that part of the conversation, which is part of why it had escalated. But these things can get better with time.

I haven't read the whole thread. You will probably get some posts saying this man is emotionally abusive, and other posts saying that if a man abuses his wife, she can divorce him and marry someone else. That last point is not in scripture, and a lot of people who say that about abuse mean punching, hitting, and choking. We are reading your thoughts that present the side of your husband that you saw from your perspective that came out during a fight, not your whole message. I could have written a message about my wife after an argument that made her look bad, when in real life if someone met her, they would see what a great person she is in so many ways. So I am writing with that in mind.

I Peter 3 tells wives to submit to their husbands, even to those who do not obey the word. He tells wives to have a meek and quiet spirit, tells them to follow the example of Sarah submitting to and obeying her husband, but also warns that husbands who do not honor their wives and treat them as the weaker vessel could have their prayers hindered.

You could calmly use scripture. If he cares about pleasing God, but in an argument threatens divorce, and he happens to enjoy sex with his wife, wants to have children, etc., you could say, "Jesus said if a man divorces his wife and marries another, He commits adultery. If you do that, you will either have to give up having the companionship of a wife, the chance to have sex, the chance to have children, or else be in sin against the Lord." There might be other things he values. This may seems like using the Bible like a hammer, but it's logical, it make sense, and it might reasonate with him. This is something to say calmly, not like you are insulting him.

If you tells you to do something unjust, you can say, "I will submit to you because you are my husband, but I believe you are being unjust [cruel], etc., and I am going to complain to the Lord about what you are doing." You are to honor me so that your prayers are not hindered." If he gets on your case for crying, remind him he is to honor you as the weaker vessel, that your prayers be not hindered."

You might say, "I will honor and submit to you in this, but it would make it easier to respect you if you were a more loving husband, and more like Jesus." You could ask, "Wouldn't it be more loving if you let me spend more time with my family?" "Couldn't you sacrifice that desire to be alone and focus on reaching out to and encouraging my family?"

I found that conversations with my wife, if she has a problem with me go a lot better when she does something like, "Honey, do you mind if I tell you something' while hugging me and stroking the back of my head, and calmly and gently tells me something she doesn't like that I did, or whatever... then if she gets angry and yells at me. Communicating that she loves me and wants a good relationship and acting like it and then telling her grievance is a lot better than fighting. It works better if I calmly tell her something I did not like that she did or said than if I argued with her.

The 'alpha male' thing is common on manosphere webpages and videos. I watched a little of this for a while. It's an interesting movement, with men's rights activists on one end and 'pick up artists' on the other. Part of it has to do with understanding a little about women, liking certain displays of strength or skill in men, confidence, being the leader of other men. The pick up artist stuff is rather manipulative, teasing women in certain ways, for example, to persuade them to do what you want to prove something-- all kinds of stuff like that. Some of it is about how to present yourself as alpha. There is a little good in it, but there also seems to be quite a bit of poison that is not in line with the word of God. I read the idea of threatening a wife with divorce a lot on one of these pages. I rejected that as not in line with scripture. Maybe he is accepting that as advice.

You might not want to attack the whole alpha thing head on. But you might tell him you do not find a carnal alpha man attractive, but as a Christian woman, you want to see a strong leader who is like Jesus. If you can find a good website or video or speaker or whatever on why some of the alpha male manosphere stuff is bad, you might show him that.

is there any chance he might want to go for marriage counseling, or go informally to an older successful Christian married couple in your church to talk through some marriage issues. He has thrown out 'divorce.' Since he has, if you could line up a godly pastor to counsel or a couple like that that he respects, maybe he would be open to it. For me, personally, if I ever went to a pastor or 'Christian counselor' for marriage counseling, I would want one who supported wives submitting to their husband and was anti-divorce, not someone who fanned the flames of feminism, thought individuals should divorce if they felt more 'healthy' by some secular standard. Some psychologists encourage divorce if it leads to individuals being 'healthier' from their secular psychological perspective.

 

[presidente]

I didn't read it all.
But you want your "alpha male" and you got him. When women think between the aloha and beta males they do it with a skewed concept of what each is.
Alpha males typically are more decisive, more natural leaders, take charge, etc..
But they also tend to be more self focused, more emotionally detached (thus less concerned with their spouses emotions) and manipulative and controlling. So you got your alpha male.

Is this description of an 'alpha male' something that really exists as an individual profile in psychology? In older sociology literature, there is a theory that in times past the alpha male was a guy who led the tribe. He might brutalize those who oppose him. But is it really a category that fits your description in psychology.