~Chuckle for the Day~
- Thread starter Bingo
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True story.
My son-in-law is LEO and pulled in behind a car going waayyy to slow in an interstate fast lane.
Pulled her over and asked "Maam, why are you going so slow in the fast lane?"
She answered " I slowed down so I could text more safely."
Yes, this is Florida but that's the wrong answer.
My son-in-law is LEO and pulled in behind a car going waayyy to slow in an interstate fast lane.
Pulled her over and asked "Maam, why are you going so slow in the fast lane?"
She answered " I slowed down so I could text more safely."
Yes, this is Florida but that's the wrong answer.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand while he pulls a male buffalo. As soon as he got inside, the Indian said to the waiter, “Want coffee.”
“Sure, Chief. Coming right up,” the waiter replied, soon returning with a large mug of coffee.
After drinking down the coffee in one gulp, the Indian turned and shot the buffalo with his shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter all over the place as he walked out of the cafe.
The next morning, the Indian returned to the cafe. Once again, he had a shotgun in one hand, and he was pulling a male buffalo in the other. Walking up to the waiter, he said, “Want coffee.”
“Whoa, Tonto!” the waiter replied. “We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”
With a huge smile on his face, the Indian responded, “Training for a position in United States Senate. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”
“Sure, Chief. Coming right up,” the waiter replied, soon returning with a large mug of coffee.
After drinking down the coffee in one gulp, the Indian turned and shot the buffalo with his shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter all over the place as he walked out of the cafe.
The next morning, the Indian returned to the cafe. Once again, he had a shotgun in one hand, and he was pulling a male buffalo in the other. Walking up to the waiter, he said, “Want coffee.”
“Whoa, Tonto!” the waiter replied. “We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”
With a huge smile on his face, the Indian responded, “Training for a position in United States Senate. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”
Cowboy corner
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders
three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne
Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to
remember the days when we drank together.
So, I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to
my eye too) All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I
don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on
your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I
joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders
three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne
Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to
remember the days when we drank together.
So, I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to
my eye too) All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I
don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on
your loss."
The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I
joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."
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son tells his father of the incredible discovery made in chem lab at school..
a chemical compound so corrosive it will eat thru anything
his father asks.......what do they keep it in?
You probably think I exaggerated with this joke
a chemical compound so corrosive it will eat thru anything
his father asks.......what do they keep it in?
You probably think I exaggerated with this joke
Cajun fella done sent his son off to college for to get an edication. Son come home after the first semester. Dad ask his son, "Say something what you learn in college, boy."
Son say, "Okay... Pi R square."
Dad say, "Man, I have done wasted my money on that college stuff. Everybody know that pie are round. CORNBREAD are square."
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For some reason which was not explained the courts ordered the exhumation of Ludwig Von Beethoven.
Upon opening the casket, to everyone's surprise there was Beethoven with manuscripts and an eraser.
When someone asked him what he was doing. He replied,.."decomposing".
Upon opening the casket, to everyone's surprise there was Beethoven with manuscripts and an eraser.
When someone asked him what he was doing. He replied,.."decomposing".
The version I heard, someone walked past the graveyard and heard his ninth symphony being played backward. When it finished... er, at the start... the eighth symphony started playing backward.
He ran and got somebody else to come hear this, to prove he wasn't going crazy. By the time they returned, the fifth symphony was being played backward.
"Oh that's just him decomposing."
I once made Chlorine gas in chem class, they passsed me to get me out of the class.
Would you believe I can actually do that? Been doing it since I was a kid.
