Christian folks; how do you handle rejection ?

[yinkbell]

Hello fellow Christians. As a young believer who desires to have a suitor and you have experienced all kinds of rejection from the ladies you intend to ask out, how do you manage this situation?
I know waiting upon the Lord to seek is direction is very Paramount. For those that are in relationship, how are you being led to your spouse?

 

[Lynx]

Personally I'm more in the "live life, and if you find a girl along the way, so much the better" camp.

But if you must go out and look for a spouse, go about it methodically. Analyze what is making them reject you. Maybe it's something you can fix... or maybe it's something about yourself that you don't want to change.

If you can't tell what is making women reject you, ask a friend. If you don't have any friends honest enough to tell you the bad news, get some better friends first.

 

[cinder]

Hello fellow Christians. As a young believer who desires to have a suitor and you have experienced all kinds of rejection from the ladies you intend to ask out, how do you manage this situation?
I know waiting upon the Lord to seek is direction is very Paramount. For those that are in relationship, how are you being led to your spouse?

Rejection from the ladies you "intend to ask out" as you never get to the point of asking them out? If you never ask them out, exactly what constitutes this rejection. Also I'd say be aware that sometimes laughing about getting together with you may be a nervous reflex rather than a rejection. So don't automatically take laughing off you raising the possibility of dating someone as an immediate rejection (it might be, but it could also be other things). And I think the other advice I'd have is to make it clear that you're inviting her to a one time date event with no future commitment required rather than inviting her into a "relationship" before the first date even happens.

 

[yinkbell]

Personally I'm more in the "live life, and if you find a girl along the way, so much the better" camp.

But if you must go out and look for a spouse, go about it methodically. Analyze what is making them reject you. Maybe it's something you can fix... or maybe it's something about yourself that you don't want to change.

If you can't tell what is making women reject you, ask a friend. If you don't have any friends honest enough to tell you the bad news, get some better friends first.

Thanks for your honest response.
Can you explain more what you meant by seeking a spouse methodically?

 

[Treeboy]

One thing about women is they can act very differently showing interest. Your expecting a smile nodding and open yes and showing interest back. However many times when women are interested they stop talking. Its your job to keep the conversation going. I learned this doing sales. If i ever let the convo die ive lost the sale. So my job is to calmly small talk thru the vacant spots.

It takes confidence and charisma to do that. Thats what they are looking for. You should not talk to women much different than men. Its artifical and they pickup on that. One of the best pieces of advice was you cant b good at talking to girls if your not good at talking to people. Every interaction u have is practice. Push yourself out of your safe zone in other situations and dealing with women gets much easier.

 

[yinkbell]

One thing about women is they can act very differently showing interest. Your expecting a smile nodding and open yes and showing interest back. However many times when women are interested they stop talking. Its your job to keep the conversation going. I learned this doing sales. If i ever let the convo die ive lost the sale. So my job is to calmly small talk thru the vacant spots.

It takes confidence and charisma to do that. Thats what they are looking for. You should not talk to women much different than men. Its artifical and they pickup on that. One of the best pieces of advice was you cant b good at talking to girls if your not good at talking to people. Every interaction u have is practice. Push yourself out of your safe zone in other situations and dealing with women gets much easier.

Thanks for taking your time to reply me. Would you pls explain this part"You should not talk to women much different than men. Its artifical and they pickup on that"

 

[Lynx]

Thanks for your honest response.
Can you explain more what you meant by seeking a spouse methodically?

You're a guy, right? Do it like a guy does everything: Analyze what you want, how to get it, what obstacles there are in your way and how to get around them.

 

[BenFTW]

Can you be more open and honest about your experience so we can offer you a bit of wisdom?

As for rejection, it attacks the ego because you cannot fathom how someone could look past you, lol. It can be taken personally, expressing itself as feelings of inadequacy. However, if you know what you bring to the table (as a loving faithful man, a righteous man) they simply have not seen your value, that you do have. Also, you weren’t made for everyone, but for one (in respect to God’s foreknowledge and your desires depending upon His providence), so it should not surprise you that some women look past you. You aren’t what/who they are looking for nor who God is providing for them.

I’m a “I believe in destiny, not dating” type of guy. I look to God’s providence and wait. He prepares me and her. My hope then is not in my pursuit but in God’s leading as He provides me unto her.

Start a conversation with God. “Father, where is my wife?” Lay your petition before God.

 

[Lanolin]

huh

Ok my advice to you as lady whos possibly rejected everyone I know (sorry I dont want to marry you at all)
is, dont ask a lady out. Send them flowers first. THEN she will know that you are a sweet guy and also serious and not just up for a one off date or something to do, or killing time before the next one.

 

[Lanolin]

when she receives the flowers, then she can decide to ask YOU to take her out.

 

[yinkbell]

Can you be more open and honest about your experience so we can offer you a bit of wisdom?

As for rejection, it attacks the ego because you cannot fathom how someone could look past you, lol. It can be taken personally, expressing itself as feelings of inadequacy. However, if you know what you bring to the table (as a loving faithful man, a righteous man) they simply have not seen your value, that you do have. Also, you weren’t made for everyone, but for one (in respect to God’s foreknowledge and your desires depending upon His providence), so it should not surprise you that some women look past you. You aren’t what/who they are looking for nor who God is providing for them.

I’m a “I believe in destiny, not dating” type of guy. I look to God’s providence and wait. He prepares me and her. My hope then is not in my pursuit but in God’s leading as He provides me unto her.

Start a conversation with God. “Father, where is my wife?” Lay your petition before God.

Ben God bless you real good.
You have nailed the truth on it's head. My problem is waiting upon him. I have made many mistakes trying to do things in my own wisdom due to pressure all around. Though, I desire strongly to choose withing my denomination as I know it is the Lord's will to choose in my denomination (Genesis 24:4).
Honestly, I became more pressurised to the extent of even trying to date a dirvocee in my fold. I am single, and I have never been married. Now, when I think about the moves I made, I discovered I have acted under pressure.
I am 38 this year, I became born again after I graduated from University. I cut off ungodly relationship I was and I intend to marry in the Lord. Then, I began the journey of searching. I was held down by fear and family circumstances, I did not really want to go into any relationship in my early thirties then due to my economy situation. Now when I looked back I discovered that almost all the ladies in my age bracket in my denomination have gotten married. I am only opened to younger sisters who are not actually willing to settle down soon or most of them are engaged or dating someone.
I believe if I have allow God to lead me, I wouldn't make mistake of making a move without Him leading me. I have made many mistakes in this area and it is really embarrassing.
I really appreciate your advice, I will continually pray and ask the father to lead me.
My question is; how can I be sensitive to his leading bro?
What do you think I can do while waiting upon the Lord to bring the one He has chosen for me?
How do I know if He has brought the person?
But note sir; Bible also says he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.
Pls., Do well to reply me
I await your response.
Thanks God bless you.
,

 

[BenFTW]

Ben God bless you real good.
You have nailed the truth on it's head. My problem is waiting upon him. I have made many mistakes trying to do things in my own wisdom due to pressure all around. Though, I desire strongly to choose withing my denomination as I know it is the Lord's will to choose in my denomination (Genesis 24:4).
Honestly, I became more pressurised to the extent of even trying to date a dirvocee in my fold. I am single, and I have never been married. Now, when I think about the moves I made, I discovered I have acted under pressure.
I am 38 this year, I became born again after I graduated from University. I cut off ungodly relationship I was and I intend to marry in the Lord. Then, I began the journey of searching. I was held down by fear and family circumstances, I did not really want to go into any relationship in my early thirties then due to my economy situation. Now when I looked back I discovered that almost all the ladies in my age bracket in my denomination have gotten married. I am only opened to younger sisters who are not actually willing to settle down soon or most of them are engaged or dating someone.
I believe if I have allow God to lead me, I wouldn't make mistake of making a move without Him leading me. I have made many mistakes in this area and it is really embarrassing.
I really appreciate your advice, I will continually pray and ask the father to lead me.
My question is; how can I be sensitive to his leading bro?
What do you think I can do while waiting upon the Lord to bring the one He has chosen for me?
How do I know if He has brought the person?
But note sir; Bible also says he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.
Pls., Do well to reply me
I await your response.
Thanks God bless you.
,

It’s not an easy question to answer beyond God will reveal her to you. You will know. It probably isn’t hard to find someone compatible with you, but you want more than that. You want to be with the person God provides. You could have three available options that perfectly match you but only one is her by God’s providence.

What can you do in preparation? Continue to develop your walk with God. Your personal walk of fellowship. Knowing God personally. Knowing His voice. Continue working on selflessness, giving. Serve in the church, feed God’s sheep. Be a good steward of your finances. Grow in the areas that are required for a relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

 

[cinder]

It’s not an easy question to answer beyond God will reveal her to you. You will know. It probably isn’t hard to find someone compatible with you, but you want more than that. You want to be with the person God provides. You could have three available options that perfectly match you but only one is her by God’s providence.

The problem with this philosophy is that there's no way to know if you miss it. If you never feel like God has revealed someone to you, then what? Do you conclude that God never meant for you to marry? What do you do if in hindsight you think God revealed someone to you that you didn't realize it at the time and let them go even though you really liked them (doubly what if, if that person has since married another)? Or what if the one God has chosen for you decides to rebel against God and not marry you?

So @yinkbell you can take Ben's advice if you want, but having grown up in the church and being your age and formerly of the "wait for the magical God reveal moment" camp (seriously is there any other decision in life that you'd wait indefinitely for divine revelation that you were 110% sure on?), I can tell you that I've come to realize that's a good way to end up old and single. Definitely involve God and pray lots and seek his wisdom, but at the end of the day your chances of getting married are much better if you're actually actively getting to know some potential mates. And if you do so with wisdom, your chances of being happily married (as opposed to making a mistake and then having years to regret a foolish marriage) are pretty good too.

 

[Kireina]

Hi! Yinkbell 😊

I don't know if this will help you...this is just my little advice based on my experience... Try, Take the risk,pursue if it didnt work out...I 'm sorry...cry and try again lol just keep going but Keep your eyes on Jesus and constantly remind yourself that God sees already what's in the future you just need to trust Him that everything works out together for good for those who love Him.


I don't know if this is true for everyone but for men it is really not that hard to tell someone you like them without sounding like you are a desperate person lol for women I guess it is hard to do that Personally this is true for me without sounding like I am desperate for a relationship...

So my advice is just go ahead pursue someone you think is a fine woman to be your wife...if you got rejected that means she is not the person yet... Everyone knows this and I know that you heard this many times already...that To try and got rejected is better than not trying at all... 😊yes it is painful to experience rejection but there is no gain if there is no pain( Somebody told me this 2 decades ago)


God bless you ❤

 

[Treeboy]

Thanks for taking your time to reply me. Would you pls explain this part"You should not talk to women much different than men. Its artifical and they pickup on that"

It boils down to you cannot b changing yourself making some artificial persona that you use to deal with women. Its not gonna last. Schmoosing pedastalizing pick up lines worshiping everything she says and does. (Thats so interesting)! When its not and everybody knows. Ive got buddys who totally change their voice like they are talking to a child. Or get nervous and pull out 1 liners. My friend calls it chopping it up. Your not talking to girls with some seriousness trying to get a date or pry information. Your just chopping it up like you would if you met a guy.

Women are very social. You need to have more conversations in general. Put yourself out there more in situations your not looking to gain anything. I always talk to gas station workers waitresses just to keep myself in good practise. Im not much of a natural talker. But i have gotten much better over time. Its called social skills for a reason most of us have to work on them.

 

[BenFTW]

The problem with this philosophy is that there's no way to know if you miss it. If you never feel like God has revealed someone to you, then what? Do you conclude that God never meant for you to marry? What do you do if in hindsight you think God revealed someone to you that you didn't realize it at the time and let them go even though you really liked them (doubly what if, if that person has since married another)? Or what if the one God has chosen for you decides to rebel against God and not marry you?

So @yinkbell you can take Ben's advice if you want, but having grown up in the church and being your age and formerly of the "wait for the magical God reveal moment" camp (seriously is there any other decision in life that you'd wait indefinitely for divine revelation that you were 110% sure on?), I can tell you that I've come to realize that's a good way to end up old and single. Definitely involve God and pray lots and seek his wisdom, but at the end of the day your chances of getting married are much better if you're actually actively getting to know some potential mates. And if you do so with wisdom, your chances of being happily married (as opposed to making a mistake and then having years to regret a foolish marriage) are pretty good too.

This may come off as passive aggressive but please do not receive it that way. Faith isn’t for everyone. What I mean, is that not everyone feels comfortable with the idea of trusting God to do something so they put it in their own hands (i.e.; it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea as it pertains to certain subjects). They don’t or won’t wait, and do things in the flesh (even if it’s perfectly rational). I am not saying this method of life is “wrong”, as God will still be with them in the decision(s) they make (for good or bad). As you said instead of waiting for the big ol’ “aha moment” they can just operate in wisdom in their affairs.

This isn’t bad advice, it is reasonable. And before you jump the gun, no I am not saying someone can’t be operating in faith while dating. Example. Even in ministry people will serve in the Church without God’s leading to be in a specific ministry. Again, this is just another… plane of existence. “God should I?” They may have all the talents for a ministry, but would God rather have them somewhere else for the time being? Some people just move with opportunity. I try to move in obedience to God’s will.

You see missionaries coming back from foreign countries defeated because they didn’t win souls, but this is because they were presumptuous in their gift of evangelism not seeking God’s calling on their life for where to exercise that gift. God’s leading is just as important as God’s equipping. You could preach the Gospel to everyone at an Outreach and it fall on deaf ears, or you could follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to specific people and plant seeds or water (maybe even to repentance). Obedience is important.

So yeah, @yinkbell could take my advice or yours, or a mix of the two, but depending upon how he wants to live his life he should seek God’s will.

 

[cinder]

This may come off as passive aggressive but please do not receive it that way. Faith isn’t for everyone. What I mean, is that not everyone feels comfortable with the idea of trusting God to do something so they put it in their own hands (i.e.; it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea as it pertains to certain subjects). They don’t or won’t wait, and do things in the flesh (even if it’s perfectly rational). I am not saying this method of life is “wrong”, as God will still be with them in the decision(s) they make (for good or bad). As you said instead of waiting for the big ol’ “aha moment” they can just operate in wisdom in their affairs.

This isn’t bad advice, it is reasonable. And before you jump the gun, no I am not saying someone can’t be operating in faith while dating. Example. Even in ministry people will serve in the Church without God’s leading to be in a specific ministry. Again, this is just another… plane of existence. “God should I?” They may have all the talents for a ministry, but would God rather have them somewhere else for the time being? Some people just move with opportunity. I try to move in obedience to God’s will.

I'll believe it's another (and you imply better) plane of existence when you take the same approach to the things you really need: food, financial provision, a place to live, etc. When you wait for God to drop all of those into your lap and don't lift a finger to go out and get them and God makes it go well for you; then I'll accept there might be something to that ( George Mueller did pretty much prove you could live and run your business by prayer alone, but that doesn't mean God calls everyone to it). There's a very fine line between faith and presumption and scapegoating responsibility with claims of faith and God will do everything on our behalf so we don't need to work at it.

You see missionaries coming back from foreign countries defeated because they didn’t win souls, but this is because they were presumptuous in their gift of evangelism not seeking God’s calling on their life for where to exercise that gift. God’s leading is just as important as God’s equipping. You could preach the Gospel to everyone at an Outreach and it fall on deaf ears, or you could follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to specific people and plant seeds or water (maybe even to repentance). Obedience is important.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Please don't parade your ignorance by speaking of things you do not understand. Living cross culturally is difficult in the best of circumstances (and often missionaries don't live in the best of circumstances) and can have real damaging physical and emotional effects. Even the ones who end up coming back before they plan or before the work is completed have had enough faith and passion to attempt for God what most western Christians will never seriously contemplate attempting. That's like being the other disciples in the boat and criticizing Peter because he sank when he tried walking on water.

 

[Lynx]

It’s not an easy question to answer beyond God will reveal her to you. You will know. It probably isn’t hard to find someone compatible with you, but you want more than that. You want to be with the person God provides. You could have three available options that perfectly match you but only one is her by God’s providence.

What can you do in preparation? Continue to develop your walk with God. Your personal walk of fellowship. Knowing God personally. Knowing His voice. Continue working on selflessness, giving. Serve in the church, feed God’s sheep. Be a good steward of your finances. Grow in the areas that are required for a relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Kinda reminds me of that farmer who had an old barn he needed to tear down, but lightning hit it and it burned down. Then he needed to irrigate his field, but rains were heavy that year.

So he sat on the front porch and waited for an earthquake to come and shake his potatoes out of the ground.

 

[BenFTW]

I'll believe it's another (and you imply better) plane of existence when you take the same approach to the things you really need: food, financial provision, a place to live, etc. When you wait for God to drop all of those into your lap and don't lift a finger to go out and get them and God makes it go well for you; then I'll accept there might be something to that ( George Mueller did pretty much prove you could live and run your business by prayer alone, but that doesn't mean God calls everyone to it). There's a very fine line between faith and presumption and scapegoating responsibility with claims of faith and God will do everything on our behalf so we don't need to work at it.



Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Please don't parade your ignorance by speaking of things you do not understand. Living cross culturally is difficult in the best of circumstances (and often missionaries don't live in the best of circumstances) and can have real damaging physical and emotional effects. Even the ones who end up coming back before they plan or before the work is completed have had enough faith and passion to attempt for God what most western Christians will never seriously contemplate attempting. That's like being the other disciples in the boat and criticizing Peter because he sank when he tried walking on water.

Of course it’s better. Were you just trying to find something to be offended by? In my interactions with you, that always seems to be the case unfortunately. 😕

And as for your wager, it’s happened before. My sister said the same exact thing as you and she repented and apologized to me. “God isn’t just going to drop cash on you at home.” What happened? A man offered me a position as his Creative Director, after having made him a logo design, and I worked his social media (including helping design his website). I was being paid from where? Home.

People will mock your faith and then see it come to pass. They will speak against it, try to derail it, and even some, in sincerity and ignorance, try to protect you from the bizarre nature of faith. “That’s crazy! God wouldn’t do that! You have no clue what you’re doing! Why!?” But the same people who oppose your faith will be inspired by it when the promises of God are kept and He honors your faith in Him.

@cinder I really wish instead of always trying to pick a fight, argue about something and anything, you would try to find common ground. I don’t think from one reply of yours have you ever came in agreement with me. Maybe once, I recalled on some thread about grace. But we are both people of faith and I wish our encounters were more… cordial instead of combative.

 

[BenFTW]

Kinda reminds me of that farmer who had an old barn he needed to tear down, but lightning hit it and it burned down. Then he needed to irrigate his field, but rains were heavy that year.

So he sat on the front porch and waited for an earthquake to come and shake his potatoes out of the ground.

Yes, eventually you have to move. In the context of this discussion, God isn’t going to propose for you. I laugh because I imagine now God speaking to “the one” and being like “He wants to marry you.” God is like “I’m not gonna do what!?” 🤣

But you are correct that we “move in faith” but there is also waiting in faith. Thanks for the analogy.