Being an introvert nor an empath would negatively impact emotional availability. In fact I'd suggest the opposite is true. Introverts and empaths tend toward the "Beta Male" side of things, which tend to be more emotionally in touch.
Can a Christian be Emotionally Unavailable?
- Thread starter OllieYakob
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It‘s easy to emotionally connect with God.
It can be hard connecting emotionally with people sometimes.
So I’m going to say it’s possible? ( Lucky for us anything is possible with God.
)Can I assume this guy has emotional connections with his family and friends?
Sadly, he may be having a hard time connecting with her and using that excuse as a crutch.
mmm not sure what the OPs friends motives are for connecting with someone who doesnt really want to connect. While oil on water relationships APPEAR to be together, they really arent.
If shes ok with that and still wants to be with this guy then thats her call, but shes not fooling anybody.
If shes ok with that and still wants to be with this guy then thats her call, but shes not fooling anybody.
Hello and Welcome to CC!
A work colleague was in this situation; she was married to someone who was emotionally unavailable. Despite her having been very careful in assessing him prior to marriage, she proceeded and they have a child together. Sadly, their marriage ended because he would not deal with his issues.
God can fix this, of course, but many Christians don't believe that and so don't seek His help. Also, this kind of thing can be sorted with the assistance of a competent counselor, but only if the person is willing and really wants to be healthy. Otherwise, it's wasted effort and the relationship is doomed. I'd recommend that, if your friend's man is not willing to seek help, she should terminate the relationship.
Hi again... I was thinking about this term emotionally unavailable and where it came from.
My first reaction was that this term has been invented by women to use against men...
I won't get into the possible ways it could be used but i can think of quite a few, directly or indirectly...
But i gave it some more thought and ive changed my mind... I reckon men invented this term to use against women...
"Im available but not emotionally available at this point in time"... My first reaction was that its not something a guy would say
But this 2020 not 2000. The dating scene is on another planet now and promiscuity is much higher...
I think the guy means he is available for sex but not a relationship.
Now if he said that to her then his chances of having sex go out the window.
But phrase it like above and the guy has a better chance of having a friend with benefits.
And he can really lead her on with it too, she think his gonna change for her when he has no intention of that...
Does anyone have a thought on that... Who invented this term "emotionally unavailable"? Men or Women?
My first reaction was that this term has been invented by women to use against men...
I won't get into the possible ways it could be used but i can think of quite a few, directly or indirectly...
But i gave it some more thought and ive changed my mind... I reckon men invented this term to use against women...
"Im available but not emotionally available at this point in time"... My first reaction was that its not something a guy would say
But this 2020 not 2000. The dating scene is on another planet now and promiscuity is much higher...
I think the guy means he is available for sex but not a relationship.
Now if he said that to her then his chances of having sex go out the window.
But phrase it like above and the guy has a better chance of having a friend with benefits.
And he can really lead her on with it too, she think his gonna change for her when he has no intention of that...
Does anyone have a thought on that... Who invented this term "emotionally unavailable"? Men or Women?
I never believed it was possible. I always thought people should just be able to snap out of it...until now for the first time i am going through it myself.
Its possible. But he needs people that can help him cope and process what is causing it so he can heal
Its possible. But he needs people that can help him cope and process what is causing it so he can heal
Ye if the guy, or a girl, a divorce/separation/break-up then for sure its hard to get back on that horse... I know
But u have to be careful that this guy isn't using the "emotionally unavailable" line to tame his libido...
Thats even worse cos you're been used... If a guy is telling u his "emotionally available" that means his not interested in a relationship with you. His not available for that. He is however available for some friendly sex...
That term wasn't around when i was dating. I would bypass it and be direct. Ask do u want to commit. Where do u see yourself in 5 years. Do want kids. Not all at once like an interrogation but u know what i mean. U mite start living together, before that i would be asking all this...
I wasnt talking about a break up or so. I was just thinking about when you are so fed up or burn out you cant let people close to u.
I guess i misunderstood
I just think that term "emotionally unavailable" can be problematic because what is it exactly?
Its hard to define. I only just learned it the other day and have been since trying to understand what it means...
Youtube has different people with different takes on it... Its exact meaning is unclear
Is it what u said, is it what i said??? U know, what im saying...
I would just ask what do mean by emotionally unavailable if they use it on ya
The short answer is "NO". Is this some kind of fad -- "emotionally unavailable"?
That's like another term from the past "checked out" -- "4. verb To become unfocused or distracted; to cease participating in a meaningful way."
Sounds like someone needs a swift kick in the posterior.
I wouldn't call it a fad. It's clinically termed "avoidant attachment style." I love your last statement
Years ago I learned that some people prefer power to intimacy. By withholding connection, praise, approval etc. they maintain control over the other person. I met a woman who was hiding her drinking. She confessed that in her 20 plus years of marriage, her husband had never once said she looked nice. She was a beautiful woman, slim and well put together. He would compliment others but never her. He would never tell her that the dinners she took hours to make, were good. She died inside and felt like a failure.
When a person refuses to build up and encourage and cheer on their partner, they know what they are doing. Think about that. They know the pain they are are causing and they do it anyways. Your friend should not be patient. He is training her to accept very little. He is training her to expect nothing while giving everything. That he acknowledges that he is emotionally unavailable and asks her to wait is so selfish. What about her needs? He is not showing any care for that. People like this know what they are doing and are not healthy partners. Tell her to run. When she does go he will probably promise to change all the things that hurt her. What she should take from that is that he was aware of what he was doing. He allowed her to hurt and is trying to keep her in that hurt. It is the opposite of a godly man.
When a person refuses to build up and encourage and cheer on their partner, they know what they are doing. Think about that. They know the pain they are are causing and they do it anyways. Your friend should not be patient. He is training her to accept very little. He is training her to expect nothing while giving everything. That he acknowledges that he is emotionally unavailable and asks her to wait is so selfish. What about her needs? He is not showing any care for that. People like this know what they are doing and are not healthy partners. Tell her to run. When she does go he will probably promise to change all the things that hurt her. What she should take from that is that he was aware of what he was doing. He allowed her to hurt and is trying to keep her in that hurt. It is the opposite of a godly man.
Great ideas! I will make sure she reads your answer. He seems interested, wants to be married and have a family. However, due to his avoidant attachment style, he is unable to get there. Neither she nor he knows about attachment style. But I've spoken to her at length about it and suggested therapy to help him explore his attachment history and gain a new perspective on himself, others and relationships in general.
Thank you for your reply dear. He is not stating that he doesn't want to commit. He's not asking her to sleep with him. He's not seeing anyone else. In fact, he wants to be married and have children. However, he has not made any concrete plans. He has an avoidant attachment style and has zero insight. Neither she nor him are aware of what it means to have an avoidant attachment style. I shared an article written by a social worker with her and she shared it with him. He admitted that the article described him, said he needed help, but is not seeking out the help as far as she knows. She doesn't want o pressure him either, but did tell him she couldn't marry if things were to remain the same. I do not believe it's a great idea for her to wait, as it may or may not ever happen.
I beg to differ. I'm an introvert, but very expressive when it comes to opening up and making emotional connections. I also know several introverts and empath who are able to open up to others emotionally. Read on avoidant attachment style. Perhaps this is what your accusers were referring to, but did not have the right words.
Hi Dear,It‘s easy to emotionally connect with God.
It can be hard connecting emotionally with people sometimes.
So I’m going to say it’s possible? ( Lucky for us anything is possible with God.
Can I assume this guy has emotional connections with his family and friends?
Sadly, he may be having a hard time connecting with her and using that excuse as a crutch.
Yes, he does have a great connection with his friends and family, but puts a wall up when it comes to romantic relationships. He hasn't been in relationships that lasted more than eight to ten months, as all the girls get fed up and leave. He's not using it as a crutch, as he has no insight. I believe he's emotionally unavailable or in more clinical terms, has an avoidant attachment style. By God's grace, anything is truly possible and I pray for his supernatural healing.
I believe she is still in it because he's a decent guy and she is somewhat desperate.
I totally agree with you and suggested therapy. I sent her an article and she shared it with him. He recognized himself in that article and acknowledged that he needs help. I told her to stay out it and let him seek the help on his own.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she has healed from her experience.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation? Have you sought the help of a therapist? If not, seek out a Christian therapist who specializes in attachment styles.
S
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I read through every post and I still do not understand what "emotionally unavailable" means.
Could you give an example of how your friend is saying that the guy is emotionally unavailable. Does this mean he does not like to talk about feelings and emotions? That he would rather talk about racing and lawn care?
Because personally that is one of the reasons I like living by myself. I don't have to talk about a bunch or neurotic women emotions that change everyday and how I have to understand how she is not really wanting advice but just wants me to listen to all her emotions.
SO glad that is over. Not eager to revisit that nonsense. Would that make me emotionally unavailable?
Could you give an example of how your friend is saying that the guy is emotionally unavailable. Does this mean he does not like to talk about feelings and emotions? That he would rather talk about racing and lawn care?
Because personally that is one of the reasons I like living by myself. I don't have to talk about a bunch or neurotic women emotions that change everyday and how I have to understand how she is not really wanting advice but just wants me to listen to all her emotions.
SO glad that is over. Not eager to revisit that nonsense. Would that make me emotionally unavailable?