Bad Relationship

[Sidney]

I am 17. I've been with my boyfriend (19) for over two years. I recently broke up with him because I know he isn't leading me to God. I felt like, even in the two years we've been together, he wasn't right for me.
We met in zoology class when I was 15 and he was 17. I told him right when I met him that I was a Christian. When we started dating, I told him my virginity was sacred to me and God. He told me he understood, and he even started going to church with me. Granted, he did show up late often. Over the past two years, that habit didn't go away. I told him it made me feel like he didn't care enough about God or church to show up on time, and that it felt disrespectful to me. He changed for maybe two Sundays, then went back to being late. This made me realize something. He wasn't going to church for God. He was going just to make me happy.
I am ashamed to say that before I realized where his heart really was, I gave him my virginity when I was just 15. He lost his before me when he was 14... so I don't know how I didn't see it coming. I know it was my fault just as much as his. I was hoping he would be strong and stand up for my -and "our"- morals, but clearly, he did not. I know I should have stopped us, being the true Christian and knowing just how wrong it was... but I was broken when he met me. I'm not justifying our actions, but I was not in the right place with God at that point.
I am trying to be in a better relationship with God now. I have told my now ex many times that I need a man who will lead me to God, but all he would do was lead me to his bed... so when I finally decided I'd had enough, I broke up with him. I asked him if he would still be a follower of Christ and go to church without me and he said, "what's the point?" That made my decision a lot easier for me. I am still struggling with it though. I'm sorry this is such a long story, but I really need advice and opinions from Godly people. Did I do the right thing afterall? Or should I have stayed and waited for him to want to follow Jesus on his own? Why do I feel like I dodged a bullet, but also guilty at the same time? Should I have stayed and led him to God? I thought that was what I was doing for two years, but I guess everything I or the pastor said didn't go through to him. Am I alone in this situation? Please help me and pray for me to know what God wants for us, because I still care so much for this man.

 

[coby]

It's good that you broke it off. Just pray for him to get saved.
It's a trap missionary dating, tried it too.

 

[mrdesire]

I am 17. I've been with my boyfriend (19) for over two years. I recently broke up with him because I know he isn't leading me to God. I felt like, even in the two years we've been together, he wasn't right for me.
We met in zoology class when I was 15 and he was 17. I told him right when I met him that I was a Christian. When we started dating, I told him my virginity was sacred to me and God. He told me he understood, and he even started going to church with me. Granted, he did show up late often. Over the past two years, that habit didn't go away. I told him it made me feel like he didn't care enough about God or church to show up on time, and that it felt disrespectful to me. He changed for maybe two Sundays, then went back to being late. This made me realize something. He wasn't going to church for God. He was going just to make me happy.
I am ashamed to say that before I realized where his heart really was, I gave him my virginity when I was just 15. He lost his before me when he was 14... so I don't know how I didn't see it coming. I know it was my fault just as much as his. I was hoping he would be strong and stand up for my -and "our"- morals, but clearly, he did not. I know I should have stopped us, being the true Christian and knowing just how wrong it was... but I was broken when he met me. I'm not justifying our actions, but I was not in the right place with God at that point.
I am trying to be in a better relationship with God now. I have told my now ex many times that I need a man who will lead me to God, but all he would do was lead me to his bed... so when I finally decided I'd had enough, I broke up with him. I asked him if he would still be a follower of Christ and go to church without me and he said, "what's the point?" That made my decision a lot easier for me. I am still struggling with it though. I'm sorry this is such a long story, but I really need advice and opinions from Godly people. Did I do the right thing afterall? Or should I have stayed and waited for him to want to follow Jesus on his own? Why do I feel like I dodged a bullet, but also guilty at the same time? Should I have stayed and led him to God? I thought that was what I was doing for two years, but I guess everything I or the pastor said didn't go through to him. Am I alone in this situation? Please help me and pray for me to know what God wants for us, because I still care so much for this man.

It will be ok, so you were hasty and maybe you two had different ideas. But leave it where it is, for wrong or right you can't change what happened. And yes I think you pushed your faith onto him, while he pushed his lust onto you.

Learn how that feels and you'll grow and change.

 

[Ugly]

Did I do the right thing afterall? By breaking up with him? Absolutely!

Or should I have stayed and waited for him to want to follow Jesus on his own? Definitely not. He wasn't even searching, just playing along to get in your pants.

Why do I feel like I dodged a bullet, but also guilty at the same time? You feel you dodged a bullet because, well, you did. If you had stayed with and married him his religious facade would've gone away completely and then you would have been stuck with him. You don't specify what you feel guilty about. Breaking up with him? You probably feel guilty because you dated for 2 years. And you had sex, which makes breaking up with someone even harder because it is an intimate experience.

Should I have stayed and led him to God? No No No No No. You are not capable of leading him to God. This guy wanted one thing from you. When you stopped giving him what he wanted, he stopped having any interest in you. And he never respected you, so nothing you could have said or done would have any affect on bringing him to God.
I thought that was what I was doing for two years, but I guess everything I or the pastor said didn't go through to him. Am I alone in this situation? Please help me and pray for me to know what God wants for us, because I still care so much for this man.

Of course it didn't affect the guy. He wasn't there to listen. He was there to win your trust so you'd keep sleeping with him. I don't need to pray to know you should get away from this user. He doesn't respect you, doesn't care about you, lied to you, conned you and used God to do it, all to have sex.
I get the feeling that it's sometimes hard to let go of people we care about, even when they mistreat us, but this 'man' isn't someone who makes bad choices, he seeks out to use people.

 

[tourist]

I think that you should forget all about him. Take a few years to get some higher education and enjoy your life. There is no need to be bogged down at your age. There is no hurry.

 

[FaithCharity]

Boys/guys were my vice and probably my biggest stumbling block in my walk with Christ before I really got serious. I tried to justify dating guys that I knew weren't morally focused by saying I could change them. Of course I couldn't, only God can call His children, but it was the "best excuse" I could come up with so that's what I told myself.

Your heart seems like it's in the right place and it's normal for us young girls to want love from the opposite sex. You're absolutely right to have broken up with him and I think you shouldn't pursue that relationship even as just friends. When you have that strong of feelings for someone it's hard to remain platonic. The best you can do for him is to pray for him and submit your worries to God.

Have hope though for your future relationships! Walk your path with God and some day down the line you'll notice someone has been walking beside you towards the same goal. I know the title of the book I'm going to recommend to you is hella cheesy, I thought so too, but it's not a bad book: A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid A Bozo by Jackie Kendall. Again, I know the title doesn't look at all promising but it does have good, Biblical points and highlights stories in the Bible with the stories of Ruth and Boaz (a healthy relationship), and Tamar and Amnon (a not-healthy relationship) as the main examples.

As someone who's been where you've been, at least in part, and rather recently at that, feel free to message me.

 

[mrdesire]

Boys/guys were my vice and probably my biggest stumbling block in my walk with Christ before I really got serious. I tried to justify dating guys that I knew weren't morally focused by saying I could change them. Of course I couldn't, only God can call His children, but it was the "best excuse" I could come up with so that's what I told myself.

Your heart seems like it's in the right place and it's normal for us young girls to want love from the opposite sex. You're absolutely right to have broken up with him and I think you shouldn't pursue that relationship even as just friends. When you have that strong of feelings for someone it's hard to remain platonic. The best you can do for him is to pray for him and submit your worries to God.

Have hope though for your future relationships! Walk your path with God and some day down the line you'll notice someone has been walking beside you towards the same goal. I know the title of the book I'm going to recommend to you is hella cheesy, I thought so too, but it's not a bad book: A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid A Bozo by Jackie Kendall. Again, I know the title doesn't look at all promising but it does have good, Biblical points and highlights stories in the Bible with the stories of Ruth and Boaz (a healthy relationship), and Tamar and Amnon (a not-healthy relationship) as the main examples.

As someone who's been where you've been, at least in part, and rather recently at that, feel free to message me.

How did you become so serious at 18.

 

[FaithCharity]

I started typing before trying to quote you and I don't know how to do that in post, so this is for mrdesire ^^^^

I was raised right, but did wrong, struggled with heart-wrenching depression for a time, and am now, finally, being honest to God and trying to live love-oriented.

I wouldn't call myself "serious" though, I would say I'm quite adventurous and silly and sometimes even a little too sarcastic.

 

[tourist]

I started typing before trying to quote you and I don't know how to do that in post, so this is for mrdesire ^^^^

I was raised right, but did wrong, struggled with heart-wrenching depression for a time, and am now, finally, being honest to God and trying to live love-oriented.

I wouldn't call myself "serious" though, I would say I'm quite adventurous and silly and sometimes even a little too sarcastic.

To quote a specific post click on the Reply With Quote button. Hit Enter a couple times to leave space between the quote and your post.

 

[Tinuviel]

Before I give any advice, I'd like to say one thing: I am SO proud of you! It took a lot of courage and faith to break off a relationship that's gotten that far, but you did it anyway because you knew it was right. I'm literally crying right now. I didn't think that there was any other teens out there who still stand up for what is right.

Stay away from that relationship; as a Christian God is the centre of your being, right? Your ex doesn't care about God; which means he doesn't care about the centre of your being. He doesn't care about who you really are.

Your mistakes are past, God has forgiven them. You've learned from them and you need to move on. Don't stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't draw you closer to God.

 

[Xeano321]

Should I have stayed and led him to God?

Far too often I notice people spend days and weeks attempting to convert the most stubborn person. In this case, heavy emotions were involved. This guy put up with (yes, it was an inconvenience he tolerated it to get what he wanted) going to church and playing charades just for one thing. It's truly an unfortunate event. Don't beat yourself up over losing your virginity. Most good guys aren't worried about past mistakes. As long as you asked God for forgiveness, it's all taken care of.

I have told my now ex many times that I need a man who will lead me to God, but all he would do was lead me to his bed...

You fell for it, you got burned, and now you realize the hard facts of it all. Good things did arise out of the ashes however, as you are now closer to God, and you will never be fooled by guys like this again. In the big picture, he is actually the one losing out unless he cleans his act up. On judgement day, he has no choice but to admit that he knew the truth about Jesus and the bible, and he foolishly tossed it to the wayside.

because I still care so much for this man

I assume that he was your first love? It's a horrible thing he did to you. Totally disrespectful to you and showed a complete disregard for God and his biblical responsibilities to women. He is showing no sign of change and repentance, and he's not worth having around in your life.

If he is like the average loser, he will be back and say how "sorry" and how much he's "changed" just to get back with you. Keep your guard up.

what God wants for us

I think God delivered by getting you away from this guy. Bible says you will know them by their fruits.... This guy is not a christian. Have nothing to do with him until he bears quality fruit.
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Life is a long long time. There are seven billion people on this planet, and the chances of a godly man waiting in the wings for you is super high. God has him all picked out for you, the perfect match! A man who will protect your emotions, who will respect your morals, who loves God with all his heart, who will fight for and protect your heart. Don't waste your time feeling sorry about this guy. He's not worth it. Follow God, stick to his plan. Trust his guidance, and use wisdom you gather from this experience. Make that your priority (as it sounds like you have) and life will continue on, leaving you to recover and advance to the next level of life.

Dude needs a good kick somewhere. It's just unfortunate what he did. I'm quite impressed you did what you did. (most girls I know who experience the same thing are still with these guys, never letting go.) It's awesome, you're on the right path. You totally did the right thing, don't feel like you made a mistake. (Total support from me. I'm super impressed.)

Will pray for you, of course. It'll get better.

 

[tannerbrody]

I am 17. I've been with my boyfriend (19) for over two years. I recently broke up with him because I know he isn't leading me to God. I felt like, even in the two years we've been together, he wasn't right for me.
We met in zoology class when I was 15 and he was 17. I told him right when I met him that I was a Christian. When we started dating, I told him my virginity was sacred to me and God. He told me he understood, and he even started going to church with me. Granted, he did show up late often. Over the past two years, that habit didn't go away. I told him it made me feel like he didn't care enough about God or church to show up on time, and that it felt disrespectful to me. He changed for maybe two Sundays, then went back to being late. This made me realize something. He wasn't going to church for God. He was going just to make me happy.
I am ashamed to say that before I realized where his heart really was, I gave him my virginity when I was just 15. He lost his before me when he was 14... so I don't know how I didn't see it coming. I know it was my fault just as much as his. I was hoping he would be strong and stand up for my -and "our"- morals, but clearly, he did not. I know I should have stopped us, being the true Christian and knowing just how wrong it was... but I was broken when he met me. I'm not justifying our actions, but I was not in the right place with God at that point.
I am trying to be in a better relationship with God now. I have told my now ex many times that I need a man who will lead me to God, but all he would do was lead me to his bed... so when I finally decided I'd had enough, I broke up with him. I asked him if he would still be a follower of Christ and go to church without me and he said, "what's the point?" That made my decision a lot easier for me. I am still struggling with it though. I'm sorry this is such a long story, but I really need advice and opinions from Godly people. Did I do the right thing afterall? Or should I have stayed and waited for him to want to follow Jesus on his own? Why do I feel like I dodged a bullet, but also guilty at the same time? Should I have stayed and led him to God? I thought that was what I was doing for two years, but I guess everything I or the pastor said didn't go through to him. Am I alone in this situation? Please help me and pray for me to know what God wants for us, because I still care so much for this man.

Sounds like you're better off without him. At least he didn't get you pregnant. According to the Duggars you're to young to date anyway. When you hit 18 head on over to christianmingle.com and find yourself a Godly man. Tell'em Tanner sent you.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Sounds like you're better off without him. At least he didn't get you pregnant. According to the Duggars you're to young to date anyway. When you hit 18 head on over to christianmingle.com and find yourself a Godly man. Tell'em Tanner sent you.

Don't send her to christian mingle. There's just as many, if not more, players online there, then there are in real life. The last thing she needs is another player..

 

[Sidney]

Thank you all very much for your comments and support I am still broken up with him, and I'm so glad I am. Today he was rude to me for no reason. I feel like he is letting his true ugly colors show. I feel free and enlightened. I just hope God sends me Mr. Right soon, before I meet another rotten one No matter what, though, I will never sacrifice my morals and values for a man again. I am so happy to be in a better relationship with my one true love, Jesus. I know He loves me like no man ever could, and He will never betray me. Thanks again, everyone. It's good to know that I have a family in Christ who supports me ♡

 

[Xeano321]

I just hope God sends me Mr. Right soon, before I meet another rotten one

Don't live in fear of meeting another rotten one, God wont do that to you if your life is in his hands. (He might have Mr. Right all picked out already, and it could be five years before you meet him. So don't get discouraged, trust God.)

Also, if possible, screen your gentleman callers through your Dad. He should make sure this junk wont happen again (hopefully.)

I will never sacrifice my morals and values for a man again. I am so happy to be in a better relationship with my one true love, Jesus. I know He loves me like no man ever could, and He will never betray me

That's all that matters out of all this. BOOM! Level up +1 ;D Great job, now continue on!
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