Hey Everyone,
For all the regulars out there, as usual, this post is going to be long. For any newcomers, welcome! And for anyone who decides to read this entire post and perhaps contribute some thoughts, I'd like to offer a sincere thank-you in advance.
The following topic is something I contemplate often in life. I know there are no real answers this side of heaven, but occasionally I bring this subject up for the sake of discussion.
Most people here know that I am adopted, so the plight of unwanted, abandoned, and orphaned children is a very important personal cause to me.
Long ago, I read a tear-jerking article written by a woman who had visited an orphanage in which there was a room full of babies in cribs, but but she observed that the entire room was "eerily silent." The babies neither babbled nor cried, and when she asked about this, the answer was heartbreaking -- the staff worker explained that, since there was always too much work to be done and too few caregivers to go around, the babies had learned that no one would answer their cries -- and so they simply stopped crying or trying to communicate altogether.
Scientific studies have shown the detrimental, and even fatal effects on babies and children who don't receive enough interaction, healthy touch, and loving affection. These days, the number of children who grow up with a healthy amount of this seem to be far and few between, and we are all seeing what effects this has on society.
So why is it, I've always wondered, that life is then designed in such a way that once a person grows up (as in, is no longer a toddler,) they will then receive virtually no appropriate, assuring physical touch or interaction by the time they are an adult? Now for some, marriage might be the answer. But even then, I've known many married people who are enduring marriages with little to no affirmation, touch, or affection.
And yet, it's a life-giving aspect of human existence.
Back in the days when HIV exploded onto the scene, I heard a presentation from a woman who had contracted HIV from her husband. He had been a hemophiliac (his blood did not clot,) was in a car accident which resulted in a blood transfusion, and got HIV from it because this was before the blood supply was being screened for HIV. He later died from AIDS-related complications (as it knocks our your body's immune system,) leaving behind his wife and their child.
I only knew what was being taught in school and over TV and radio (as this was before the internet,) but I knew it wasn't passed on by casual contact (though many people thought it was, and refused to be in the same room as someone with HIV.)
I went up after the presentation and asked if I could give this brave woman a hug, and when she hugged me back, she started crying on my shoulder. She said it was the first time anyone had been willing to have any physical contact with her in 2 years. I went home and bawled my eyes out over a world that is so increasingly lonely.
I was once part of a ministry that wrote letters to and visited prison inmates, and one of the things I would is what, besides faith in God, helps someone behind bars to stay motivated to even try to keep their humanity, as I usually chose to correspond with those who had LWOP (life without parole,) who would never again see a day outside the prison walls.
I wrote one particular inmate about the sorrow I have over the fact that humans do not do well without interaction or touch, and mentioned how, without it, babies can die.
He answered back, "Grown men die too -- just in other ways."
I will never forget that for as long as I live.
I had a doctor's appointment recently and I'm sure many people can relate, especially other singles -- even something as simple as having a nurse wrap a blood pressure cuff around your arm can startle you, because you are not used to touch. Maybe you get a hug now and then from someone familiar (close friend, church brethren, trusted family,) but that's it -- and any sign of touch puts you on edge, because part of your instinctive "fight or flight" mechanism automatically kicks in -- at least, it does for me.
And yet, how many of us singles wish there was just someone familiar at the end of the day to even just hold our hand? (And how many lonely married people also wish the same from a spouse who is unresponsive or insensitive to their needs?)
Most every human being has compassion for a baby and realizes that he or she needs contact. I recently saw a video of a woman who found an abandoned kitten, so she was keeping it tucked into her jacket for a few hours a day to try to replicate the contact the kitten would have from its mother.
And I've often asked God, if we all know humans can't survive without contact and closeness in the early stages of life, why is life designed to deprive and expect humans to live without it at all as they grow older? Why are even kittens placed in priority above grown human adults?
I don't know of any answers except that this is a sinful, broken world, and that it will be different when we go home to the Lord.
But for those of us who struggle, doesn't that make some of us want to hurry on over to the Lord as soon as possible?
How do you cope with this?
* Was physical assurance (hugs, pats on the back, etc.) important to you when you were young? Was it given to you, or did you have to go without?
* How did you learn to live without healthy contact when you were young, if it was never given?
* Have you found that your need or want for physical affection or assurance has grown or diminished as you've gotten older? Whether you had a little or a lot of affection growing up, how have you adjusted to going without it as a single adult (or married adult who doesn't receive much affection)?
* What advice do you have for other people who are also deprived of contact and affection, though they wish it were possible?
* On the flipside, if you are someone who wasn't really into contact or experienced something that made it feel threatening, does singleness make it easier to cope with, since you can readily avoid most physical contact with others? (Married people are welcome to answer too, such as how they had to learn to be around a spouse and be affectionate if it seemed unappealing to them at first.)
I know this is a very personal topic with few, if any, absolute answers, but I do think it's very important to discuss, if anyone would like to.
God bless.
For all the regulars out there, as usual, this post is going to be long. For any newcomers, welcome! And for anyone who decides to read this entire post and perhaps contribute some thoughts, I'd like to offer a sincere thank-you in advance.
The following topic is something I contemplate often in life. I know there are no real answers this side of heaven, but occasionally I bring this subject up for the sake of discussion.
Most people here know that I am adopted, so the plight of unwanted, abandoned, and orphaned children is a very important personal cause to me.
Long ago, I read a tear-jerking article written by a woman who had visited an orphanage in which there was a room full of babies in cribs, but but she observed that the entire room was "eerily silent." The babies neither babbled nor cried, and when she asked about this, the answer was heartbreaking -- the staff worker explained that, since there was always too much work to be done and too few caregivers to go around, the babies had learned that no one would answer their cries -- and so they simply stopped crying or trying to communicate altogether.
Scientific studies have shown the detrimental, and even fatal effects on babies and children who don't receive enough interaction, healthy touch, and loving affection. These days, the number of children who grow up with a healthy amount of this seem to be far and few between, and we are all seeing what effects this has on society.
So why is it, I've always wondered, that life is then designed in such a way that once a person grows up (as in, is no longer a toddler,) they will then receive virtually no appropriate, assuring physical touch or interaction by the time they are an adult? Now for some, marriage might be the answer. But even then, I've known many married people who are enduring marriages with little to no affirmation, touch, or affection.
And yet, it's a life-giving aspect of human existence.
Back in the days when HIV exploded onto the scene, I heard a presentation from a woman who had contracted HIV from her husband. He had been a hemophiliac (his blood did not clot,) was in a car accident which resulted in a blood transfusion, and got HIV from it because this was before the blood supply was being screened for HIV. He later died from AIDS-related complications (as it knocks our your body's immune system,) leaving behind his wife and their child.
I only knew what was being taught in school and over TV and radio (as this was before the internet,) but I knew it wasn't passed on by casual contact (though many people thought it was, and refused to be in the same room as someone with HIV.)
I went up after the presentation and asked if I could give this brave woman a hug, and when she hugged me back, she started crying on my shoulder. She said it was the first time anyone had been willing to have any physical contact with her in 2 years. I went home and bawled my eyes out over a world that is so increasingly lonely.
I was once part of a ministry that wrote letters to and visited prison inmates, and one of the things I would is what, besides faith in God, helps someone behind bars to stay motivated to even try to keep their humanity, as I usually chose to correspond with those who had LWOP (life without parole,) who would never again see a day outside the prison walls.
I wrote one particular inmate about the sorrow I have over the fact that humans do not do well without interaction or touch, and mentioned how, without it, babies can die.
He answered back, "Grown men die too -- just in other ways."
I will never forget that for as long as I live.
I had a doctor's appointment recently and I'm sure many people can relate, especially other singles -- even something as simple as having a nurse wrap a blood pressure cuff around your arm can startle you, because you are not used to touch. Maybe you get a hug now and then from someone familiar (close friend, church brethren, trusted family,) but that's it -- and any sign of touch puts you on edge, because part of your instinctive "fight or flight" mechanism automatically kicks in -- at least, it does for me.
And yet, how many of us singles wish there was just someone familiar at the end of the day to even just hold our hand? (And how many lonely married people also wish the same from a spouse who is unresponsive or insensitive to their needs?)
Most every human being has compassion for a baby and realizes that he or she needs contact. I recently saw a video of a woman who found an abandoned kitten, so she was keeping it tucked into her jacket for a few hours a day to try to replicate the contact the kitten would have from its mother.
And I've often asked God, if we all know humans can't survive without contact and closeness in the early stages of life, why is life designed to deprive and expect humans to live without it at all as they grow older? Why are even kittens placed in priority above grown human adults?
I don't know of any answers except that this is a sinful, broken world, and that it will be different when we go home to the Lord.
But for those of us who struggle, doesn't that make some of us want to hurry on over to the Lord as soon as possible?
How do you cope with this?
* Was physical assurance (hugs, pats on the back, etc.) important to you when you were young? Was it given to you, or did you have to go without?
* How did you learn to live without healthy contact when you were young, if it was never given?
* Have you found that your need or want for physical affection or assurance has grown or diminished as you've gotten older? Whether you had a little or a lot of affection growing up, how have you adjusted to going without it as a single adult (or married adult who doesn't receive much affection)?
* What advice do you have for other people who are also deprived of contact and affection, though they wish it were possible?
* On the flipside, if you are someone who wasn't really into contact or experienced something that made it feel threatening, does singleness make it easier to cope with, since you can readily avoid most physical contact with others? (Married people are welcome to answer too, such as how they had to learn to be around a spouse and be affectionate if it seemed unappealing to them at first.)
I know this is a very personal topic with few, if any, absolute answers, but I do think it's very important to discuss, if anyone would like to.
God bless.
