Anyone in a relationship finding it hard to wait until marriage?

[CharityLove]

Hello! First post and I'm just going to be bold and honest.

Anyone else in the same boat to talk to and discuss with? I'm the only person in my circle who is trying to wait until marriage with a current relationship. So it's hard for me to talk to anyone else about it, since I am presently going through it.

We've been together for more than 1 year now. Both in our very early 20's, so marriage is not an option yet, until we're stable and not in school. In his teen years he went through a bad phase, and he ended up having sex, so he knows what it's like, but we agreed before we got together that I was going to wait, and he fully agreed and was okay doing that.

The first year we were going strong.. then the temptations came, we fell more in love, more alone time than we should've had, and more lustful actions were taken. In the moment it's hard for us to stop ourselves, and i've been feeling convicted recently, because It's never gotten to penetration yet, but we've for sure done other things, which depending on what you count as sex, may mean i've already failed. Which hurts even more, to accept for me.
Can i even say i waited just because it wasn't penetration? Probably not in Gods eyes.. which makes me even more upset with myself.

Where is the line? Should we not even be kissing? How do I cope as a young adult in this worldly, sex driven culture? Do we keep trying even though we already technically failed?

I feel like we do try our best but other times, it's just us feeding into what our hearts and flesh wants.


Any advice , words, or encouragment would help! Or even just venting, because I don't know any other couple who is struggling with this. It's hard being in my young 20's and trying to wait it out.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

If you don't know any other couples struggling with this then you know a lot of liars. I'd place it as an easy bet most non-married Christian couples will have this struggle, at least once. In fact I'd say sexual sins, of various kinds, are some of the most prevalent within the church.

The easy answer is if you aren't alone you can't succumb. So stop being alone. But few people actually care enough to do that, feeling their time together holds more value than their purity. Of course 5-10 years later they'll feel differently.
If you refuse to do the only obvious thing to stop, then nothing else will likely work. Everything else would require more self awareness and self control.

Oh, and its not just a "young 20's" issue, either. It's an issue young teens to 40+ can struggle with.

As far as "the line", there is no single answer, despite what some may try to tell you. Some people can handle kissing and have solid control of themselves, others not so much. Knowing where Your limit is is the right answer. Then not going that far.

Really many of these answers are easy and obvious but people don't want to do them. People want what they want and would rather push things to the edge of what's allowed than sacrifice their wants and desires.

 

[AndrewT]

hey Charity I am praying for you and your boy friend. I would love to talk with you more and want to talk with you if you feel alone in your struggle. Maybe we can talk and can try to come up with ideas to help your issue. Maybe make a rule that the two of you can't be alone in your dorm or apartment. Try meeting with Christian friends or go out on a date somewhere or double date? I am sure you can figure something out. You made a commitment to not have sex before marriage. I am sure you can make another in order to make that happen

God bless you. Stay strong in His love.

 

[3angelsmsg]

Hi CharityLove, you are not alone hey. But there is solution for every problem. God has a thousand ways to solve our problem. It is good that you are convicted means the Holy spirit is still at work within your heart. But sis, it not that act you should lament but rather our evil hearts. There should really be a fundamental change in our hearts. Sin must be destroyed in our heart. We many times do not understand what Jesus came to do for us on the cross. Jesus lived the sinless life by taking from the right source. He understood His real identity being a child of God. We have dependencies sis, and we can divide it in two types of needs. 1. Physical needs and 2. Spiritual needs.... And the source to satisfy our physical needs would be to take from the earth for example, oxygen, fruit, vegetables, 36 degrees warmth all these are needs that the body needs to function optimal. And like that we learn from nature. Our spiritual needs also has a source from which we need to take from. Our spiritual need can only be satisfied by God. Our greatest spiritual need would be love. And love comes only from God. No human being can manufacture love. And you are seeking for love outside of the law of God. Our hearts is evil and we cannot see the error in our heart. We don't see the evil as evil. We are born with the wrong identity. We think to receive is a gain and not giving as the gain. When we go into relationships, we don't go into relationship to give but to receive. We have expectations of others. Love from humans cannot satisfy the soul. We will always hunger. The simple solution sister is tonbe depended on God for love. And then you take God's love and share it with others. When I looked closely at mine own life. I realised that everything that I thought I was doing for others. Was actually for myself to make myself happy. But if we understand that the universe is governed by self-sacrificing love. Everything in nature take in order to share. Many times we are depended on humans and do not trust in God. Because trust is the first action in our spirit. And the question we need to ask ourselves in whom do we trust.