Hi ArtsieSteph!
You’re right that thankfully God doesn’t look with the world’s eyes. We may be “nobody” to the world, but somebody to God. I wouldn’t use the term “loser” with yourself or with anyone else. We’re human and life’s circumstances can unfold in ways we wouldn’t have imagined for ourselves or others. We can be our own worst critics as well, but we should change our perspective. Be less concerned with the things of the world and have more consideration for what God wants. The world can think whatever they want, but we know who is the only One we have to answer to. Christians become children of God, but we’re not perfect. We’re not promised a life without struggles either.
You asked if anyone else has struggled with comparing their life to others’ versions of success. I’m sure many (if not all) have. I for example never cared about being rich nor being some competitive executive with fancy material things. I just wanted a career I’d be happy in. However, I’ve struggled a lot in the path I chose and through it all God’s taught me many lessons. I’ve been scared, have cried many tears, but it’s all brought me closer to Him. I don’t know what the future holds in store, but I know I’m where I need to be right now. The world may not understand, but what’s important is that God does. I’m just along for the bumpy ride LOL Life definitely has its ups and downs, but God has grown my trust in Him in ways that wouldn’t have happened without those struggles.
You said it’s hard knowing you disappoint so many, including yourself. I agree and think it’s something we’ll all experience from time to time because nobody but God is perfect. However, we shouldn’t stay stuck when we “fail.” We all make mistakes and fall, but we get up and try again. What can you do to change? I don’t think you can please everybody all the time. Someone will always find fault with you. But as long as you are working toward being the person you want, don’t let their opinions get to you. Do everything as if to the Lord and not man (Colossians 3:23).
The things on your list are relative. The American dream to have a career and live on your own doesn’t exist in other cultures. In other countries generations of families live together and it’s normal. I don’t think it’s shameful. It’s normal in my own family and I wouldn’t look down on anybody else for it. You may also get a job and work hard but it doesn’t have to be a career. How can you best serve God and others? Would the career you might consider leave you time to serve? If not, maybe that’s in part why that hasn’t worked out so far?
Once you find a job or potential career path, then you can save up for a car, your own place, etc. But none of those are things you need. Most people have shelter, but some are homeless. The Bible says, “Foxes have dens and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20). Do your parents enjoy having you? Then don’t feel guilty for staying. Enjoy them while they’re alive and there. Help them out with things at home. If they are not the most welcoming to put it lightly, then by all means when the time comes and the circumstances allow you can move out then. Nobody should make you feel bad for things out of your control. If it was hard to find a job before, it’s even harder now with all the businesses that temporarily closed and reduced their staff. Hang in there.
You listed “overweight, lazy, unmotivated.” I don’t personally know you, but I wouldn’t choose those words to describe you. You seem kind and if you’re “artsy” then I’d add creative as well
For the first thing, eat healthy and exercise. I know it’s easier said than done, but unless there are other causes like a thyroid gland issue, if you want to change that you can. I know of a couple that lost weight together doing Zumba. It’s possible and can be done in a fun way. And we can all feel lazy or unmotivated at one point or another (especially during this long quarantine…), but it should never define us. Is this a constant feeling? What’s at the root of those feelings? How can we take steps to change? Pray for God to help as it says those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31).
Take care <3