Advice for a new divorcée
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I'm sure those who've been through divorces will have some more insightful advice, but I'll pass on the advice that I found most useful during burnout...
Don't do anything stupid
Don't do anything stupid
Don't do anything stupid
it kind of became my mantra and measuring stick for a season and helped me avoid the worst kinds of stupid (though maybe not the daydream of running off and disappearing into the woods where I wouldn't have to deal with people anymore, but at least I didn't do that in practice and then find I forgot to consider a few minor details like food, water, and shelter)
Along with that advice is probably the caveat of give yourself as much time as you can to make any further major life decisions / changes.
Welcome to the singles forum by the way.
Don't do anything stupid
Don't do anything stupid
Don't do anything stupid
it kind of became my mantra and measuring stick for a season and helped me avoid the worst kinds of stupid (though maybe not the daydream of running off and disappearing into the woods where I wouldn't have to deal with people anymore, but at least I didn't do that in practice and then find I forgot to consider a few minor details like food, water, and shelter)
Along with that advice is probably the caveat of give yourself as much time as you can to make any further major life decisions / changes.
Welcome to the singles forum by the way.
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The worse thing that a man could do would be destroying the marital trust by cheating on his wife. I am sorry about the terrible thing he did to you but please know that you're not alone in this as there are a few others in the same situation.
The best that you can do is to let go and let God and ask for His help in moving forward with your life.
Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
The best that you can do is to let go and let God and ask for His help in moving forward with your life.
Glad to have you as part of our family. Welcome to CC.
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Welcome, you are loved and accepted in the Beloved......
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.
Isaiah 54:5-8 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Isaiah 54:5-8&version=KJV
For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.
Isaiah 54:5-8 - https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Isaiah 54:5-8&version=KJV
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Avoid all new relationships for at least a few years. It's easy to convince yourself you're ready for something new, when really you're just tired of being alone. Not only do you risk being hurt, but risk hurting someone you may grow to care about.
Therefore focus on recovery, not on being lonely. If you have friends or family you can spend extra time around, then do so. Dwelling on "what you're missing" (which is often romanticized and idealized and not realistic) will only make things more difficult.
But you still want to give yourself time to grieve and cope and to face things. And to let yourself feel emotions. Just not be overcome by them.
Don't rush. It'll happen and you'll feel better. Don't force it, grow into it naturally.
Therefore focus on recovery, not on being lonely. If you have friends or family you can spend extra time around, then do so. Dwelling on "what you're missing" (which is often romanticized and idealized and not realistic) will only make things more difficult.
But you still want to give yourself time to grieve and cope and to face things. And to let yourself feel emotions. Just not be overcome by them.
Don't rush. It'll happen and you'll feel better. Don't force it, grow into it naturally.
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The way I approached things after my wife left was to take stock of my own life to see if there was anything that needed to change for me to be better. Can't really ever control what someone else is going to do. I actually made an appointment with the counselor we had been seeing (required for the divorce, she had no interest in making things work) by myself after the divorce to see if I could get a third party input on what I needed to change.
I think the "avoid all new relationships for ___ period of time" is too rigid. Just be aware of what characteristics of the other person may have contributed to this and avoid them.
I think the "avoid all new relationships for ___ period of time" is too rigid. Just be aware of what characteristics of the other person may have contributed to this and avoid them.
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Some really good advice already, especially from Subhumanoidal, cinder and Oncefallen.
All I can add is, don't try to find a replacement just for the sake of finding a replacement to fill the hole that was left in your life. If you go out looking for a guy just for the sake of not being alone you will find one, and you'll be miserable ever after. I've seen it happen a LOT, and not one single time have I seen it end well.
Hmm... all the best advice in this thread seems to be saying the same basic thing, "Take it sllloooooooowwwww!"
All I can add is, don't try to find a replacement just for the sake of finding a replacement to fill the hole that was left in your life. If you go out looking for a guy just for the sake of not being alone you will find one, and you'll be miserable ever after. I've seen it happen a LOT, and not one single time have I seen it end well.
Hmm... all the best advice in this thread seems to be saying the same basic thing, "Take it sllloooooooowwwww!"
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I roll the opposite, I like to play the odds. Gives me something to do and not be lonely. I was that way for many years raising my daughter and I literally forgot how to interact with women. After having a partner for thirty years and being alone for 6, all things being equal, I would rather not be alone in this life.
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