Advice for a close friend.

[SteveEpperson]

no offence but you are very late about it, it's been happening a long time,

You make my point for me here. It's been going on way too long.

deadbeat dads aren't a new term either.

No, and unfortunately it's assumed that when a wife leave's a husband, it's the man's fault, always. Then, the assumption is carried forward to him being a "deadbeat dad." After all, what else could he be? According to every sermon you hear on the subject, all men are terrible fathers.

I hope your friend stands up to his duty as a parent,

Why would you assume he hasn't? Has the left-wing media, Hollywood, and the institutional church brainwashed you too? I hope not. I hope you are one of the few who have faith in fathers who have been abandoned by their wives.

And no, this is not a new phenomenon, either. However, it is becoming worse by the minute.

but again I will add, that children can have 100 dads, but they will always, always know their own dad if they knew him at all.

Why would you want any kid to have more than one dad? It's a rhetorical question, but one to ponder.

Again, I stand by my conviction that fatherhood has been taken over by Satan. He has drawn so many into the idea that somehow it's okay to go marriage-hopping at the expense of your children.

It's time that young, Godly men fight back against this "new normal" by resisting the idea of becoming fathers simply to appease a sick, depraved society.

 

[Mofastus]

You make my point for me here. It's been going on way too long.



No, and unfortunately it's assumed that when a wife leave's a husband, it's the man's fault, always. Then, the assumption is carried forward to him being a "deadbeat dad." After all, what else could he be? According to every sermon you hear on the subject, all men are terrible fathers.



Why would you assume he hasn't? Has the left-wing media, Hollywood, and the institutional church brainwashed you too? I hope not. I hope you are one of the few who have faith in fathers who have been abandoned by their wives.

And no, this is not a new phenomenon, either. However, it is becoming worse by the minute.



Why would you want any kid to have more than one dad? It's a rhetorical question, but one to ponder.

Again, I stand by my conviction that fatherhood has been taken over by Satan. He has drawn so many into the idea that somehow it's okay to go marriage-hopping at the expense of your children.

It's time that young, Godly men fight back against this "new normal" by resisting the idea of becoming fathers simply to appease a sick, depraved society.

I'm a dad and a grandfather not an infidel, if you chose to coin my words to have an contention about, so be it. but it seems you're on the outside looking in and I'm looking back at you. I don't think there is one marriage that happens with the intentions of getting a divorce. And even godly men can get divorced or haven't you read the Bible. I'm glad you are crusading for men to take a stand, just shows me it remains ongoing thank you for that. because it's even worse today, kids aren't even getting married anymore and having children, again "the new normal". So by all means... Carry on !

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

How has your friend been since u posted?

 

[Laura798]

Hello, everyone.

I have a good friend whose wife divorced him a few years ago and took their children. She has since remarried and they all live in the same town. It really is quite awkward for everyone involved, especially since he knows the new hubby.

Anyway, this guy is already insisting that the kids call him dad out of spite for my friend. And his ex-wife is on board with it, apparently to add to the cruelty and vindictiveness.

The saddest part is, my friend is a godly Christian man who apparently didn't make quite enough money to keep up with her maintenance. So, she found someone with deeper pockets.

The custody arrangement was the usual weekend visitation. And to his credit, I don't think he's missed a weekend yet.

But he is battling over the anger issue. He doesn't want to be so furious, because he knows it's a sin. Yet someone else is actively trying to take his place as a dad to his children.

What advice would you give him?

I'm sorry about your friend--I think he needs to find a support group for divorced parents--preferably Christian. If not, talk to his pastor or another leader at church. He needs to tell his wife HE is their dad and it's not okay to call someone else that who isn't--the kids should simply call their stepfather, John or whatever his name is--I've never heard of such a thing--I'd be upset too. The other is to find a Christian Singles group and/or to start dating again. The most important thing he needs now is to find Christian support.

 

[SteveEpperson]

I'm sorry about your friend--I think he needs to find a support group for divorced parents--preferably Christian.

Not a bad idea, thanks. I'll let him know.

He needs to tell his wife HE is their dad and it's not okay to call someone else that who isn't--the kids should simply call their stepfather, John or whatever his name is--I've never heard of such a thing--I'd be upset too.

Okay, so I'm not going crazy! I thought I was the only one left on the planet--besides my friend-- who thought this way. It is extremely disrespectful. And I know for sure it's done out of spite.

The other is to find a Christian Singles group and/or to start dating again.

What, so he can get married again, have even more kids, and pay even more child support after yet another divorce? He makes okay money, but not that much. He has a "lady friend" but she will be hard-pressed to get him to marry her.

The most important thing he needs now is to find Christian support

Amen. I told him about this website, but he doesn't like online communities. He's a TV junkie instead. Binge watches old shows. Weird guy.

 

[SteveEpperson]

How has your friend been since u posted?

He has recently talked to his ex on the phone. He made it clear about his objections to hubby #2 insisting the kids call him dad.

Surprisingly, she agreed not to push it and that they are both very careful about saying anything bad about my friend to the kids.

It looks like there will be peace in the valley after all. And I think he feels better knowing his children still love him. I can see it when they go over to his house on the weekends. It's amazing how they cling to him.

 

[Laura798]

Not a bad idea, thanks. I'll let him know.



Okay, so I'm not going crazy! I thought I was the only one left on the planet--besides my friend-- who thought this way. It is extremely disrespectful. And I know for sure it's done out of spite.



What, so he can get married again, have even more kids, and pay even more child support after yet another divorce? He makes okay money, but not that much. He has a "lady friend" but she will be hard-pressed to get him to marry her.



Amen. I told him about this website, but he doesn't like online communities. He's a TV junkie instead. Binge watches old shows. Weird guy.

Hi Steve,

I was just checking in and I saw I had a notification for this thread. Christian Singles as I said and/or-- meaning possibly a group he can do activities with. And if he's a Christian I can't imagine he wants to live the rest of his life single unless he's fairly old. In most marriages nowadays both the couples work. My brother--believes in God, but isn't a Christian--he's an average sort of person with an average job --he's been married then engaged-broke that off and now engaged again--all of these ladies were very nice AND independent. Two had children of their own and weren't looking for more.

Your friend can decide for himself what he wants, but I believe it is healthier for a man to be with a group of fellow Christians and god willing get married again--men seem to have a harder time being alone than women. All the best--it's good he has a friend looking out for him. Laura

 

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

He has recently talked to his ex on the phone. He made it clear about his objections to hubby #2 insisting the kids call him dad.

Surprisingly, she agreed not to push it and that they are both very careful about saying anything bad about my friend to the kids.

It looks like there will be peace in the valley after all. And I think he feels better knowing his children still love him. I can see it when they go over to his house on the weekends. It's amazing how they cling to him.

Tell him to assume zero and keep is guard up. His firmness and honesty will be powerful