A good Christian husband outward with moral issues

[H3n0515]

Many marriages face this issue. Unfortunately, the person with the porn addition has to WANT to change. No amounts of nagging or threats of hell is going to make them stop. However, many people with porn addiction do not think porn is a big deal, so the desire to change is not great. Someone once explained to me that looking at porn is not a big deal, and that it is like "going to the bathroom." Many people (both men and women) view sex as a need, something they cannot control and which is part of nature. I think as long as people view sex as a need, which it isn't, they are going to feel justified in looking at porn, having affairs, etc.

I would rather say the masturbation shows the woman is not enough, so the marriage is on a bad foundation.

If the children are over 5 and in school single parent homes are viable, child support should be pursued because he should not be unburdened by this choice. Obviously, if the children are much older and able to tend to themselves reasonably independently it is a no brainer...

Certainly, this is not helping her find God.

 

[H3n0515]

I would go so far as to say masturbation is a virtue if used to avoid the situation entirely.

That would be controversial though, and that's frowned on.

Obviously, if it is excessive it should be treated like being overweight...

 

[Evmur]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

I have the idea that the last thing your husband would want is for you to talk out about this matter. Maybe if he thought you were at the place where you might start talking out it would frighten him into changing his way.

 

[Hungry]

I would rather say the masturbation shows the woman is not enough, so the marriage is on a bad foundation.

If the children are over 5 and in school single parent homes are viable, child support should be pursued because he should not be unburdened by this choice. Obviously, if the children are much older and able to tend to themselves reasonably independently it is a no brainer...

Certainly, this is not helping her find God.

In all of my years at CC this might be the worst advice I’ve seen to date. Whether the husband and father is sexually satisfied or not has no bearing on the sustainability of this family. Just because Ted Bundy and a majority of Christian males view porn, doesn’t mean they are all going to end up raping and killing women. He likes to look at promiscuous, naked women. What confident heterosexual male doesn’t? Why do you think that just about every company injects sex into their advertising? It’s because it works! It doesn’t lessen his ability to provide, and perform as a husband and father. If he was getting fired because of watching porn at work, or ignoring his wife because of it then yeah, time to seek some serious counseling. Other than that it’s no different than having too much to drink at a party…sort of. It’s an addiction. He needs to discover why he’s turning to this outlet, and pray for clarity, not have his life pulled out from under him. As an ex-porn addict I can testify its beatable like any addiction. I have a wife and four children. Me being in their life has been a blessing, in spite of years of sexual dissatisfaction.

 

[Seeker47]

I totally missed it:

"He dies not behave with me well,"

This is a much bigger issue than porn. We don't know what this means however, if you are living with abuse your problems are greater and much more urgent. Sexual addiction and wife abuse are very serious red flag warnings. Your first responsibility is the safety and welfare of your four children.

Get help.

 

[Runningman]

Women won't understand the raging hormones that biological males experience when they're in heat. "Sexually frustrated" is a bit of an understatement and it isn't just a human problem.

Look at the animal kingdom, too. Males get very agitated, aggressive, and single-mindedly focused in finding a mate.

The big difference is that we have the ability to exercise self-control even if it isn't easy to. I think Paul sympathizes with this point when he said it's better to marry than to burn with passion if you can't control yourself. (1 Corinthians 7:9)

Marriage is, in part, about sexual gratification. Husbands and wives need to be sensitive to their partners sexual needs, remember the vows they made to each other at their wedding, and help one another alleviate that tension because porn is the wrong path.

 

[H3n0515]

In all of my years at CC this might be the worst advice I’ve seen to date. Whether the husband and father is sexually satisfied or not has no bearing on the sustainability of this family. Just because Ted Bundy and a majority of Christian males view porn, doesn’t mean they are all going to end up raping and killing women. He likes to look at promiscuous, naked women. What confident heterosexual male doesn’t? Why do you think that just about every company injects sex into their advertising? It’s because it works! It doesn’t lessen his ability to provide, and perform as a husband and father. If he was getting fired because of watching porn at work, or ignoring his wife because of it then yeah, time to seek some serious counseling. Other than that it’s no different than having too much to drink at a party…sort of. It’s an addiction. He needs to discover why he’s turning to this outlet, and pray for clarity, not have his life pulled out from under him. As an ex-porn addict I can testify its beatable like any addiction. I have a wife and four children. Me being in their life has been a blessing, in spite of years of sexual dissatisfaction.

It is a different perspective...

I do not think reproduction is a virtue in the NT

 

[Hungry]

It is a different perspective...

I do not think reproduction is a virtue in the NT

I agree but I don’t think divorce is a reasonable solution to a pornography addicted spouse.

 

[H3n0515]

I agree but I don’t think divorce is a reasonable solution to a pornography addicted spouse.

It is not about the pornography, it is that neither are fulfilled

It would be better they part so that Christ can be their focus

There is fulfillment in this

 

[Hungry]

It is not about the pornography, it is that neither are fulfilled

It would be better they part so that Christ can be their focus

There is fulfillment in this

If God doesn’t abandon His children, should we?

 

[H3n0515]

If God doesn’t abandon His children, should we?

Huh?

Matt 10:35-38

 

[PaladinOfTheLostHour]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

Obviously... pray about this a lot... it does not sound like a very comfortable situation....Very sorry this is happening....we will pray that your husband will grow to appreciate you so much more and love you in the way he should... that he will repent of this behaviour and turn away from it forever.... if he will not turn away from it... we will pray that God will show you if and when you should leave this situation. In Jesus Name.. we pray... amen...

 

[Hungry]

Huh?

Matt 10:35-38

Not loving your children as much as Christ, doesn’t equate to abandoning them at a young age. I can’t imagine anyone can think that Christ would say, “Love your neighbour but not your children.” A woman cutting her husband loose because he wants more sexual attention than she is willing to give isn’t remotely close to Biblical.

 

[H3n0515]

Not loving your children as much as Christ, doesn’t equate to abandoning them at a young age. I can’t imagine anyone can think that Christ would say, “Love your neighbour but not your children.” A woman cutting her husband loose because he wants more sexual attention than she is willing to give isn’t remotely close to Biblical.

Lets throw in Luke 14:26

 

[H3n0515]

Certainly we are to love all in the Spirit...

For me it is saying family shouldn't be loved above anyone else...

Certainly it does not comply with the general notion if Christian family values

 

[H3n0515]

A woman cutting her husband loose because he wants more sexual attention than she is willing to give isn’t remotely close to Biblical.

1 Corinthians 7 says her body belongs to him, and his belongs to her...

It explicitly says you should not withhold sex... either of you

 

[Hungry]

Lets throw in Luke 14:26

hate
μισεῖ (misei)
Verb - Present Indicative Active - 3rd Person Singular
Strong's Greek 3404: To hate, detest, love less, esteem less. From a primary misos; to detest; by extension, to love less.

Here is the actual translation of the word “hate” used. Again, abandoning children is not Biblical, unless God calls you specifically to serve Him abroad. You seem to be defending your position emotionally, and just trying to justify it with random scripture, hardly relevant. Is there a chance you are not living with your children?

 

[H3n0515]

hate
μισεῖ (misei)
Verb - Present Indicative Active - 3rd Person Singular
Strong's Greek 3404: To hate, detest, love less, esteem less. From a primary misos; to detest; by extension, to love less.

Here is the actual translation of the word “hate” used. Again, abandoning children is not Biblical, unless God calls you specifically to serve Him abroad. You seem to be defending your position emotionally, and just trying to justify it with random scripture, hardly relevant. Is there a chance you are not living with your children?

There is no emotion in my words at all...

I am not suggesting abandoning the children, I am suggesting the marriage is unfulfilling and thus unhealthy.

I have explicitely suggested child support... and obviously the mother will still be there... I have noted difficulty in being a single parent... I have noted a wife and husband are supposed to give of themselves because the point of marriage is an outlet for unsuppressable lust...

I have also shown family values are questionable...

You have not brought up the explicit direction not to divorce but your other complaints are biblically questionable

 

[Hungry]

1 Corinthians 7 says her body belongs to him, and his belongs to her...

It explicitly says you should not withhold sex... either of you

Correct, that would probably solve many pornography problems. If wives would just overload men with more orgasms than they could handle perhaps they wouldn’t seek fulfillment elsewhere. That is hardly the solution women are willing to accept. In the OT there was polygamy and concubines to keep the men satisfied. Today they are expected to be satisfied with whatever crumbs are leftover after she exhausts herself doing what she feels she must. A husbands sexual satisfaction is extremely low priority on most lists. That being said, if he feels that she is only there for that purpose then clearly his understanding and priorities also need adjustment.

 

[H3n0515]

Correct, that would probably solve many pornography problems. If wives would just overload men with more orgasms than they could handle perhaps they wouldn’t seek fulfillment elsewhere. That is hardly the solution women are willing to accept. In the OT there was polygamy and concubines to keep the men satisfied. Today they are expected to be satisfied with whatever crumbs are leftover after she exhausts herself doing what she feels she must. A husbands sexual satisfaction is extremely low priority on most lists. That being said, if he feels that she is only there for that purpose then clearly his understanding and priorities also need adjustment.

I dislike that you suggest women lack sexual desires...

If marriage is not meeting lust based needs it is not functioning as intended...

There are probably reasons for this far beyond a dying attraction...

I do not think it healthy they remain together, I think this can cause more problems for the kids than parting will.