A good Christian husband outward with moral issues

[Kisen]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

 

[TabinRivCA]

Welcome to CC Kisen and so glad the Lord led you here Re your concerns it seems your husband must love you to be having 3 children and a fourth coming with you, right? Pornography is a widespread problem brought on by the easy availability of it. There are others on here, CC, who are having problems regarding it. It's a spirit of lust and you have authority over it in Jesus Name, so pray and believe the Lord will bind this lust in your husband.
There is a Family Forum here and a Prayer Request Forum you should also post this in for more positive input from fellow believers. God bless you and I pray your husband will overcome his lustful habits and cherish his family wholeheartedly.

 

[BlessedByGod]

I believe Tabin covered things quite well. So, I will just add my Welcoming to you here and say I pray God will make his heart ready to change as well (if not already). Don't loose heart, may God Bless, Protect, and Lead your whole Family, including your young cherbs.

 

[oyster67]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

I am so sorry, my dear sister Kisen. Two things come to mind...

Remember that Jesus loves you. His love is far higher and better than that of any other man. He wants to be with you and near you in these troubled times.

I think there are many women in the same boat you are in. Seek each other out and seek to draw nearer to Jesus together.

Welcome to CC, much beloved sister. I look forward to meeting you in the Rapture soon. Just a couple more miles. Jesus will walk with us...

Luke
24:13 And, behold, two of them went that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was from Jerusalem [about] threescore furlongs.
24:14 And they talked together of all these things which had happened.
24:15 And it came to pass, that, while they communed [together] and reasoned, Jesus himself drew near, and went with them.

 

[SwedishFlowerGirl]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

Your husband is comitting a form of adultery - Jesus said that if a man lusts over another woman than his own wife, he is comitting adultery with her in his heart. Remember, adultery in the Old Testament was punishable by death, that’s how serious God sees it! So it is a serious problem in your marriage, and not very respectful towards you (in my opinion).
Have you spoken to your husband about it? Porn addiction is a HUGH problem in our day and age, and our degenearate culture makes it even harder to ”stay clean” and stand up for Biblical values. Like in the days of Lot…
Stay strong, talk to your husband, pray!🙏
God bless.

 

[Hungry]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

First of all, welcome. I have found most here to be good natured and Christ minded. You should find the support you need. Pornography addiction is often misunderstood. Stimulation and orgasm adjusts chemicals in you body and brain like control substances do. As suggested that it’s adultery isn’t entirely accurate. The verse is debatably mistranslated. It’s lusting somebody else’s wife that is adulterous in one’s heart. Regardless, it stings. It feels like rejection all the same. Here’s what you’re missing. Being a dad and husband is stressful. It’s hard work. I know, I have a wife and four children. Most women focus on the children’s needs and just expect the husband to man up. He’s expected to provide, protect, discipline, emotionally support and physically assist the wife with all of her wants and needs. Most men haven’t embraced stoicism. They have needs and wants that are generally ignored and not just sex. Every man wants a cheerleader. By that I mean a woman who puffs him up, and reminds him of how awesome he is. Even when it’s a bad day he can go home and feel respected and admired. Often men go home to house under the banner, “Happy wife, happy life,” and are constantly trying to appease a discontented woman. There are many scenarios and too much science to go into explaining how all of this is accurate. Anyways, looking at a smiling pretty face, and an image that stirs hormonal bliss, is neurologically no different than a hit of cocaine without the cost. Your husband is stressed. He doesn’t want to have to get you in the mood, to get that sweet release. If he wasn’t addicted to porn, it would be something else. He’s coping.

 

[SwedishFlowerGirl]

As suggested that it’s adultery isn’t entirely accurate. The verse is debatably mistranslated. It’s lusting somebody else’s wife that is adulterous in one’s heart.

So if a man is married to one woman but lusts after another woman who he’s NOT married to - and who may very well be married to someone else (porn stars do get married too), how is that NOT comitting adultery in your heart? 🤔
You are still lusting after someone else than the woman you’re married to, and during climax you become ”one flesh” with her, even if it’s ”only” in the mind/heart. I don’t think Jesus would have approved of porn, He would have cosidered it adultery. He did say that if your eye cause you to sin, pluck it out. Right?

But I do agree that sex addiction/porn addiction is just like any other drug, affecting the brain and its reward system. Professional help might be needed.

 

[Runningman]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

Good morning and welcome aboard the forums.

As you have no doubt noticed, men and women are vastly different psychologically and emotionally. We each have different needs and priorities which are often not understood by each other.

While it is not good that he is using porn as an outlet, he is probably not intentionally trying to offend you. I feel like there is probably more to this than is stated here. Do you recall a point where you made him feel rejected when he made advances toward you? All of this is speculation, but he may not have high confidence to approach you anymore.

That being said, I think he still prefers you because he married you after all. I believe it is ok for a husband and wife to lust after each other so maybe there's something you can do you get his attention focused back on you. I hope that helps somehow.

 

[Hungry]

So if a man is married to one woman but lusts after another woman who he’s NOT married to - and who may very well be married to someone else (porn stars do get married too), how is that NOT comitting adultery in your heart? 🤔
You are still lusting after someone else than the woman you’re married to, and during climax you become ”one flesh” with her, even if it’s ”only” in the mind/heart. I don’t think Jesus would have approved of porn, He would have cosidered it adultery. He did say that if your eye cause you to sin, pluck it out. Right?

But I do agree that sex addiction/porn addiction is just like any other drug, affecting the brain and its reward system. Professional help might be needed.

Porn would be considered harlotry and prostitution, yes sinful. However the verse everyone loves to quote about looking at porn being adulterous isn’t directly applicable. Men were allowed multiple wives and sex slaves (concubines), not adulterous. What they weren’t allowed to do is have sex with another man’s wife. That’s adulterous. The word “woman” in the verse is interchangeable with “wife”. It makes a world of sense to use wife in that verse. “One flesh” isn’t a sexual thing. Believe it or not marriage wasn’t exactly a sexual thing either. That’s why Leah and Rachel gave their hand maids to Jacob to sleep with. Their are sexual laws in place to protect the reason for marriage. Marriage was for lineage which travelled down the man’s line. This is why a brother would sleep with his widowed sister in law to give her an heir to his brother’s inheritance. We make marriage about sex. Women couldn’t hold property. Her joy and even her livelihood rested on having a son to take care of her when her husband died. The women were more focussed on their children than their husbands fidelity. The oldest boy was the heir.

Now “one flesh” has to do with purpose. When you marry, you act as a team. Two people, one mission. In the OT, it wasn’t restricted to two people. That’s how we are the bride of Christ, one body/flesh, one mission. Neither the concubine, nor the prostitute, and definitely not some visual mastabatory aid will constitute “one flesh”.

Side note: Least appropriate new members thread to date. My fault admittedly.

 

[SwedishFlowerGirl]

Porn would be considered harlotry and prostitution, yes sinful. However the verse everyone loves to quote about looking at porn being adulterous isn’t directly applicable.

Jesus did say in Matthew 5:28 ”But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
He did not add: except for ”visual masturbation aid”. That’s fine.

So I stick to my conviction that watching porn is a form of adultery - until Jesus tells me otherwise.

 

[Hungry]

Jesus did say in Matthew 5:28 ”But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
He did not add: except for ”visual masturbation aid”. That’s fine.

So I stick to my conviction that watching porn is a form of adultery - until Jesus tells me otherwise.

The word “woman” is “wife”. Look it up. That’s what makes it adultery. Men were allowed several wives. I can only assume that had something to do with lust.

 

[Deade]

Hello Krisen, welcome to Christian Chat.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.


View attachment 228586

 

[Kisen]

First of all, welcome. I have found most here to be good natured and Christ minded. You should find the support you need. Pornography addiction is often misunderstood. Stimulation and orgasm adjusts chemicals in you body and brain like control substances do. As suggested that it’s adultery isn’t entirely accurate. The verse is debatably mistranslated. It’s lusting somebody else’s wife that is adulterous in one’s heart. Regardless, it stings. It feels like rejection all the same. Here’s what you’re missing. Being a dad and husband is stressful. It’s hard work. I know, I have a wife and four children. Most women focus on the children’s needs and just expect the husband to man up. He’s expected to provide, protect, discipline, emotionally support and physically assist the wife with all of her wants and needs. Most men haven’t embraced stoicism. They have needs and wants that are generally ignored and not just sex. Every man wants a cheerleader. By that I mean a woman who puffs him up, and reminds him of how awesome he is. Even when it’s a bad day he can go home and feel respected and admired. Often men go home to house under the banner, “Happy wife, happy life,” and are constantly trying to appease a discontented woman. There are many scenarios and too much science to go into explaining how all of this is accurate. Anyways, looking at a smiling pretty face, and an image that stirs hormonal bliss, is neurologically no different than a hit of cocaine without the cost. Your husband is stressed. He doesn’t want to have to get you in the mood, to get that sweet release. If he wasn’t addicted to porn, it would be something else. He’s coping.

Thank you. I want to believe in your words

 

[Kisen]

I find it quite justified.

 

[Evmur]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

Hello Kisen, hope you get the prayer support and fellowship you need.

 

[NayshaD]

Hi Kisen, welcome to CC. I'm sorry to know you have been going through these matters in your home. I will be praying for you and your family. The Lord has led you to the right place to get the right advice and support. You responding to the Holy Spirit's calling by being here, shows your willingness and faith in the power of God to overcome all things.

Have you considered Jesus way of resolving issues in Matthew 18: 15-18?

1. Sit and have a talk with your husband about the problem (You and him alone).

2. If that doesn't work go with some trusted people to talk together with your husband about the issue.

3. If he still does not understand or listen you will have to bring it to the attention of the church (pastor for example).

I hope this helps. In the mean time I'm praying for you. Take care and let me know if things improve.

 

[Seeker47]

Hello Kisen and welcome to CC.

There are no excuses for your husband, what he is doing is wrong and sinful.

But please understand your husband is caught in a snare of evil. He may not admit it yet, but he is miserable and full of self-loathing and disgust. He is trapped in a world he feels (or will soon feel) powerless to escape. You may need to make some very difficult decisions and people here will keep you in our prayers. We will also pray for your husband that he may find the faith and courage to break free from his chains and recognize his God given role as a true man, husband and father.

 

[H3n0515]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marrital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

A good Husband is Christ like...

He does not have the Spirit.

The rest is evidence.

 

[H3n0515]

1 Corinthians 7 gives the nature of Christian marriage...

How old are the children?

 

[TheIndianGirl]

I am married with my husband for the past ten years. We have 3 children. I am conceived with the fourth. I have marital issues that I cannot share with anyone. He is reputed Christian in my society. But he watches pornography and masturbating a lot. He is not involved physically with anyone but he seems to like quite some girls. He is very enthusiastic towards girls who have big butts, slim, long hair. He dies not behave with me well, but is very well behaved and polite with others that everyone thinks he is very good Christian. I am stuck in this situation. What should I do?

Many marriages face this issue. Unfortunately, the person with the porn addition has to WANT to change. No amounts of nagging or threats of hell is going to make them stop. However, many people with porn addiction do not think porn is a big deal, so the desire to change is not great. Someone once explained to me that looking at porn is not a big deal, and that it is like "going to the bathroom." Many people (both men and women) view sex as a need, something they cannot control and which is part of nature. I think as long as people view sex as a need, which it isn't, they are going to feel justified in looking at porn, having affairs, etc.