31 and still single/ unmarried

[Bananalegs]

God may indeed search and find the one of your heart's desire but you must be ready to take bold decisive action when an opportunity may arise. Finding a good spouse is not a passive endeavor. Whether you remain single or get married is a choice you will have to make as God will not make that choice for you. The only thing that you are meant to be is to have life and have it more abundantly and that is true whether single or married. That's a choice as well.

Literally same page in thinking! I find certain areas are so easy to fully trust Him and give up control, and I recognize that these areas may be very difficult and challenging for others; ie. finances, career, etc. Whereas, the area of relationship/marriage (where others may have complete faith), I almost have 0... more often than not, if I'm being honest! That's amazing! I truly believe it's a conscious choice to hand over the reins every single day to God in all areas (some areas easier than others), no matter how new or long your walk has been! ...and it can be tough! Encouragement from others, prayer, and being constant in the Word are all the only way to make it through! I find myself in few and far situations where I meet a potential man, as I'm not the type to go out looking for it, that combined with the mentality of 'intentional dating', it gets tricky. I've been finding myself feeling like I'm going around in the same loop -- meet someone, really connect, start getting really hopeful, (and tbh, recently have just started truly praying and asking if God is saying "yes", rather than automatically assuming). But in the next moment, it's gone - God's answer is a clear no, and I'm so dismayed; knowing God has His purpose, reason, and ultimately protection as He sees the full future, we don't, which does bring some peace, but I still feel, "Ok, but here I am at square 1 again, and I have 0 clue.... am I going to come across another potential man in a month? 6 months? Year? Couple years? ....to go through this all over again? Or will it really be different this time?" I really struggle with faith in that. And, of course, as you said in your OP, you begin looking to other relationships and comparing, unfortunately - sad reality. It's hard, it's really hard! I just went through this loop, and for the first time decided, "I need to join a community of people with the same faith and connect because I'm really struggling right now"... and I found this thread, and I couldn't be more grateful for it! Your posts have put into the exact words my thoughts/feelings right now!

Thank you so much for sharing that! One of the things that’s hard for me is opening myself up more often than not with people, which makes it hard for me to foster true relationships with people, it usually makes me feel vulnerable, and when I feel vulnerable I feel weak. But being open, true, honest and vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, at least I’m starting too see that now. I’m starting to see how it can only help you to grow and to share your histories and testimonies with others, how that can encourage people to share how they got through that particular situation when they were going through it. And seeing that other people out in the world have the same issues and same thoughts as me with certain situations makes me feel so unbelievably not alone!
It also feels so good to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with faith sometimes too. It helps me to see that there’s nothing wrong with me, I just need to build upon the foundation of whatever it is that my faith is struggling with. Of course easier said than done but we’re not alone in that endeavor.
I’m also right there with you about wanting to find a community of like minded individuals. For the first time in my life sense I joined my current church, I finally feel like I found a true family, instead of just feeling like “I have to go to church” like it was a chore, like I did when I was younger. But I know that there’s a great big world out there full of believers and awesome new friends and family to make!

 

[ArtsieSteph]

Yes that is so true! We all gotta due our part too. You can’t just plant a seed and expect it to grow on its own without watering it daily.

Yup! The verse of the day today was "But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully."

 

[Bananalegs]

To all the single never been married people... please please please be patient and trust in Him His will is being done for your life. Marriage is a covenant from God and not to be taken lightly. Don’t settle for less and wait until you have total peace before getting married because it’s better to be single than being with a wrong person. Have Faith God’s got this!!!

Thank you for that brother! That’s some really true and sound advice. The last thing I wanna do is just settle, and end up with someone that’s just not right for me.

 

[Bananalegs]

I think often times we have to realize that the time of being single is for us to be able to get to the point He wants us to be. And that may well be at a certain level of spiritual maturity for said partner. I think one thing we forget, ad myself included, is to pray that I'M ready for whomever my future husbando is gonna be.

Yes! I was just thinking how the last thing I wanna do is just settle, but that also means that I just need to be patient, yet alert and attentive to whomever God has me cross paths with someday down the line!

 

[SarahRachael]

Thank you so much for sharing that! One of the things that’s hard for me is opening myself up more often than not with people, which makes it hard for me to foster true relationships with people, it usually makes me feel vulnerable, and when I feel vulnerable I feel weak. But being open, true, honest and vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, at least I’m starting too see that now. I’m starting to see how it can only help you to grow and to share your histories and testimonies with others, how that can encourage people to share how they got through that particular situation when they were going through it. And seeing that other people out in the world have the same issues and same thoughts as me with certain situations makes me feel so unbelievably not alone!
It also feels so good to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with faith sometimes too. It helps me to see that there’s nothing wrong with me, I just need to build upon the foundation of whatever it is that my faith is struggling with. Of course easier said than done but we’re not alone in that endeavor.
I’m also right there with you about wanting to find a community of like minded individuals. For the first time in my life sense I joined my current church, I finally feel like I found a true family, instead of just feeling like “I have to go to church” like it was a chore, like I did when I was younger. But I know that there’s a great big world out there full of believers and awesome new friends and family to make!

Haha, well, it sounds like you're taking the right steps in becoming more vulnerable - thank you for that through this thread - I think we've all appreciated it, and it's something to be inspired from in the future - it's easy to see how positive and beneficial this has been to many because you took a chance on being open! Exactly - I think the areas of faith we struggle with the most, are God's way of showing us where we need to pour more water into growing it up to take solid root. I was just reading a passage in Matthew that really resonated with me, where Jesus tells Peter to come to him via walking on water to join him; Matthew 14:30 "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" (31) "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"" I believe that to be a strong analogy for any situation / area we may face in life when we take our eyes off of Jesus and begin to doubt him in it; we will start drowning. I found tremendous encouragement and peace in that, and hopefully that may provide you and others with some as well - not even just in the relationship realm of conversation, but any area! I was born and raised in a church and come from a Christian family, but never truly felt any sense of belonging, and ended up drifting away and attending no church. I became born again saved in 2012, and shortly after felt the desire to attempt to attend that same church again, and was left feeling very disappointed and very alone, so I again left. I ended up moving cities (this was 9 years ago now) and did try going to one new church, and again, felt very disappointed, 0 connection to anybody, tbh, didn't sense the presence of the Lord in either churches at all - which was a major turn off for me. So I resorted to simply the Bible and conversation with my parents, up until quite recently where I was introduced to Transformation Church in Tusla, Oklahoma via youtube and IG... instantly it was home; however, living in Canada, I obviously am still missing actual connection of interaction, which is something that has grown stronger and stronger of a desire very recently; until now through these chats and forums with everyone - so thank you for being here to connect with!! (Also, thank you for putting up with my novels!!)

 

[Bananalegs]

Haha, well, it sounds like you're taking the right steps in becoming more vulnerable - thank you for that through this thread - I think we've all appreciated it, and it's something to be inspired from in the future - it's easy to see how positive and beneficial this has been to many because you took a chance on being open! Exactly - I think the areas of faith we struggle with the most, are God's way of showing us where we need to pour more water into growing it up to take solid root. I was just reading a passage in Matthew that really resonated with me, where Jesus tells Peter to come to him via walking on water to join him; Matthew 14:30 "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" (31) "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"" I believe that to be a strong analogy for any situation / area we may face in life when we take our eyes off of Jesus and begin to doubt him in it; we will start drowning. I found tremendous encouragement and peace in that, and hopefully that may provide you and others with some as well - not even just in the relationship realm of conversation, but any area! I was born and raised in a church and come from a Christian family, but never truly felt any sense of belonging, and ended up drifting away and attending no church. I became born again saved in 2012, and shortly after felt the desire to attempt to attend that same church again, and was left feeling very disappointed and very alone, so I again left. I ended up moving cities (this was 9 years ago now) and did try going to one new church, and again, felt very disappointed, 0 connection to anybody, tbh, didn't sense the presence of the Lord in either churches at all - which was a major turn off for me. So I resorted to simply the Bible and conversation with my parents, up until quite recently where I was introduced to Transformation Church in Tusla, Oklahoma via youtube and IG... instantly it was home; however, living in Canada, I obviously am still missing actual connection of interaction, which is something that has grown stronger and stronger of a desire very recently; until now through these chats and forums with everyone - so thank you for being here to connect with!! (Also, thank you for putting up with my novels!!)

Haha 😆, I don’t mind reading your novels at all, your lucky I enjoy reading hehe 😝
And I just have to say one thing, I find it unbelievably incredible that you mentioned finding a church that you really enjoy that’s in Tulsa Oklahoma, because as I mentioned earlier in this thread, I have something big and important to me that I want to achieve and accomplish very soon in my life, something that I’ve talked to God about soooo many times and very recently was given my final confirmation of what I’m wanna do with my life, something that I’ve fought against many times before in the past and attempted to run away from it, unsuccessfully may I add. But anyways enough building the tension and just spit it out! Lol.
I applied to go to a Bible College in Broken Arrow Oklahoma, which is basically a part of Tulsa, to train and study to become a pastor. Something that I’m still actually terrified of, yet excited for at the same time, but I know I have the power, through God, to cast those spirits of fear away.
And thank you so much for that verse, it is definitely something for me to read, study and meditate on, as I’m sure many people would feel the same way. 😊

 

[Magenta]

Matthew 14:30 "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out,
"Lord, save me!" (31) "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

 

[BrotherMike]

Thank you for that brother! That’s some really true and sound advice. The last thing I wanna do is just settle, and end up with someone that’s just not right for me.

Yup, have patience and like Mel said delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. This will be in His timing, not ours when we surrender to Him. I totally get it though... nothing wrong with wanting to get married someday and have a family. The Bible says he who finds a wife, finds a good thing. Keep on working on yourself spiritually, mentally, and physically. The more we work on ourselves the better equip we will be for a future wife. Maybe God wants us to do some pruning first...

 

[Gregoryp]

56 and still unmarried, no kids, join the club

 

[SarahRachael]

Haha 😆, I don’t mind reading your novels at all, your lucky I enjoy reading hehe 😝
And I just have to say one thing, I find it unbelievably incredible that you mentioned finding a church that you really enjoy that’s in Tulsa Oklahoma, because as I mentioned earlier in this thread, I have something big and important to me that I want to achieve and accomplish very soon in my life, something that I’ve talked to God about soooo many times and very recently was given my final confirmation of what I’m wanna do with my life, something that I’ve fought against many times before in the past and attempted to run away from it, unsuccessfully may I add. But anyways enough building the tension and just spit it out! Lol.
I applied to go to a Bible College in Broken Arrow Oklahoma, which is basically a part of Tulsa, to train and study to become a pastor. Something that I’m still actually terrified of, yet excited for at the same time, but I know I have the power, through God, to cast those spirits of fear away.
And thank you so much for that verse, it is definitely something for me to read, study and meditate on, as I’m sure many people would feel the same way. 😊

🤓 LOL - I'm not sure everyone else would agree! (sorrynotsorry?!) Oh wow! No way! Ya, I stumbled on a posted sermon of Pastor Mike Todd a bit less than a year ago - he's something incredible - have you seen any of his sermons, etc? If not, you have to/should 😊 (being forcefully persuasive here!) check them out on YouTube! Super captivating, engaging, he has a term to describe himself and his church representation as being "HOT" - meaning a "Humble, Open, and Transparent church". He's the real deal! And he did not start out in this God-given role remotely, he is super open about it, which is one of the reasons I love him so much... he's human... he's just straight up real! His sermons really make you look at things and dissects the Bible in ways I've never seen before - you can tell without a shadow of a doubt it's God using and moving through him! Actually, he has an entire series on relationships - from singleness to marriage and beyond called "Relationship Goals" up on YouTube - (again, some strong persuasion here, lol!). Through TC recently, they had a guest Pastor preaching, Craig Groeschel - also amazing! This sermon hooked me to him. It hits home for everything this thread and what we've been discussing - if you need serious, serious comfort, support, strength, etc navigating with relationships... it's a must watch (attempts to attach link, which I have no idea if CC will allow me, but it's suppose to be below!):

I tune in live online on Sunday's and join the group chat through that, but it's not quite the same idea as CC here, altho I was actually looking initially for a group chat type thing exclusive from Transformation Church, but for now I was directed to here! I can only imagine how incredible it would be to actually be there and attend live! If you're not too far from the area, you possibly should attend a service some time? - I'll live vicariously through you! I definitely remember you mentioning about some exciting things happening, but didn't want to press! I'm so glad you chose to step out and say it - there's so much power in that - speaking out aloud, especially to others, prompts the call of God into action! It's stepping out in faith! (Pastor Mike Todd has a whole series on this also, called "Crazy Faith" wouldn't ya know... LOL! ...casually throwing more stuff out your way 😁)! I'm super curious you mentioning about receiving confirmations (and your final confirmation?!), also attempting to run from things prior?! But I won't press - especially being public here, but my curiosity is piqued, haha! It's something I can so relate from with my career also, actually! Making a big decision/change, didn't have a clue if it was actually God's will/plan/purpose for my life, the entire rollercoaster... but that's a really long story, and I think I've already gone on enough... again! Any time for Bible passages to look at - I can't take credit tho, (that's all Jesus!) 😆

 

[Bananalegs]

🤓 LOL - I'm not sure everyone else would agree! (sorrynotsorry?!) Oh wow! No way! Ya, I stumbled on a posted sermon of Pastor Mike Todd a bit less than a year ago - he's something incredible - have you seen any of his sermons, etc? If not, you have to/should 😊 (being forcefully persuasive here!) check them out on YouTube! Super captivating, engaging, he has a term to describe himself and his church representation as being "HOT" - meaning a "Humble, Open, and Transparent church". He's the real deal! And he did not start out in this God-given role remotely, he is super open about it, which is one of the reasons I love him so much... he's human... he's just straight up real! His sermons really make you look at things and dissects the Bible in ways I've never seen before - you can tell without a shadow of a doubt it's God using and moving through him! Actually, he has an entire series on relationships - from singleness to marriage and beyond called "Relationship Goals" up on YouTube - (again, some strong persuasion here, lol!). Through TC recently, they had a guest Pastor preaching, Craig Groeschel - also amazing! This sermon hooked me to him. It hits home for everything this thread and what we've been discussing - if you need serious, serious comfort, support, strength, etc navigating with relationships... it's a must watch (attempts to attach link, which I have no idea if CC will allow me, but it's suppose to be below!):

I tune in live online on Sunday's and join the group chat through that, but it's not quite the same idea as CC here, altho I was actually looking initially for a group chat type thing exclusive from Transformation Church, but for now I was directed to here! I can only imagine how incredible it would be to actually be there and attend live! If you're not too far from the area, you possibly should attend a service some time? - I'll live vicariously through you! I definitely remember you mentioning about some exciting things happening, but didn't want to press! I'm so glad you chose to step out and say it - there's so much power in that - speaking out aloud, especially to others, prompts the call of God into action! It's stepping out in faith! (Pastor Mike Todd has a whole series on this also, called "Crazy Faith" wouldn't ya know... LOL! ...casually throwing more stuff out your way 😁)! I'm super curious you mentioning about receiving confirmations (and your final confirmation?!), also attempting to run from things prior?! But I won't press - especially being public here, but my curiosity is piqued, haha! It's something I can so relate from with my career also, actually! Making a big decision/change, didn't have a clue if it was actually God's will/plan/purpose for my life, the entire rollercoaster... but that's a really long story, and I think I've already gone on enough... again! Any time for Bible passages to look at - I can't take credit tho, (that's all Jesus!) 😆

The link definitely went through, and it’s something that I’m looking forward to watching when I get home from work today. Also I would love to share my story/ testimony with you regarding my confirmations, I tried to message you but I’m having problems with trying to start a conversation. I paid for a one year membership to be able to do that but for some reason it’s still not working.

 

[SarahRachael]

The link definitely went through, and it’s something that I’m looking forward to watching when I get home from work today. Also I would love to share my story/ testimony with you regarding my confirmations, I tried to message you but I’m having problems with trying to start a conversation. I paid for a one year membership to be able to do that but for some reason it’s still not working.

Sure sure, haha, I attempted to msg you - I still have no idea how to really work this site!

 

[NotmebutHim]

I think often times we have to realize that the time of being single is for us to be able to get to the point He wants us to be. And that may well be at a certain level of spiritual maturity for said partner. I think one thing we forget, ad myself included, is to pray that I'M ready for whomever my future husbando is gonna be.

This is a good post, ArtsieSteph. I tend to forget this too whenever I get down on myself about being single.

I know that the grass really isn't greener on the other side, but it's often difficult to live that out. Note that I'm NOT saying that marriage is bad (it has to be good because God instituted it)

I think often times we have to realize that the time of being single is for us to be able to get to the point He wants us to be. And that may well be at a certain level of spiritual maturity for said partner. I think one thing we forget, ad myself included, is to pray that I'M ready for whomever my future husbando is gonna be.

I agree, ArtsieSteph.

 

[NotmebutHim]

I think often times we have to realize that the time of being single is for us to be able to get to the point He wants us to be. And that may well be at a certain level of spiritual maturity for said partner. I think one thing we forget, ad myself included, is to pray that I'M ready for whomever my future husbando is gonna be.

This is a good post, ArtsieSteph. I tend to forget this too whenever I get down on myself about being single.

I know that the grass really isn't greener on the other side, but it's often difficult to live that out. Note that I'm NOT saying that marriage is bad (it has to be good because God instituted it). Rather, it shouldn't be my ultimate goal.

Marriage is a tremendous responsibility and I may not be ready for it yet.

Kind of a related thing, but I don't like the fact that there's this prevailing belief that if a man is unmarried (and he's in the age group where most people get married), that he's necessarily weak and immature. Granted a man COULD be single BECAUSE he's immature, but you can't automatically assume that. Oh, another trite way to describe it is "failure to launch". It's kind of a shame that the measurement of a man's strength and maturity is whether he's married or not.

Sorry for the tangent, but I believe a huge reason for the angst a lot of men feel about being single is they're told, either directly or indirectly, that they're not "real men" or "weak" if they're not married.

NMBH

 

[I_am_Canadian]

Hey there everyone, I hope this doesn’t come off sounding depressing, but I’m 31 and still single and have been wondering if there’s something wrong with that? I mean I know I’m not a bad guy at all, yeah I’ve made mistakes in the past, but we all have, no one is perfect. I have a lot of friends that are younger than me and they are either married or getting married and I’m all like, “did I do something wrong to be where I’m at?” I know that God does have someone for us all and that He intends for us to be happy and be in a living and caring relationship that will lead to the ultimate union in marriage, but I often contemplate that what if some of us aren’t meant for that? I hope not because I really would love to get married someday to a beautiful and loving wife and have an awesome family, I just sometimes have my doubts if I’m meant for that. Would love to hear all your opinions and expertise on the matter! I’m honestly probably just over thinking it and should just be patient that God will give me the perfect wife in due time, on His time not mine.

If it makes you feel any better I am 35 and single. I ask my self the same question all the time.

 

[JenL1976]

43 years old. Divorced for 10 years after being married for 10. I'm not sure which one is worse.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

43 years old. Divorced for 10 years after being married for 10. I'm not sure which one is worse.

Being Divorced is worse, at least I would think so based on my experience of being single all my life.

 

[JenL1976]

Being Divorced is worse, at least I would think so based on my experience of being single all my life.

Probably depends on who you were married to.

 

[I_am_Canadian]

Probably depends on who you were married to.

Probably, but I have never been Married, I actually started looking for a wife when I was 13 years old though..... It's funny, I can get a woman to love me, but I can't get one to marry me.

 

[OpenTheClouds]

I am almost 30. Never married. I feel the same as I_am_canadian. I dreamed of it and searched for it young. I have had people love me but not want to marry. I'll admit I beat myself up emotionally thinking it was me but, I have faith that if it's in God's path for me, it'll happen.