and trust me I am not exactly a good person either, I may have the right heart but I have done things that no Christian would ever do and honestly if I was a copy of me and didnt know I was and I saw and I heard of the things I did I would say he is no Christian. You all know my heart because I always speak it on here but in the outside world no one can know my heart because they would attack it and reject it. In the world outside the forums I have no one whom I can reveal what is truly in my heart and so they see the blain that is sort of going through the motions.
Many of us are messed up some way or another. If I actually shared as to how I truly am let alone if anyone actually saw me in person, I'm pretty sure many of you would either look at me like I'm whacked out or think I'm snobbish since I tend to rub off that way sometimes.
The difference is that you know your shortcomings and forgive those who done the unimaginable of what suffering nobody would ever think that one goes through, let alone shouldn't have gone through. To top that off, you even want what's best for your abusers and so many who barely go through half of what you have wouldn't do the same. This adds me on that list and reading your posts convicts me in ways that I never even realized how wicked I truly am.
I will also add in that it's better to appear twisted and yet deep down have genuinely good intentions than to seem saint-like and deep down have wicked intentions. This has been the case for a good portion of my life and to this day I likely still am this way. Another words, I've lived as to what the gentiles were like and yet I would point out other people's faults. There's a price to pay for this as well if not for it to be paid in this life. So what we first see about others can be deceiving and that's why it's said to not boast when we do good. Look at who society ends up looking up to and spits on those who they look down on.
I hope your family does end up seeing who they really have in their life because they are lucky. Even if you can't do any physical things you wish you could, you still can have your own ways to testify to those who need to see your example and then take a look at themselves. It says a lot more than those who flaunt their good deeds while living in better quality of a life. Thank you and keep sharing your story.