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Don't throw pearls.

Happy wife happy life so they say.

Many years ago my wife was looking in the mirror and she asked me "Does this dress make my bum look big" Without thinking I said "No it's all the cake and chocolate you eat" I soon saw the error of my ways. One week after my left blacked eye I could see out off it and a few days later my...

Don't know I've never been I the kitchen

Incoming

And use the washing machine and iron

My cell-phone accidentally took a 10-minute video of my shoes yesterday. It was some pretty good footage.

Tonight, I grilled a chicken for two hours. It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road...

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places – he told me to stop going to those places.

How does a train hear another train coming? With its engineers.