Since i was a teen 20 years ago, but didn't get to know Him before beginning of this year
The reason I asked is because when true salvation takes place and the life of Christ is truly imparted to an individual, they are awakened to a spiritual reality that was before unexperienced. This seems to have happened for you recently. Welcome to the site and to the family of God.
A lesson I wish someone had shared with me early in my Christian experience is that the kingdom of men and the kingdom of God are very different. And what makes someone successful in the kingdom of men will make one very unsuccessful in the kingdom of God.
For instance, in the kingdom of men, everyone looks out for number 1. In the kingdom of God, we are to put the needs and wants of others before ourselves. In the kingdom of men, the accumulation of earthly goods is seen as desirable. In the kingdom of God, it is better to give than receive. In the kingdom of men we are taught self-reliance. In the kingdom of God we are taught to live by the power of God.
My guess is that you have yet to learn to live in the kingdom you are now a part of, and are continuing to live in your own strength and according to worldly practices. If so, read about Moses as he tried initially to lead God's people. Then read about what kind of man he had become 40 years later after spending all those years in the desert. God always intended Moses to lead His people out of Egypt. He just needed some time to make Moses the kind of man God can use to lead.
My guess is also that God is doing the same with you. Try to find a church with a good teaching pastor and spend time reading your Bible and praying. You will be much encouraged in the Lord.