Dad jokes

if your dad is dull, dreary & dismal, call him "dud"!

Exodus 20:12 (KJV) Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Dad joke:

There are special names for people who use the rythm method of birth control....

mommy, daddy


Actually that was my college biology teacher's joke, but I'm pretty sure he was a dad.

So there's at least one context in which mathematics is more fruitful than physics or chemistry.

They say great minds think alike.

Here's one I heard in the bathroom,

Great bladders tinkle like.

brilliant!

I've heard that the Big Bang theory was proposed by a Catholic priest (Georges Lemaître). But it's hardly surprising that they didn't tie the knot. Neither scientific theories nor Catholic priests can marry.

There was some kind of a religious conference going on nearby, so I went to check it out. I was confused when I saw that everyone there had a camper van. But then I realized what was going on.
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They were roamin' Catholics.

In hindsight, my colonoscopy was unnecessary.

Some churches with a strong liturgical tradition welcome donations in dollars and incense.

Why is Satan so worried when he looks at his planted herbs?
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He knows that the harvest is coming soon, and his thyme is short.

God is always right on thyme.

dad jokes are how eye roll

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

Which days are the strongest?
Saturday and Sunday...
The rest are weekdays.

If our ancestors knew that Mormons are getting baptized on their behalf, would they turn in their graves?

All the other protestant reformers use a doorbell but John Knox.

For a few years, a python had received a monthly salary from the zoo for being the biggest attraction of the reptile house. But then he became an independent constrictor.

Repeating these, because they were short and simple for a little chuckle.

What do you call a paper airplane that can’t fly?

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

What building in your town has the most stories?

What was the spider doing on the computer?

I don't know.

My dad was pulled over by cop back in 1990s. He passed away in 2011. Any how, cop starts talking his ears off. After 5 minutes of motor mouth. My dad asks cop, Why did you pull me over ??!!

Cop says, I was bored and needed somome to chit chat with. My Dad replied, You have to be kidding me !!.

In 1997. I was with friend at amusement park. When we came out to the car, one tire was flat. So I got trunk open, and got spare tire. I had to use tire iron to rip off hub cap and change tire.

When I got home. I explained to my Dad what happened
My dad started yelling at me. That the key for hub cap was in the car. He was yelling, No, No, you didn't use tire iron to rip off hub cap.

Tell me you didn't. !!!

Peace.

Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they're stuck at "c".