Years ago I met a man who told me he was an ordained Baptist minister, both he and his wife. That is, however, as I stated above, he was, until he died three times.
He died for 15 minutes two times, and an hour and 15 minutes or an hour and a half the other time.
He stopped believing in God after that because, he only saw blackness, he said.
He went on to tell me, with all certainty and backed by his experience, that I really didn't know if there was a god.
I wasn't moved by this man's testimony, or possible experience, because I really did know and still do to this day, that God is real, alive, and does answer prayers.
You're being like this man, who believed what he experienced over what is written in the Bible. And this guy was very knowledgeable of what was written.
Are you familiar with the parable of the sower sowing seeds?
KJV+ King James Version
Luk 8:5-13: "A sower went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the way side; and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it. And some fell upon a rock; and as soon as it was sprung up, it withered away, because it lacked moisture. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprang up with it, and choked it. And other fell on good ground, and sprang up, and bare fruit a hundredfold. And when he had said these things, he cried, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear. And his disciples asked him, saying, What might this parable be? And he said, Unto you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God: but to others in parables; that seeing they might not see, and hearing they might not understand. Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God. Those by the way side are they that hear; then cometh the devil, and taketh away the word out of their hearts, lest they should believe and be saved. They on the rock are they, which, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root (in their heart), which for a while believe, and in time of temptation fell away.
That describes you. It also shows, the devil is no pushover, and the reason why the child of God has to fight the good fight of faith through spiritual warfare.
One of your many issues concerning your believing or or lack thereof, is the fact that the word of God did not take root in your heart. And the reason for that is because you are looking at everything in the natural world, rather than focusing on the promises of God.
And I hate to be the one to break this to you, but one of the main reasons why you're not getting anywhere is because you have zero faith. And so I ask, how do you expect to get anywhere with God with no faith in him to do what he said he would do in his word?
Like most here on CC, you have no clue what faith is or how it works. And if you don't know how Faith works, then you don't know how the kingdom of God works.
You can turn all of that around if you want, but it will take some serious work and effort on your part.
One more thing.
One does not go to the simple to receive wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, or to the sick to get healed, or to the possessed to get delivered, or to the poor on how to get wealth, nor to the doubter to get Faith, nor to the hateful to get love, nor to the negative whiners to get encouragement or to be lifted up, and so on. You get the point.
You are quick to judge and I don't think you read my full post. I believed as a child before I knew what "religion" was. Then I sought out the word and I believed. Then I sought out fellowship and community and church and community worship and I believed.
I believed until I came to realise that my most critical, most important prayers went unanswered for years. So I assumed the problem was not God, but was me. I posted on this forum asking how can I know if I was saved? I thought I was saved but I must have been wrong.
I believed, asked forgiveness, offered myself to Jesus, etc, but nothing changed. So I assumed I was just not invited to the party. I must not be in the book of life and there's nothing I can do about it. Except that contradicts my understanding of scripture.
So I thought perhaps my understanding of prayer was the issue. This seemed logical. Not all scripture is addressing the same audience and perhaps if I go back and take a new look I will realize where I got it wrong.
Unfortunately, many things I read contradicted my experience. Ask in the name of Jesus and believe and your prayers would be answered.
I read many articles on why God may not be answering prayers. I was careful to express a problem but ask that the problem be solved acording to God's will. No change.
I asked for understand regarding my prayers. No change.
I asked to be led to understanding of this problem. No change.
I used to talk to God a lot. Every single day. In the dark, eyes closed. Kneeling in prayer. In the car, etc. I felt close to God like He was there and I could tell Him anything.
Now I feel like it was wishful thinking. Nobody is there. Nobody is listening. I didn't come to this place easily, or quickly, and I hate it. I want to believe. I want it to be true. But I cannot get past the fact that my prayers are not heard or addressed in direct contradiction to what is promised in scripture. This has me at a point of crisis where everything I believed has been called into question.
Why would God lead me here?
I still believe in a creator. Anyone who claims there is no creator when we are surrounded on all sides by engineering that can only be accomished by a profoundly intelligent mind with the capability to implement and execute on that engineering is in denial of the obvious.
Understanding anything about that creator is the challange.
The Judeo-Christian religion is the only religion that rises to the level of being able to provide real answers to the big questions.
But is it just the greatest collection of fiction ever compiled, or is it the inerrant word of God?
The failure of prayer calls into question the bibles inerrancy. It cannot be true and not live up to its promises at the same time.
Hence my faith roadblock. I love so many of the wonderful responses by so many people here. People who understand the struggle and care and offer advice based on their own struggles.
God doesn't owe me anything. He could wipe me out anytime He wants. He can cast me into in a lake of fire, or smash me like a clay pot. What am I to Him? He is eternal and all powerful while I am animated dirt.
But if the Bible is truly His inerrant word then He would adhere to His own promises. If it is humans putting words into His mouth He has no obligation to live up to those promises.
According to my understanding of scripture, it is promises unfulfilled. An all powerful God should not need people to make excuses for why He doesn't live up to promises made in His name over 2 thousand years ago. If they were His words, they would be 100% without error and as real and reliable as the morning and the night.
But that has not been my experience.
I used to pray that I wanted my life to be a testimony of gratitude to Him. I believed that would be the one thing that I could give to God that could possibly have some small value to Him.
Now that has been destroyed. Do you know how disturbing that is?
This isn't faithlessness, or pompousness, or a rotten attitude. I am not here as an atheist trying to mock people for their belief. It is an existential crisis.
I came seeking answers to questions that may be unanswerable but I am listening. I am reading every post with an open mind and looking for alternatives to the path I regrettably find myself on.
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