How Often Does a Woman Expect a Man with a "Good Salary" to Actually Be Home?

Writing books isnt that fun I think writing on forums is funner lol

At least you dont need to deal with the literati of publishing. Christian books can be so bland because the same sorts of people write them...pastors and pastors wives. If church is two minutes from your door then of course everything is going to revolve around it but thats not true of every other church member who has to deal with the real life working world economy and not paid by church to be there.

Missionary books are probably the worst, only a very few are about Jesus or a testimony the rest seem to be travelogues of the kind what I did in my holidays type adventures and arent the natives so backwards. Look what third world things I had to put up with type that just make me cringe.

Sometimes I just don't have the energy or concentration to read them all, but if ever I have given
you a gold ribbon on any of your posts, be assured that I definitely did read the whole thing.

The thing I find interesting about these types of discussions (I did see the post that spurred
this OP), is that it is one person's preference that she have a partner who makes more than
she does, and another may prefer a partner who does not see their salary as a make-or-break
stipulation. It reminds me of someone who claimed potential partners were shallow because
they wanted someone physically capable (not in a wheel chair). That truly struck me as odd.
Wanting a partner you can do things with, share activities together, and have things in common
is now seen as being shallow because of the bitterness one has experienced as a result of how
their limitations have impacted all areas of their life. On the other hand, I have been listening
to a program which has Joni Eareckson Tada as a guest this week, and I think, wow, how amazingly
she has allowed God to use her despite her infirmities, being totally incapable of looking after
herself from the age of seventeen. She married in 1982, so she was already chair-bound by then,
and has authored many books, released multiple LPs, and had many degrees, and awards heaped
upon her. Oy, I know this does not really fit the parameters of your OP here, but I do see a correlation.

PS~ I cannot blame TikTok .

Joni's pretty cool. Knowing her backstory makes her song "When Pretty Things Get Broken" mean a lot more.

The last thing I want to do is point out your mole in a way that brings anything but laughter. If it helps, I used an indelible ink marker to have one for myself. Now we're mole buddies.
PS...please don't remove your mole because mine is permanent.

For future reference, my can be assumed.

I wanna reply to the OP, but I’m currently typing via phone, and I’m gonna need all the keyboard to type fast enough 😂

Having more time to consider my post, I wanted to make a formal apology. We have chatted some in the past and I took a liberty that you had not extended. So I do sincerely ask you forgiveness.
I actually think very highly of you. I also recognize that the things we learn are only fully satisfied to us as we are able to share them with others. I have lots of kids, so I always have someone to share with. I didn't consider that this isn't true for everyone.

It's kind of a win win...he makes a lot of money and he spends less time at home!

Oh you went there didn't you???

Lol !!!

Win-win is different-different for people-people.

I was kind of thinking the same thing, I get to keep most of the benefits of being single but have some guy who's working himself to death so I can have more money to spend on us until he dies and leaves it all to me. Sign me up, I'd even be happy to cook the food, and wash the clothes in exchange. I mean the only way this gets even better is if he loves to play board games in the little time he's not spending working or sleeping.

Wait I think someone already got a deal like that....... my dog. I shoulda been a dog with a nice loving family to take care of me.

I was thinking about those Japanese salary men and their house I mean apartment wives.
Japanese men spent most of their time at work and are way too tired to come home so during the week they might sleep in those pod capsule things so they dont have too far to go to work. To get promotion they must cosy up to the boss which involves lots of drinking after work.

I think if you lucky you might get to spend one day a week with your husband if you marry a salaryman. Meanwhile you are cluttering up your house I mean apartment every week you spend his salary on more things so you need to do a sparking joy clear out so he can actually set foot inside.

If you have children you be doing all the work at home but you might actually want some free time to yourself so when they old enough you buy them some video games to keep them occupied while you go online shopping. Sometimes taking the children especially if theres more than two of them out of the apartment is too hard.

If its a richer salaryman you afford a maid, but the maid cant be trusted to clean your place all the time without stealing anything, plus they have to leave behind their own families and houses to clean yours. The maid is there so you dont have dishpan hands, so when shes in your house/apartment you can go out and have a manicure. Then your husband can show you off at his company functions to say look what my salary has bought me. A wife who doesnt need to work.

Meanwhile the children are safely hooked up to videogames and are oblivious to the world outside their screens.

Karoshi - death from overwork

Start scratching the door when you want outside and see what happens.

Hello Lady Magenta ,

I sure hope I don't sound like people absolutely, positively, MUST read my threads in full. I most DEFINITELY understand time and energy limits, which I fall prey to as well (it's why I take long breaks from posting.) And I have most certainly have skimmed long posts and answered with reading every last word and punctuation.

It doesn't bother me at all when people just skim my threads and answer (heck, if they only read the title and not the full OP, sometimes it can be downright entertaining!) But the times that it does bother me is when people fire criticisms they're serious about without reading the whole thing or want to tell me how to write threads when I haven't seen a single thread of their own land on the forum (or they use a completely different style.)

In other words... Everyone hates a backseat driver, especially if they've never driven -- one of my weaknesses is that I'm the same way with threads!

You have always shown me nothing but grace and kindness on the forums, even when we might have disagreed, and I am immensely thankful for that. Thank you for every ounce of energy you put into my silly little musings. It's things like your support, feedback, and friendship (as I see you as a CC mentor,) that keep me going.

The observations you made in this post are very thought-provoking. It seems nowadays, whether one is a Christian or not, if someone rejects you for any reason, it's because they are being shallow. Of course, we all know that some standards are necessary, but it makes for an interesting (and somewhat disturbing) dynamic.

This might just me, but I think it's part of Christians falling prey to a modern cultural message that preaches, "You are a beautiful, sparkling snowflake just the way you are, and you have a right to be a an equal candidate in every and any situation. Anyone who rejects you is shallow and bigoted and it's their loss because they are missing out on the splenderiffic unicorn that is you!"

I'm thinking of the times when I've heard guys, or even people in general, say something like, "I'm not into Asian girls." Culture has taught me that my knee-jerk reaction is to shout, "RACIST!!!", but in my heart, I have to talk to God about the fact that maybe some people weren't built to be attracted to Asians. I'm not saying this is absolute in any way, it's just something I have to consider.

I know rejection hurts all of us, but it makes me wonder about how much of it God wants us to accept and shake off, and how much of it He wants to use to make us honestly face what we must work on changing in ourselves.

Thank you also for bringing up Joni Eareckson Tada -- I have been meaning to read her books for a long time.

Thank you, Magenta, for all the wisdom, color, and whimsy you bring to this forum!

Hi Cameron,

I want to thank you so much for your sincere apology, though on my part, I apologize for taking your post so seriously. I was fairly certain you were joking but... you know, I guess I've grown too sensitive about my very noticeable "mole". However, since it's been determined that we now have matching moles, everything is going to be just groovy!

Thank you also for recognizing that many of us don't have someone to share with on a regular basis. One of the hardest things for me when my husband left was coming home, throwing my keys on the counter, and hearing the empty echo throughout the house. It seemed to scream, "You are a failure, he found someone better than you and he has someone, unlike you, you pathetic loser!" every. single. day. Every now and then, that echo still tries to tell me the same thing.

For many years, I was blessed to have weekends off, but I would come home every Friday night and talk to God about how, if I died on Friday evening (whether by natural, unnatural, or accelerated causes,) no one would come looking for me until Tuesday. Saturday and Sunday, there would be no reason for anyone to notice. I was part of a church but my absence would be a mere blink, as the volunteer work I did was mostly behind the scenes. If I missed work on Monday, people would wonder because even though I always showed up, they would most likely let it pass. It most likely would have taken until around Tuesday until someone would start to really wonder what was up, and that would only be because of work.

Many of us are living this way. Many of us don't hear a human voice unless it's some sort of media programming or a service worker at the grocery store. Many of us go though a day, or days, without speaking a single word out loud. I have fit into this category many times, and maybe that's why I come here and write (people here who've met me in person have often commented that, to their surprise, I don't say much in real life unless I get on a tangent.)

It takes a very big toll on one's mental health, and for many of us, this forum might be the difference that keeps us from slipping into the danger zone.

I also understand, and apologize to you for being somewhat hypocritical when it comes to joking with someone online. One of the other criticisms I've heard often is that I'm a clique leader who only includes certain people. Your post was a prime example as to why people think this. When I joke with people here, it's either ones I truly know (and know what I can get away with! ) or else I'm testing the waters with someone new who seems open to it.

Often, I've failed spectacularly, managing to offend a newcomer but not meaning to, and so it makes me very cautious about trying to joke with anyone else outside the familiar.

I failed to respond to your attempt as properly and considerately as I should have, and I am truly sorry for that.

I don't see people here in the forums apologizing very often, but I've seen you apologize to many people here, and have the utmost respect for you because of it. It's probably the rarest quality I ever see in the forums. Thank you for being here! I enjoy seeing your posts and am glad you don't find it belittling or somehow below your status to hang out with us singles.

In Asian culture, adoptees like me are seen as "not being fully human," and are therefore treated as lesser beings, useful only for service or exploitation. In the Christian world, singles are often seen as and treated the same way. Yet most of the singles I know are taking care of the elderly, disabled, and vulnerable in their families, so I know God has just as many purposes for us as anyone else.

Over the years, we've had members like @tourist and @melita916 who came here in a single state like us, participating regularly in our talks about single life. Now that God has blessed them with spouses, they've shown us the kindness of staying with us, but still talking as peers and not as Christians who are somehow on a Higher Level than we are.

Thank you for being another married friend who shares your wisdom, experiences, and awesome sense of humor without patronizing or looking down at us.

We are thankful that you choose to spend time with us, and glad to have you here!

Joni Earackson Tada's husband is Korean American
Jonis seems to me to be European American although what ethnicity of Europe I dont know. You supposed to tell things from last names I would assume its the Earacks people.

The movie made of her life is interesting. It is based on her story, which is her testimony. It seems she was raised Episcopalian and she had many suitors up till the time of her paralysing accident. She seemed very well off to me she was out riding horses everyday just for recreation not like it was because she actually needed to.

The interesting thing is many well meaning charismatic christians would come round telling her she would be healed of her paralysis but this did not happen. God didnt choose that particular miracle for her. She didnt have to worry about medical care costs though and it seems God used her to reach out to other disabled people. Sometimes I think its because certain people are already so priveliged and wealthy that they can handle a few losses if it actually brings that person closer to God. Like Job.

In her later books (she wrote many...she also drew and painted with her mouth) she writes about meeting her husband and asking God for someone, even though she knew what a burden he might be taking on. She already had a full time female carer who changed her colostomy bags etc.

Lanolin, you have some good points. As a workaholic...not recovering. I can honestly say that every night I lay in bed thinking that I could have and should have worked harder that day and what I could have done different. Just being on this forum and typing this right now is taking time away from finishing the updated Flat Rate pricing schedule that I am working on. And I feel anxious about it.

Has anyone here read the book by Mrs. Norman Vincent Peale "The Adventure of Being a Wife"?

Very eye opening. She talks about how a wife can make or break her husband. How she is the force that can make him 10 times more successful, productive, and wealthy than he ever could have been alone.

I agree. I am going to give a personal example and I don't want you all to think I am sniveling but this is just facts from my life.

1. I get up at 0500 most every day and try leave the house by 0600
2. I get home around 2000 so I can spend an hour with the kids. They are all teenagers now so getting them to talk is like pulling teeth.
3. I never get hugs or kisses from my wife
4. I rarely get encouragement.
5. I have to pay my wife to make lunches for me.
6. Breakfast is rarely made for me.
7. I try to start a conversation with her and am usually ignored.
8. Kind words only come when she wants something.
9. Etc.

Now I know this is filled with I statements and is only one side of the story. But in our society today most everyone views relationship as a tax return. Married filing separately. What would happen if the wife supported her husband, encouraged, cared for, made a home that he wanted to come home to...nay was eager and couldn't wait to get home to. What if women started being a "Helpmate" again?

I know for me. I would be able to get at the minimum 10% more done. If not way more. My attitude would be better. Etc.

I'll end with this. My business did 300k last year if I could increase that by 10% that's an extra 30k. What could a woman do to increase her man's productivity by 10%?

Seoul do you have brothers and sisters in your family and are they adopted as well or are you the only child? Just wondering.
I have a christian friend whos parents adopted her, they very active in youth for christ ministry but it was within the family adoption not a cross cultural country adoption.
Maori and pacific peoples usually have a whangai adoption which is kind of like fostering to relatives or extended families. Not to people they dont even know.

But even in that adoption she said her parents failed to protect her because some relatives seeiing she was adopted thought they could abuse her or were into grooming her. This is something that happens when children are young vulnerable and they dont have power to say NO.

Rejection from an early age is hard to deal with. I can sort of understand why some people feel they have to choose abortions because the trauma of being an unwanted child is HUGE. But its usually richer people who can say that as was case in Roe vs Wade the original case Jane Roe was kind of used as a pawn for liberal rich lawyers as an excuse to get on with their high powered careers. Most non wealthy people have to deal with their own mistakes cant just buy them out or get bailed out like rich people can just use money to smooth their problems or even make them go away.

I think some women dont care about the extra 30k and your wife probably wants more of YOU rather and forgo the 30k for your business, Unless you actually make her partner to your business. If she doesnt work WITH you then she has no idea what you do so how can she actually encourage you not knowing whats involved since she hardly sees you and you spend your nights thinking of work and money than maybe hugging and kissing her.

Just from my perspective. She needs a stake in the business as a wife too shes had your children so are you thinking of handing the business to them when they older? Or is it just a means to an end. I dont know what you do whether its a family business or enterprise. Just something to consider. If you just an employee and dont really have any stake in the business ...then profits dont really matter. This is where I think some businesses go wrong, as the perks are not enough for employees to stay loyal as its not really THEIR business. if work is both your passion then thats a bit different.