Hey Everyone,
With an interesting conversation going on in another thread about women who want men to earn certain salaries (which is a common topic in singles communities,) I've always wondered why the other side of the coin is never discussed. I never hear people talking about what it takes to have a "good salary," and what the true price can really be.
Think for a minute of what you personally feel a "good salary" range is. This will obviously be different for different people -- the older single person who no longer has kids at home might be thinking of a very different number than a young single who wants a family with a stay-at-home-wife and two kids.
Now think of how many hours a week you would expect someone to have to put in in order to make this "good salary"? For example, how many people do you know who make, let's say, $60,000 a year -- and only put in a straight 40 hours per week? How many people get to clock out right at that 40-hour mark and not look back, without even an ounce of work-related issues following them home?
I'm asking because I don't know if it's just me, but I've always been concerned that many people don't seem to know the true cost of a "good living." I saw my own version of it in my own family.
I've often told the story of how my dad started out as a bagger at a local grocery store at age 15. I'm smiling to myself now, because I'm sure 99.9% of today's Christian women would have never given my Dad a second look. My parents married at ages 18 and 21, with their assets being a $6000 trailer to live in and 2 used cars.
My Dad dropped out of his first year of college because they kept promoting him at work. If you were to ask him, he'd just say all he did was stick around and do all the things no one else wanted to do. When they were finally able to move into a house, I asked Mom if she ever guessed that would happen. And she said, "Are you kidding, I thought we'd be in that trailer for the rest of our lives!" But the thing was, she hadn't cared, and married my Dad nonetheless.
After many years, he had what most would see as a successful career that allowed for my Mom to stay home with us kids.
But it all came at a price. As a kid, I'd hear my Mom ask my Dad what time he needed to be up, and it was usually 3 or 4 AM. If he said 5 AM, we knew he was "sleeping in." He worked all day until suppertime (around 6 PM,) then would sometimes have to go back to work. And this was Monday through Saturday, with his only time off being when he went to church with us on Sunday. He would come home, eat lunch with us, be home and hour or two, and then it was back to work.
Back then, single motherhood was uncommon (especially in my small conservative town,) but Mom took care of everything at home, including mowing the lawn, trimming the hedges and doing a lot of things that might be considered "men's work." My Dad helped whenever he could but obviously, she had most of the responsibilities at home. In some ways, she was a single mom at home, because she took care of everything. But if you asked her, she would just say this is what a Christian wife does -- she supports her husband in his work and takes care of everything he can't get to, even if they barely had any time together.
I've often been surrounded by hard-working people who are trying to get ahead and earn " a good salary." But no one talks about what happens to people, or how they break down along the way. For instance:
* The kids who resent their father for never being home.
I had a friend who hated that his father was always at work and said he'd never do that to his kids; until he grew up, got a corporate job himself, and his wife had to stop him and say, "You are missing everything about our child growing up, and we'll never get that time back."
* The couples who never see each other because he's salaried and works 90 hours a week.
* The couples who work opposite hours - sometimes due to company mandates, and sometimes because it's their only choice (one parent works days and watches the kids at night; the other works nights and is there during the day.)
* The people who fall into drugs just trying to "keep up."
When I was growing up, people who took drugs were seen as lazy and just inherently bad people; these days, I've known a lot of people who were on drugs (whether from a doctor or the streets or both,) simply because they desperate to keep up with the ever-growing demands of their careers and home lives.
I once had a manager with a very physically demanding position (and he was only 30.) He started out with prescription pain killers to ease his constant back pain, then moved on to (a street drug) because it was less expensive -- and has been trying to get off it ever since.
Not long ago, I was listening to the story of young man with a promising career at a great company -- and on business trips, he said his co-workers are (doing illegal drugs) right off the table in the hotel room. Part of it is recreation; but a bigger part of it is just to keep up with the "hustle culture."
Apparently, when you hit the "big leagues", a couple of Red Bull energy drinks or 5 trips to Starbucks just doesn't cut it anymore.
And in the case of couples, if they are spending almost all their time apart, it's not hard to see why so many people (Christians included) are becoming attached to others in close proximity (a co-worker, online "friend", or "confidante" at church.)
I'm a Christian woman myself but am grateful for what I saw growing up. I always said I'd never marry a doctor or lawyer because I knew I'd never see him! I'd like to have a husband who could actually spend some time at home, if possible.
* However, I often wonder if many people don't realize that if they get what they think they want, they might be headed into situations in which they need to know how to live almost completely independent and in constant resistance to temptations -- even, or maybe especially, if they get married.
* Has anyone else noticed this?
* What experiences have you had in working at or watching people obtain "good salaries"?
