Daniel - Slowly being born again since turning 40 in 2019

I am keeping an open mind

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Just so you know, being born again is instant. We are "saved", better thought of as "delivered", progressively.

There are simple principles when it comes to confessing sin. It is always to God primarily. If the sin does not involve another, there is no need to confess publicly. If you have sinned against an individual and they know, it is good to confess to them. If it is possible, make restitution. If you broke something of theirs, fix or replace, for example.

Once you are born again, your past is erased. When God forgives, He forgets. Again, if it is possible, try to reconcile with people you have offended. I know a woman who stole from her employer before she was saved. She went back and confessed after she was saved. The ex boss was amazed and told her that he could report her to the police. She repaid the money. Her conscience was clear, she witnessed to the boss and he took no further action.

Repenting is fundamentally a change of mind. So what was acceptable becomes unacceptable. God is the one who changes the heart attitude.

You do not have to keep asking for forgiveness. God heard you the first time. Thank Him for the precious blood of Jesus, shed for the full payment of all your sins. Even those you have yet to commit are paid for.

It's a most wonderful new life that we enter into. As we spend time with Lord Jesus, learning His ways and studying His word, we will make progress. It will be hard at times. We must learn to stand only on God's word, taking His promises as applying to us personally and not allowing circumstances to dictate to us. You will need to let down your guard a little and have fellowship with other believers. They will let you down. They are just as fallible as you are. However, God places us in the body for a reason. Some call it "sandpaper ministry". If you find a church that preaches Christ, you are likely in the right place.

FYI I was a total introvert when I was saved. Now I am free of those restrictions of personality. I can be on my own or in a crowd, it does not matter. God will bring you to that place too.

"being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Your words really connected with me and I appreciate it. I started off believing that I am saved by God's Grace alone, but the more I read scripture, and delve into some "Calvinist" writings, I get anxiety about whether I am not doing enough, or if I even have a chance at salvation. Certain passages tend to dishearten me..."I'd rather cold or hot, if you are warm I will spit you out", "You must be dead to the world" etc. I worry that my only chance at salvation requires me to sell all my possessions, or suffer martyrdom. I don't even know whether I am truly baptized, since it was done in a Catholic church. I don't have the courage or fortitude to be a David Brainard or Bunyan, and would I be able to accept being burned at the stake for my faith? Maybe it's because I'm new to this, or maybe I'm a perfectionist, but I am prone to anxiety and these thoughts don't help. The requirements of being "faithful" have given me doubt in the past and shook me off the right path. Being a bit older I now know to have a short memory and keep chopping away after failure. I guess I'll aim to be a saint and gain holiness, but try to stay optimistic when I fall short.

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

A lesson I am still trying to learn is that in God's eyes you are perfect you don't have to try to be anything more than you to him you are more than good enough and he boasts of you daily and only wants you to simply accept his love for you because to him your more important and more dear to his heart than his own throne.

Trust me I know this is a hard truth to swallow I myself am still trying to swallow it but it is the truth. I am going to tell you the first and best advice I ever got from him seek love first and then everything else will be given to you. This is the key to growing as a believer his love is deep and warm it fills you to the brim and refreshes your soul, more than anything else he desires an intimate and close relationship with his children he doesn't want you perfect he wants you as you are not what you will be or could be just as you are.
Chase after his heart seek to know him seek to have a close and deep love with him because this is a love story and he is chasing after our hearts. When you know that hunger and you know that thirst, when you crave to have just a little more of him and you long to be in his arms and him in yours that is when a fire will burn inside you a passion that only increases over time and that is when your faith will grow at a rate that you can't imagine.

Just reading this now, almost two years from my original post. You are right on! Love is everything. "Seek Ye First" is one of my top 3 favorite hymns. I regularly pray to be able to "love" more. Everything else is taken care of with love. At first, I was doing "loving things" out of duty, but without the feeling. Nowadays I am starting to be driven by love, which is part of an example of Christ I am looking to show to others. Life gets better and more fulfilling everyday. Thank you so much for the very true and prophetic advice!

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Would I lie to hide my past sins?

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!