Daniel - Slowly being born again since turning 40 in 2019

[DannyBigWords]

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

 

[Oblio]

Hey, Daniel...welcome to Christian Chat! It's good to see that you're taking your walk with the Lord seriously! He takes it seriously, too.
It is my understanding that repentance is a process, one which you seem to have a good grasp on. He did it once-for-all...now it's a matter of walking it out. It's a journey...it's a process...done a day at a time! Shalom!

 

[oyster67]

I am keeping an open mind

Good for you, brother Daniel! You are good to go, but we all have room to grow.

 

[Gideon300]

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Just so you know, being born again is instant. We are "saved", better thought of as "delivered", progressively.

There are simple principles when it comes to confessing sin. It is always to God primarily. If the sin does not involve another, there is no need to confess publicly. If you have sinned against an individual and they know, it is good to confess to them. If it is possible, make restitution. If you broke something of theirs, fix or replace, for example.

Once you are born again, your past is erased. When God forgives, He forgets. Again, if it is possible, try to reconcile with people you have offended. I know a woman who stole from her employer before she was saved. She went back and confessed after she was saved. The ex boss was amazed and told her that he could report her to the police. She repaid the money. Her conscience was clear, she witnessed to the boss and he took no further action.

Repenting is fundamentally a change of mind. So what was acceptable becomes unacceptable. God is the one who changes the heart attitude.

You do not have to keep asking for forgiveness. God heard you the first time. Thank Him for the precious blood of Jesus, shed for the full payment of all your sins. Even those you have yet to commit are paid for.

It's a most wonderful new life that we enter into. As we spend time with Lord Jesus, learning His ways and studying His word, we will make progress. It will be hard at times. We must learn to stand only on God's word, taking His promises as applying to us personally and not allowing circumstances to dictate to us. You will need to let down your guard a little and have fellowship with other believers. They will let you down. They are just as fallible as you are. However, God places us in the body for a reason. Some call it "sandpaper ministry". If you find a church that preaches Christ, you are likely in the right place.

FYI I was a total introvert when I was saved. Now I am free of those restrictions of personality. I can be on my own or in a crowd, it does not matter. God will bring you to that place too.

 

[TabinRivCA]

Nice to meet you Daniel and welcome to the fellowship here at CC Keep in mind as you know, our God is for us and not against. We all are in the flesh and are dying to self every day. However, we will sin in some way and that's when we come before God asking for forgiveness, in Jesus name and He will remember our sin no more. I have forgotten my back-sliding days because God has. Have a wonderful Christmas and God bless you and your family✨✨✨

 

[DannyBigWords]

Just so you know, being born again is instant. We are "saved", better thought of as "delivered", progressively.

There are simple principles when it comes to confessing sin. It is always to God primarily. If the sin does not involve another, there is no need to confess publicly. If you have sinned against an individual and they know, it is good to confess to them. If it is possible, make restitution. If you broke something of theirs, fix or replace, for example.

Once you are born again, your past is erased. When God forgives, He forgets. Again, if it is possible, try to reconcile with people you have offended. I know a woman who stole from her employer before she was saved. She went back and confessed after she was saved. The ex boss was amazed and told her that he could report her to the police. She repaid the money. Her conscience was clear, she witnessed to the boss and he took no further action.

Repenting is fundamentally a change of mind. So what was acceptable becomes unacceptable. God is the one who changes the heart attitude.

You do not have to keep asking for forgiveness. God heard you the first time. Thank Him for the precious blood of Jesus, shed for the full payment of all your sins. Even those you have yet to commit are paid for.

It's a most wonderful new life that we enter into. As we spend time with Lord Jesus, learning His ways and studying His word, we will make progress. It will be hard at times. We must learn to stand only on God's word, taking His promises as applying to us personally and not allowing circumstances to dictate to us. You will need to let down your guard a little and have fellowship with other believers. They will let you down. They are just as fallible as you are. However, God places us in the body for a reason. Some call it "sandpaper ministry". If you find a church that preaches Christ, you are likely in the right place.

FYI I was a total introvert when I was saved. Now I am free of those restrictions of personality. I can be on my own or in a crowd, it does not matter. God will bring you to that place too.

Your words really connected with me and I appreciate it. I started off believing that I am saved by God's Grace alone, but the more I read scripture, and delve into some "Calvinist" writings, I get anxiety about whether I am not doing enough, or if I even have a chance at salvation. Certain passages tend to dishearten me..."I'd rather cold or hot, if you are warm I will spit you out", "You must be dead to the world" etc. I worry that my only chance at salvation requires me to sell all my possessions, or suffer martyrdom. I don't even know whether I am truly baptized, since it was done in a Catholic church. I don't have the courage or fortitude to be a David Brainard or Bunyan, and would I be able to accept being burned at the stake for my faith? Maybe it's because I'm new to this, or maybe I'm a perfectionist, but I am prone to anxiety and these thoughts don't help. The requirements of being "faithful" have given me doubt in the past and shook me off the right path. Being a bit older I now know to have a short memory and keep chopping away after failure. I guess I'll aim to be a saint and gain holiness, but try to stay optimistic when I fall short.

 

[Oblio]

"being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

 

[tourist]

I gave up my nicotine vice early this year after a lifetime of addiction.

Born and raised a Catholic although haven't attended mass in years. I have been to a few Baptist church services and believe that as a whole the bible is integral to their faith.

Regarding your past sins, once these have been confessed it is best to not carry the guilt anymore. You cannot cure your soul, only God can do that, but you can have a repentant heart. It is well, as you have said, to allow the Holy Spirit to lead you because this is key to the repentance process.

Glad to have you as part of our community. Welcome to CC.

 

[tourist]

"being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." - Philippians 1:6

That verse is one of my all-time favorites.

 

[Bingo]

"Walk cautiously amongst a diverse community, wherever the community may be."

 

[Blain]

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Welcome to Christian chat my friend I am much like you I struggle with depression anxiety and self worth I too am a lone wolf Christian as I like to isolate myself to be with him quite a lot and I also love to walk in the woods just talking with him I feel very close to him when I am around nature.

You will learn a lot being here This is a good site for learning in fact I came here when I was first saved and this place pretty much groomed me into what I am now not to mention made some amazing friends on here. I hope you enjoy your time here and that your faith will be groomed from being on here

 

[Blain]

Your words really connected with me and I appreciate it. I started off believing that I am saved by God's Grace alone, but the more I read scripture, and delve into some "Calvinist" writings, I get anxiety about whether I am not doing enough, or if I even have a chance at salvation. Certain passages tend to dishearten me..."I'd rather cold or hot, if you are warm I will spit you out", "You must be dead to the world" etc. I worry that my only chance at salvation requires me to sell all my possessions, or suffer martyrdom. I don't even know whether I am truly baptized, since it was done in a Catholic church. I don't have the courage or fortitude to be a David Brainard or Bunyan, and would I be able to accept being burned at the stake for my faith? Maybe it's because I'm new to this, or maybe I'm a perfectionist, but I am prone to anxiety and these thoughts don't help. The requirements of being "faithful" have given me doubt in the past and shook me off the right path. Being a bit older I now know to have a short memory and keep chopping away after failure. I guess I'll aim to be a saint and gain holiness, but try to stay optimistic when I fall short.

A lesson I am still trying to learn is that in God's eyes you are perfect you don't have to try to be anything more than you to him you are more than good enough and he boasts of you daily and only wants you to simply accept his love for you because to him your more important and more dear to his heart than his own throne.

Trust me I know this is a hard truth to swallow I myself am still trying to swallow it but it is the truth. I am going to tell you the first and best advice I ever got from him seek love first and then everything else will be given to you. This is the key to growing as a believer his love is deep and warm it fills you to the brim and refreshes your soul, more than anything else he desires an intimate and close relationship with his children he doesn't want you perfect he wants you as you are not what you will be or could be just as you are.
Chase after his heart seek to know him seek to have a close and deep love with him because this is a love story and he is chasing after our hearts. When you know that hunger and you know that thirst, when you crave to have just a little more of him and you long to be in his arms and him in yours that is when a fire will burn inside you a passion that only increases over time and that is when your faith will grow at a rate that you can't imagine.

 

[Evmur]

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Thanks for the testimony Daniel ... A difficult truth to learn is that when we's saved Jesus does a complete job on us, what we do after is learn more and more about the job He has done in us.

Like putting on a new beautiful robe ... and then learning all about it and how to wear it.

At any rate welcome you've got something to contribute. Hot tip ... break your post into paragraphs, it makes it easier to read.

 

[Dub]

Hello I am God. The Word is the provider of mercy and strength Bless you

 

[DannyBigWords]

A lesson I am still trying to learn is that in God's eyes you are perfect you don't have to try to be anything more than you to him you are more than good enough and he boasts of you daily and only wants you to simply accept his love for you because to him your more important and more dear to his heart than his own throne.

Trust me I know this is a hard truth to swallow I myself am still trying to swallow it but it is the truth. I am going to tell you the first and best advice I ever got from him seek love first and then everything else will be given to you. This is the key to growing as a believer his love is deep and warm it fills you to the brim and refreshes your soul, more than anything else he desires an intimate and close relationship with his children he doesn't want you perfect he wants you as you are not what you will be or could be just as you are.
Chase after his heart seek to know him seek to have a close and deep love with him because this is a love story and he is chasing after our hearts. When you know that hunger and you know that thirst, when you crave to have just a little more of him and you long to be in his arms and him in yours that is when a fire will burn inside you a passion that only increases over time and that is when your faith will grow at a rate that you can't imagine.

Just reading this now, almost two years from my original post. You are right on! Love is everything. "Seek Ye First" is one of my top 3 favorite hymns. I regularly pray to be able to "love" more. Everything else is taken care of with love. At first, I was doing "loving things" out of duty, but without the feeling. Nowadays I am starting to be driven by love, which is part of an example of Christ I am looking to show to others. Life gets better and more fulfilling everyday. Thank you so much for the very true and prophetic advice!

 

[oyster67]

Just reading this now, almost two years from my original post. You are right on! Love is everything. "Seek Ye First" is one of my top 3 favorite hymns. I regularly pray to be able to "love" more. Everything else is taken care of with love. At first, I was doing "loving things" out of duty, but without the feeling. Nowadays I am starting to be driven by love, which is part of an example of Christ I am looking to show to others. Life gets better and more fulfilling everyday. Thank you so much for the very true and prophetic advice!

Welcome back, Daniel.

 

[selahsays]

You are beloved of the Lord, Daniel.

 

[Adstar]

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Welcome to CC Daniel i hope you grow in truth and wisdom here..

Reading your post i came to this::

Would I lie to hide my past sins?

My reply is How can you hide your past sins from The LORD who knows everything you have done in your life.. Who knows every thought that has ever come from you ?

God knows everything about us.. So the best thing to do is acknowledge to God that His will is perfect and that everything you have done or thought against His will is sin and everything good that you have failed to do that is His will for you to do is also sin.. Then Thank Him for the Atonement He secured by His death on the cross that paid the second death penalty that was due upon you for your transgressions against His will..

As for confessing your sins to others, yeah that is a good thing because others can pray to God for you so as to ask for God to help you resist such sins in the future.. I don't believe you need to go back into your former unbelieving life to confess all those sins today to other Christians..

Oh and for me i am an ex-catholic .. I became a Christian in my early 20's when a work friend gifted me a Bible and i read it all... That's when i discovered what the actual Gospel was which had never been shared with me during my early life as a deceived catholic bound to a works based salvation mindset.. I thank the Lord for the conviction / moving of the Holy Spirit that happened to me during those Bible reading sessions.. Such a weight was lifted of me when i came to know the perfect Love of The LORD Jesus and the WAY of salvation through believing Jesus and trusting in the Atonement He suffered death to secure for me to wash away my sins and win for me Eternal life in His perfect eternal existence..

I hope you are also on the Right Way to eternal life and have the assurance and confidence in the righteousness of The LORD Jesus..

 

[HealthAndHappiness]

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!

Good morning Daniel.
It's good to hear from a man who is seeking the Lord's will. I was also raised Roman Catholic. I have to admit that they got some things right like the doctrine of the Trinity, Jesus is not only 100% God, but also 100% man, born of the virgin conception of Mary by the Holy Spirit. He was punished for our sins and died for us. The Bible is God's Holy Word.
Then years ago someone cared enough to share with me some insight.

It went something like This. link to YouTube.
I finally got clarity to exactly what you are talking about. It's just a short simple message with a profound truth. If after you have listened to it a time or three have any questions, please let me know. I'm here to help.

Have a great day.
☕🙂👍📖

 

[BillyBob]

Daniel,

I was drawn to you introduction because our stories are much the same yet totally opposite!

I was not raised as a Christian – so I came to Christ in my 50's.

My wife and I are both on our 2nd marriage, each of us having children of our own, but not together. However, we both accepted all children as our own and have raised them accordingly. It must have worked because we will celebrate our 50th year of marriage later this year. We were married, each as non-believers!

In my early years, even though I considered myself a sinner, there was never a desire to turn to Christ. I just never felt my need. I had never killed anyone, nor had I robbed a bank! However, I lived with a guilt deep inside knowing that there was indeed a God, and He was not pleased with me.

Later in our marriage, there was an event which resulted in my wife turning to God. At that point we became UN-equally yoked! This did not cause a problem in our marriage but did continue for at least a year. At that point, I decided to begin going to church in support of my wife.

I sat through sermons for over a year thinking that they were having absolutely no effect on me. Then one Sunday the pastor gave a sermon on the axe-head floats. Near the end of the sermon he said, “Is there any man who is so great a sinner that he cannot be saved – if the axe-head floats”. That simple sermon totally broke me down and turn me to Christ!

You mentioned that you are married to a non-believer. Please try to convince her to go to church with you. She may sit beside you for a very long time with no effect. However, I have come to believe that it is true that we come to Christ through the hearing of his word. If it works for her, then your marriage will be much blessed.

May your walk with God continue to grow!

Hello All! My name is Daniel. I used to call myself "Dan" but as part of my growth in TRULY becoming a child of Christ, I am trying to separate myself from the former self. I was Catholic since birth, with varying degrees of devotion over the years. I have struggled all my life over issues of inadequacy, depression, and anxiety. I rebelled against God, or what Catholicism said God was. Long and short, I was well meaning and somewhat "innocent" through my teens, lost hope in my early 20's, an awful person through mid 30's, suffering and learning in late 30's, awakening on my 40'th birthday, Repentant at 42. Through constant daily prayer and reading (Bible, Tozer, Pink, Dr. Bill Creasy, C.S Lewis etc.) I have maintained constant vigilance, out of fear of returning to my old ways. I quit every vice you can imagine, save for caffeine and nicotine. I've lost my quickness to anger, lust, and impatience and anything the Holy Spirit tells me to get rid of as I continue this journey. I have occasional battles of faith, but unlike the past, I suffer through it, praying to be given more faith and guidance. I am a "Lone Wolf" Christian presently as I am extremely introverted and have a short attention span. I am keeping an open mind however. I've been to a reformed Baptist prayer group, a Calvary church, and plan on visiting a Baptist service this Sunday. I feel I am closest to God when I walk in the woods for hours asking for forgiveness and thanking Him for my salvation. I am married with kids, to a non-believer. I have a son out of wedlock, she has been divorced. I know this is a bad situation, and not in line with scripture, but I have no recourse and only choose to pray and ask forgiveness. Right now I am trying to come to true terms with my repentance over past sins. I ask for forgiveness for them, but I don't feel I am at the point where I would confess these sins to others if pressed. Can I truly be repentant if I am not ready to lose everything I have, by confessing these sins? Would I lie to hide my past sins? It's all hypothetical but I want to cure my soul to the cure, so these questions have to be asked. I will post intermittently to see if I can gain insight on my struggles. I believe in the Holy Spirit above all else to lead me to true repentance in the meantime. Bless you all. Merry Christmas!