Prayer for getting out of a miserable rut of inaction and apathy.

I have been lost in what to do without any direction at all. I feel as if my life is meaningless and have made no or very little progress as a Christian in 10 years roughly. I am tired and weary nearly every day of the drudgery of inactivity that has seemingly led me to be "less of a Christian" with nearly no "zeal or effort" to do anything. All hope seems lost and I have no future to look forward to except made up guesses and fantasies of a false "heaven" or "heaven on earth" that seems not very active or interesting to live like a "sheep" without thoughts and desires, because our desires are non-existent in "heaven" etc, they are "God's desires / will" and so forth.

I have no decent job to occupy my mind, i'm stuck at home all my life, my family isn't Christian, is loud, and I have to deal with being a loser as person and a Christian at an older age, with an empty dead church of nice people, but nearly no-one.

What the heck am I supposed to do with this limited poor-ish inskilled miserable life of no resources and no visible or felt direction of what God is leading me to if at all? I feel like all I am being led to do is overcome addiction to "doing stuff" and am to sit like a "monk" with no mind at all "dead but living". With no desires. I have lost nearly all will to live, but am Christian so can't do the bad stuff etc, otherwise I would have left a long time ago from this inactive life of nothingness. There is no support except to pray and continue for another decade guessing if I'm going anywhere, supposed to stay still, or who knows?

So I pray and ask for life to not be a miserable pointless existence, otherwise what am I to ever evangelise with except "you won't go to hell and burn forever"? Sometimes I get glimmers of peace of mind, but only like a "sheep" or baby not thinking or worrying. The way I used to be before I "grew up" and became useless and miserable. All education seems a waste and not of "job usage" as courses are not present anymore. The world is at war and dying, and everything I used to do to "chill" is anti-christian, or at least God seems to have pushed/dragged me away from them (gaming / movies / music / fun and addictive stimulation I suppose is sinful potentially clinging to the "world").

What does a Christian do except be silent and wait? What do I do in an empty church? What do I do alone when I have lost zeal to read or study anymore except on a "good day". I'm probably "sinfully bored" of what seems like "inactive dull Christianity".

Therefore I ask and pray for others also to pray for me to overcome my addictions to wanting to do, because it seems that is what "greedy feeling" I have to overcome, also I ask that I actually have a "regular meaningful" reason to live, as well as a direction in the will of God "with my understanding and not guessing every day and night with constant worry / panic / confusion as to not doing the correct thing". I pray for rest and not this constant fear of not doing enough, because i'm once saved always saved, but still have no direction or HOPE, because life, heaven and everything, seems meaningless and unfulfilling with no idea or picture of what to hope for? "A boring eternity?".
So yeah, any help appreciated, and I know this is a lot of stuff, but it backs up when you have no-one to talk to who answers etc.
Selfishly, I wish my life was more interesting, and I also feel I missed out big time. I pray I get over this also. In Jesus name , Amen.

yeah, any help appreciated

Been there, done that. The answer is to quit looking at yourself. Count the number of "I"s in your post. It's good that you are honest. God will do nothing for us while we pretend. My wife and I befriended a single mother who was raised a Christian. Her life was a mess. She got born again but still seemed to be struggling. She eventually consecrated herself wholly to the Lordship of Jesus. She moved interstate so we had limited contact with her. She phoned us several times. We encouraged her to find a fellowship, but she seemed to lack any motivation. I looked online and there was a church that stood out to me. I suggested that she go. She did and she's the happiest that we've known her to be.

God is way ahead of us. He looks for us to move. Being passive is destructive. You first need to know who you are in Christ. Read the first chapters of Ephesians and write down all that you are in Christ and what God has done for you in Christ. Then thank Him for it, whether you understand it or not or feel any different. You need to see that you really are a new person in Jesus. Looking at yourself will only bring you down. Hebrews tells us to look to Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith.

Many Christians lack a solid foundation. They don't know how to stand when times get tough. We all suffer tribulation. We can rise above it or let it overwhelm us. We need to know that it is Jesus within us who is doing the living, if we will let Him. He is not just the Way and the Truth. He is the Life. In Him we have the victorious, overcoming and triumphant life that He proved by His death and resurrection. It's ours, but not many know it. Start afresh with God. Begin by confessing your sin, including doubt and unbelief. Ask Jesus to live out His life in you, through you and in place of who you were. You must start each day with the Lord. There is nothing more important.

I get your point, and yes I do try that but see little point in it due to no reason to use it as I am not used in basically 10 years now of church etc. I see nothing I can do, and am used for nothing. Study seems aimless. Reading is ok but only a little compared to the "early days" probably like most. For you you have a wife, probably kids, a house, phone, car, pension, holidays, job, a church with attendees that talk more than "3 words" to each other, and more than a handful of christians around you in church or outside who are probably all saved family and friends etc.

I have no direction, a couple of distant (other country) saved family, no home of my own, no job after november, a dead church who are active but are like silent timid concerned about everything "sheep", who do do church work, which is nice, but prayer is basically 15 minutes once or twice a week for the preacher to preach well. The message is the same every week basically (not much teaching or study except alone, always, for self-reading and not a lot else). Not trying to moan, only saying this is the "best of what is close enough", otherwise they're too liberal or a "fake church" of some sort.

Jesus gets whatever he wants, and I get what is delivered, and I have prayed to be a better more zealous christian who prays, and does "the work", yet I am frequently led to do and study nothing, and become like an inactive dead-minded-sheep, simply accepting sub-standard christianity (in my opinion), and have become a worse christian after a lack of "guidance" from church or other, though I did pray and ask to both etc. Other than giving up on doing anything (which is what I have decided to do and "let God do it"), the only hting I can do is attend church, read a bit, wait for whatever God has planned if anything in my life except empty inactivity? and give up on all "hope", because "hope" is a desire of mine, and is not Christian in my opinion. Every hope I ever had always failed anyway, the only thing left is to wait until death and then I'm free to be a servant for whatever is left, for eternity (as that is not clear either). I sound negative, but it is only my wording style so don't think I am trying to be against God or whatever. I simply state it as I see it. Not much happening in 10 years and I remember little of what I have studied due to such a big book.
So finding a church and being happy, means I leave the one i'm in for what? worse? I continue praying and wait, as I have done? There seems to be no answer and I think I will simply do as I have. I have no other choice or guidance on anything, so what else can I do?