Why Don't We Ever Hear About Wives Who Are Addicted to Porn?

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Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#21
It is now called 'and just like that' and the women are now older and greyer and a bit more botoxed.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#22
the child beauty pageant shows are kinda weird but mothers are def involved with that tarting up their own daughters, its not the dads doing it.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#23
some couples actually make their own bedroom videos, a PI (private invesitgator) was on a case where a couple got burgled but they were too embarassed to report it but had to catch the thief because they stole the tape/video that they had made. So they asked the PI to get on to them.

if you married you can make your own pornos I guess instead of looking at other couples. ?!

I am not sure how they hid it from their children but I suppose they could have just closed the bedroom door.

Some christian couples just say they have a lock on it. Once children find out where they are from they will want to know just how its done so they can do it themselves one day.

But generally innocent children when they ask you where you are from it just means what country you are from as thats what they are told to say in school, and if you look 'foreign' and say you are local everyone looks at you with suspicion.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#24
I cant count the number of times that white (or caucausian/eruropean) men look at me, see Im asian looking and think or assume Im a prostitute.

um, hello. And this happens IN CHURCH, and with married men too.
 

seekingthemindofChrist

Casting down imaginations
Jul 10, 2023
1,178
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#27
some couples actually make their own bedroom videos.
I made my own bedroom video once.

In it, I smashed my little toe into the bedframe, and as I was hopping around on one foot, I tripped over a pair of shoes, fell out my bedroom window, and plummetted downward into an open manhole cover. The sewer waters washed me out to sea, where I was swallowed by a giant fish, and eventually vomited onto the shores of Nineveh.

I seem to have misplaced the video, but part of my ordeal made it into the Bible in slightly altered form.

lol.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
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#28
well apparently some couples have a tv in their bedroom and a camera looking at their bed.

The Bible has plenty to say about covering up your nakedness and who you are and arent allowed to uncover but I think some people think that just doesnt apply to people on the tv or in books and magazines or on the internet.
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#30
I have a question, what is the difference if it's a book or real people? Aren't you fulfilling a lust of the eye?

The other thing is, I feel people are kind of judgy. Yes porn is wicked and yes we should resist the temptation of any lust but I think some forget sin is sin. Weather it be porn or drinking or anger or something of the sort. We all have a giant. If someone is battling a giant but is fighting, would you not marry them? Would you marry someone knowing you are battling a giant?

I'm just wondering I'm not picking an argument. Please be kind in your answers.
 

Talljake

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Jul 17, 2022
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#31
Also, I know I have giants.....yes giants that I'm battling. It's hard at times

Fight the good fight😊
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
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#32
I have a question, what is the difference if it's a book or real people? Aren't you fulfilling a lust of the eye?

The other thing is, I feel people are kind of judgy. Yes porn is wicked and yes we should resist the temptation of any lust but I think some forget sin is sin. Weather it be porn or drinking or anger or something of the sort. We all have a giant. If someone is battling a giant but is fighting, would you not marry them? Would you marry someone knowing you are battling a giant?

I'm just wondering I'm not picking an argument. Please be kind in your answers.
Hi Jake,

Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post. :) I can only speak for myself, but yes, I believe porn of all types is equally harmful, whether a picture, on a screen, or in a book because, as you said, it incites lust, as well as covetousness.

As for marrying someone and fighting giants... I know we all have giants in our lives. Something I didn't know however, was how another person's giants would affect my own giants personally.

I only had a few long-term relationships in my life, one of them being my ex-husband which I've talked about often, as he left and went on to remarry.

Long after that ended, I dated a man whose giant was alcohol. He also had 3 boys, 2 of whom were very young and lived with him. I should have never dated him, as I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle an instant family, but my co-workers were mostly all single moms and told me I was being a snob for not giving a single dad a chance. At the time, he worked a full-time job, was going to AA, and would gladly to to church with me when he had Sundays off, so I thought things were headed in a good direction.

What I didn't understand was how his demons would only inflame my own. Long story short, he started relying on my for everything, and instead of getting better, my presence became a crutch. Over 3 years, he stopped working and I was doing most everything. It didn't matter when I told him I had something going on -- he dropped his kids off as my house because it got to a point where he drank from the time he woke up to the time he passed out in the evening. His babysitter was calling me telling me to come get the kids because he couldn't. I found myself paying for his childcare and then court cases because he stopped working to drink. He also saw nothing wrong with viewing and printing porn on his computer (this was before smart phones,) and I would walk into his room and see stacks of pictures of adult material.

One of my giants is depression, and so all of these things set off my own demons in a major way. I couldn't see any way out because any time I tried to break up with him, he would just drop the kids off at my house saying, "They need you." They would run to me because he would forget to feed them. In the rare times I now had to myself, I would crumble into a ball, rocking and crying and asking God how I could get out of this without damaging the kids in any way.

And my even bigger giants started to resurface. I fell back into self-harm, and if anyone noticed at work, I dismissed it as cat scratches (even though no one I knew owned a cat.) Others might act out their anxiety and stress through drugs, drinking, and porn, but for me, when it spills over into something I just can't handle, I start to think about self-destructing in various ways.

After 3 very long years and nearly having to get the police involved, I finally got out. The kids went to a loving, safe environment with family (their mother had died long before they met me,) and I slowly became 100 times better on my own.

And so I have found that for my own self, I have to be very, very careful about how someone else's demons are going to affect my own. This is part of why I stay single, and something I think many cannot admit to themselves -- that in many cases, their own demons might be better worked out as a single than in a marriage, at least for a time.

Now I know this isn't very encouraging, but I'm sure God has built people who, unlike me, could handle and even work through those situations. The ironic thing for me is that I feel part my calling is to reach out to people who have gone through extreme things. But the difference is that in those cases, my life was separate from theirs and as long as I could get away, I could handle it in measured doses.

I could not survive in a marriage that was constantly setting off my own issues. Knowing he was regularly looking at porn would definitely set me off, because I would feel ugly and unworthy, and this would lead to me hurting myself (especially in a union that is supposed to be based on mutual trust and love.) Alcohol and drugs would likely means I'd have to start working extra jobs to try to keep up with the bills if/when he could no longer work, dumping all the responsibility into my lap, which would also push me over the edge, because there was no way out.

I don't want to discourage anyone here who is fighting these kinds of giants. I don't want anyone to think they can't get married or will never find someone who will marry them. We are all different and my triggers might work much differently than others. God may have someone out there whose giants might actually work with yours to get better -- only He knows.

However, I have to be honest about my own self. My depression has not fallen to that extreme (it still comes and goes, but not to those levels) since I got away from feeling trapped in those situations, and I will not knowingly subject myself to them in a relationship if I can help it.

Now of course, if God wanted me to marry someone with those issues, I'd have to be willing to obey. But right now, my feeling is that God would have to somehow convey to me in a big way that things would somehow be different, because I try to be realistic about myself and I know how I react to those situations.

Alcoholics know they shouldn't enter a bar. Porn addicts know they shouldn't enter a store selling adult products.

Likewise, as someone who knows what triggers her most extreme bouts of depression, I can't offer anything but a friendship in certain situations as a means of my own self-preservation.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#33
Also, I know I have giants.....yes giants that I'm battling. It's hard at times

Fight the good fight😊

We all are indeed fighting something, and usually multiple things at once.

God bless you for keeping up the good fight, Jake!

I'll keep you on my prayer list. :)
 

MsMediator

Well-known member
Mar 8, 2022
1,083
725
113
#34
Weather it be porn or drinking or anger or something of the sort. We all have a giant. If someone is battling a giant but is fighting, would you not marry them? Would you marry someone knowing you are battling a giant?
Everyone knows their limits. Some of these giants cause trauma for the other person, and can ruin a marriage. I would not marry anyone with ongoing porn, anger, or alcohol issues. These particular addictions affect other areas of life such as maintaining friendships, job/work ethic, family relations, being of sound mind, etc.
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
2,252
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#35
Hi Jake,

Thank you for your honest and heartfelt post. :) I can only speak for myself, but yes, I believe porn of all types is equally harmful, whether a picture, on a screen, or in a book because, as you said, it incites lust, as well as covetousness.

As for marrying someone and fighting giants... I know we all have giants in our lives. Something I didn't know however, was how another person's giants would affect my own giants personally.

I only had a few long-term relationships in my life, one of them being my ex-husband which I've talked about often, as he left and went on to remarry.

Long after that ended, I dated a man whose giant was alcohol. He also had 3 boys, 2 of whom were very young and lived with him. I should have never dated him, as I was worried I wouldn't be able to handle an instant family, but my co-workers were mostly all single moms and told me I was being a snob for not giving a single dad a chance. At the time, he worked a full-time job, was going to AA, and would gladly to to church with me when he had Sundays off, so I thought things were headed in a good direction.

What I didn't understand was how his demons would only inflame my own. Long story short, he started relying on my for everything, and instead of getting better, my presence became a crutch. Over 3 years, he stopped working and I was doing most everything. It didn't matter when I told him I had something going on -- he dropped his kids off as my house because it got to a point where he drank from the time he woke up to the time he passed out in the evening. His babysitter was calling me telling me to come get the kids because he couldn't. I found myself paying for his childcare and then court cases because he stopped working to drink. He also saw nothing wrong with viewing and printing porn on his computer (this was before smart phones,) and I would walk into his room and see stacks of pictures of adult material.

One of my giants is depression, and so all of these things set off my own demons in a major way. I couldn't see any way out because any time I tried to break up with him, he would just drop the kids off at my house saying, "They need you." They would run to me because he would forget to feed them. In the rare times I now had to myself, I would crumble into a ball, rocking and crying and asking God how I could get out of this without damaging the kids in any way.

And my even bigger giants started to resurface. I fell back into self-harm, and if anyone noticed at work, I dismissed it as cat scratches (even though no one I knew owned a cat.) Others might act out their anxiety and stress through drugs, drinking, and porn, but for me, when it spills over into something I just can't handle, I start to think about self-destructing in various ways.

After 3 very long years and nearly having to get the police involved, I finally got out. The kids went to a loving, safe environment with family (their mother had died long before they met me,) and I slowly became 100 times better on my own.

And so I have found that for my own self, I have to be very, very careful about how someone else's demons are going to affect my own. This is part of why I stay single, and something I think many cannot admit to themselves -- that in many cases, their own demons might be better worked out as a single than in a marriage, at least for a time.

Now I know this isn't very encouraging, but I'm sure God has built people who, unlike me, could handle and even work through those situations. The ironic thing for me is that I feel part my calling is to reach out to people who have gone through extreme things. But the difference is that in those cases, my life was separate from theirs and as long as I could get away, I could handle it in measured doses.

I could not survive in a marriage that was constantly setting off my own issues. Knowing he was regularly looking at porn would definitely set me off, because I would feel ugly and unworthy, and this would lead to me hurting myself (especially in a union that is supposed to be based on mutual trust and love.) Alcohol and drugs would likely means I'd have to start working extra jobs to try to keep up with the bills if/when he could no longer work, dumping all the responsibility into my lap, which would also push me over the edge, because there was no way out.

I don't want to discourage anyone here who is fighting these kinds of giants. I don't want anyone to think they can't get married or will never find someone who will marry them. We are all different and my triggers might work much differently than others. God may have someone out there whose giants might actually work with yours to get better -- only He knows.

However, I have to be honest about my own self. My depression has not fallen to that extreme (it still comes and goes, but not to those levels) since I got away from feeling trapped in those situations, and I will not knowingly subject myself to them in a relationship if I can help it.

Now of course, if God wanted me to marry someone with those issues, I'd have to be willing to obey. But right now, my feeling is that God would have to somehow convey to me in a big way that things would somehow be different, because I try to be realistic about myself and I know how I react to those situations.

Alcoholics know they shouldn't enter a bar. Porn addicts know they shouldn't enter a store selling adult products.

Likewise, as someone who knows what triggers her most extreme bouts of depression, I can't offer anything but a friendship in certain situations as a means of my own self-preservation.
Thank you for sharing all this search. I can understand and relate to the things you have been through. From what I take in from the various things I have read from you, you are such a kind person with a big heart. The lord is in your heart and I can see that. I am so thankful you are here and that I have an opportunity to have crossed paths with you. You are an encouragement for me. I too have been through a lot. I almost took my own life from depression of course that was a long time ago but still. I can hear myself through what you just wrote.

The lord is so amazing, and he loves us so much. I am so sorry for any and all pain you have felt or may be feeling. You are a blessing and you are much stronger than you may realize. If you ever need someone to talk with I am always here. I have my days and I am not perfect but I am here. You are in my prayers.
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#36
Everyone knows their limits. Some of these giants cause trauma for the other person, and can ruin a marriage. I would not marry anyone with ongoing porn, anger, or alcohol issues. These particular addictions affect other areas of life such as maintaining friendships, job/work ethic, family relations, being of sound mind, etc.
I agree with you. But I also think we all have something....every one of us
 

seekingthemindofChrist

Casting down imaginations
Jul 10, 2023
1,178
573
113
#37
I agree with you. But I also think we all have something....every one of us
We are all battling something, or some things, or at least we should be, and we fall into grave danger when we begin to categorize sin.

For example, for many people, homosexuality, lesbianism, and transgenderism are the most heinous sins imaginable, but are they any worse than adultery and fornication in God's eyes? No, they are not, and the latter are very commonplace in our churches, and even in our pulpits.
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#38
We are all battling something, or some things, or at least we should be, and we fall into grave danger when we begin to categorize sin.

For example, for many people, homosexuality, lesbianism, and transgenderism are the most heinous sins imaginable, but are they any worse than adultery and fornication in God's eyes? No, they are not, and the latter are very commonplace in our churches, and even in our pulpits.
Yes amen.

I will use myself as the example.

I know I have my giants, and there will always be a giant. I also know because of the lord I want to do my best to defeat these giants and stay faithful. Should someone not marry me because of my giants? We all have something. Now let's say the lord has put a women in my life, she has her giants, we both are aware of each others giants, we both have a love for the lord, do we let giants stop us? Or do we come to help one another as we live for the lord having him help us as well?

I'm only giving you a thought. I'm not being rude or anything like that. Just thoughts.

Like I know if the lord a women in my life,I would want us both to stay faithful to grow and help and love each other. But I also know there will be giants from us both, and I wouldn't let it stop me marring that women as long as I knew the lord blessed us to marry each other.

But I'm not arguing and I would like to kindly understand others thoughts. It just sounds like some would not marry on the basis of "they have a giant I can't marry them" type of situation.

Almost like there is a check list that is held and all boxes have to be checked. Or something.....
 

Talljake

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2022
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#39
For the record there is no women in my life that Im considering marrying. I am single and a hermit lol
 

seekingthemindofChrist

Casting down imaginations
Jul 10, 2023
1,178
573
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#40
Yes amen.

I will use myself as the example.

I know I have my giants, and there will always be a giant. I also know because of the lord I want to do my best to defeat these giants and stay faithful. Should someone not marry me because of my giants? We all have something. Now let's say the lord has put a women in my life, she has her giants, we both are aware of each others giants, we both have a love for the lord, do we let giants stop us? Or do we come to help one another as we live for the lord having him help us as well?

I'm only giving you a thought. I'm not being rude or anything like that. Just thoughts.

Like I know if the lord a women in my life,I would want us both to stay faithful to grow and help and love each other. But I also know there will be giants from us both, and I wouldn't let it stop me marring that women as long as I knew the lord blessed us to marry each other.

But I'm not arguing and I would like to kindly understand others thoughts. It just sounds like some would not marry on the basis of "they have a giant I can't marry them" type of situation.

Almost like there is a check list that is held and all boxes have to be checked. Or something.....
First of all, I have never seen you as being even the slightest bit rude or argumentative; either on this thread or on other threads. Instead, you seem to be a genuinely nice guy, so I hope that the Lord does bring a godly woman your way.

Secondly, I totally agree with you that any couple should be willing to help each other in fighting their giants. The key, of course, is that both parties genuinely want to fight their giants. If not, then those giants will wind up being pricks in their eyes, or thorns in their sides, or a continual source of vexation to them, as was the case with the children of Israel who refused to drive out certain giants when occupying "the promised land".

Numbers 33:55

"But if ye will not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you; then it shall come to pass, that those which ye let remain of them shall be pricks in your eyes, and thorns in your sides, and shall vex you in the land wherein ye dwell."

Lastly, and this will probably fall under the category of "too much information" (TMI) or "who cares?", I think that I can honestly say that I have never dated or even met a woman who ever considered whether or not I had any giants of my own to fight. In other words, by nature, I try to selflessly help others, and not just when it comes to someone I might have any type of interest in dating, so my focus is always upon helping them defeat their giants. Eventually, those relationships, for lack of a better word, fade, and, in retrospect, I come to realize, time and time again, that the relationship was totally one-sided. In other words, I showed genuine concern for the other person and they really had no regard for me whatsoever. I am not complaining about that, especially in that Jesus regularly found himself in similar types of situations during his incarnation, but this is one reason why I believe that I will remain single for the rest of my life, and I am okay with that.