The Banned Game

The fairy lights beckoned.
Welcome to Norway?
But I dont speak any Norwegian or know many Norse Legends. I only know Roald Dahl books on how to deal with witches. President Lanolin was a bit dismayed and looked around for her magic wand.

Where is Thor when you need him?

Haha, tenkte Ms Jenny. Ho snakka jo kav norlænning, og kunne jo helt sikkert ha hjulpe tell me å førrklare ho derran Lanolindama ka de va ho trængte å vite. Men næi, sånn som ho hadde hærja me ho i røvarhistorian sine så va det ikkje nåt håp…hehehe

President Lanolin didnt want it venture out. It was too cold. Like an eternal winter and she was sure it wasnt a good idea to get lost in a snow drift. She went back to her mobile library where it was cosy and very hygge and made herself a cup of hot chocolate while looking up a book that shed been meaning to read. This one looks interesting she thought.

A Dolls House.

So, the president had a thing for 19th century criticism of patriarchal society issues? Maybe she could be starring in the play as Nora?

After reading The Dolls House President Lanolin yawned. Marriage problems what's new? She put the book back on the shelf.

The further adventures of Anna and Elsa in Arendelle looked a bit more appealing. Also, if she ventured out she could maybe try to make a snowman like Olaf. She opened up Frozen 2.

Santa Claus was coming to town
Specifically the town of Arendelle where certain mobile library had landed.
He was bringing his wife and Santa Baby too. Mrs Santa Claus had tired of Shittimstan's mud and steamy tropics and thought they would make a trip up North to cooler climes.

Yes they were pulling a geographic, but the Unicorns were getting restless in Shittimstan and needed to stretch their wings.

Theres President Lanolins mobile library said Santa Claus from his sleigh. Shes all by herself.
No she shes not all by herself shes got all her books for company said Mrs Claus. We shouldnt disturb her. Unless shes made a wish on her magic wand...

Santa Claus said why it turns out she had. She wished for Thor. Lets go get him and bring him to her.

Santa got in touch with Thor and Thor said he'd meet President Lanolin on Thursday
It was a date

The president was aiming high. A Norse mythological figure? Must have been the hammer.

President Lanolin woke up on Thursday to thunder and lightening. The storm raged outside her mobile Library all day making it impossible to go outside or do anything she she just stayed in her pyjamas and finished reading yet another shelf of books.

Santa Claus and his wife stayed in an ice hotel in Arandelle where unicorns had their own ice rink.

Shall we check up on President Lanolin? Its been several weeks surely shes met Thor by now said Mrs Santa Claus.

Santa demurred and said that they probably needed their privacy and interfering would just paint them as busybodies. Oh, said Mrs Santa Claus, a tad disappointed. Well I need to watch SOMETHING I am going a bit stir crazy here. Its a lovely hotel but there is nothing to DO. Santa Baby just slept all day

Santa Claus laughed and pointed to the icebox in the corner. You could watch that melt.

He meant the television
MTV (Mosetarian television) was on and it was showing the Barbie movie.

Ain’t nothin’ like an oval weekend at an ice hotel with your spouse, Ms Jenny said out loud to nobody in particular. Everthang’s frozen and you completely forget about humidity and a 100 degrees. She reckoned that an ice hotel would last about three hours in Lower Alabama without a power supply cutting them back in the six digits area per week. Santa’d best not take his vacation down home.

Arandelle probably was another story. Maybe it was situated somewhere near the Mosestarian sector in Antarctica? All about that place was cold and morbid. No wonder Santa had a thing for that place. She still had the coal she got for last Christmas. She’d been nice to no avail. Why be nice if coal was the endgame anyways? Next year she would go back to invading neighboring countries.

Dear I feel the overwhelming urge to do some pink decorating. This ice hotel needs a makeover.

Santa wasnt keen on all the pink. He was used to the red and white colour scheme, with occasional accents of green and gold and fairy lights. His Christmas trees were always evergreen pines with pinecones, not palm trees with coconuts.

Had Mrs Santa Claus been brainwashed by MTV??
He had to do something, and it was now July. Maybe he had been wrong about marrying someone from a different hemisphere.

Santa Claus was worried. It seemed Mrs Santa Claus got the strange idea to decorate the ice hotel with pink candyfloss. She then started talking about how she wanted to move to a gingerbread house in the woods and how perfect life would be there surrounded by trees.

Are you not happy here my love?

Mrs santa Claus was clearly bored.

Are there too many snowmen, and not enough oompa loompas? Mrs Santa Claus had been watching another movie on MTV, this time it was Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. There was something creepy about the movie that he couldnt put his finger on.

Also, what happened to President Lanolin? They hadnt heard anything since last Thursday. Had her head been chopped off? Thor had a reputation for being hard to handle.

Thor was mighty displeased with the President. In every aspect of the word. Here he had believed that a president was a person in total power but obviously this one was put in office by the people? Just to rephrase it: the people decided whether she was in control or not. This was unheard of. What if he, Thor, was a simple elected Norse god? How would anybody respect him then? They could just wait him out until they had him thrown out of the sky!

He didn’t feel like chopping her head off either, but maybe he should ask management to give her some eternal powers? So she could rule her country forever the way she pleased? Perhaps a presidential period of a 1,000 years to begin with? And what about that semi native redhead? She really annoyed the president. She was uppity and loud while visiting libraries. Maybe a bolt of lightning would put things straight? No, she had this gentleman in Heaven who always protected her like some kind of a dad. Thor couldn’t fathom why God made all of those efforts to protect that ill minded woman. Just one bolt of lightning and the problem would have been solved.

Kevin answered the mail while President Lanolin was away on business in Norway. it seems she had one more day left and then her term would expire. Then if she applied again for a new passport it would last for a thousand years. That was just one day to the Lord who seemed to be in charge of planet earth.

Miss Greenlips Hine is there any way that President Lanolin can return from Norway or did she have a one way ticket?

Last I heard she was meeting Thor and he wasnt pleased. I heard him raging last night. Whenever he's in a bad mood theres always thunder and lightening. Miss Greenlips Hine thought maybe President Lanolin didnt know how to cook him some eggs, like in the film Once were Warriors

Ms Jenny was in a real bad mood. Yesterday she had been almost completely taken off guard by a thunderstorm that materialized out of nowhere. It was like the lightning tried to hunt her down, and she had heard this thunderous voice, speaking in a poor English, from the skies. It was like whenever her former boss was trying to chat up his English speaking female trainees by pouring them lightning. How could he have winded up in Heaven?

A knocking on the door caught her attention. “Ms Jenny, there’s a “man” here to see you”, a servant said, “he looks like a snake oil salesman and he speaks funny English”. Ms Jenny sighed. “Well, send him in, he can’t be worse than yesterday’s ordeals”.

A sneaky looking, slender man with a long, black hair entered the room. “My delightful, sweet little girl”, the seasoned womanizer greeted her. “Oh”, Ms Jenny almost blushed and brushed some imaginary hair off her face. “What can I do for you, Mr…?” she giggled like a teenage girl. He got a serious look on his face.

“I am here, my darling, to help you out with Thor”.

“With Thor? Who’s Thor?”

"With Thor... hair", the sneaky-looking man explained with a poor-English-sounding lisp. Miss Jenny gave the strange man with long, black hair a disapproving look, and noted that he was missing the teeth necessary to form the "s" sound. "With Thor hair," the man repeated.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing wrong with my hair," Miss Jenny explained.

The sneaky-looking man seemed disappointed. "But I hath thome thnake-oil which ith perfect for Thor hair," the man persisted.

Miss Jenny wondered how the man had announced that she was his "delightful, sweet little girl", if he really did have difficulties pronouncing his s's. She shrugged her shoulders and decided to run with it.

"How much?" she asked sharply.

"Oh, thith thnake-oil, very rare..." the strange man started to fumble with his words, not expecting to have an offer before he had even made his sales pitch.

"Too much!" Miss Jenny replied, before he could even name a price. "The most I would be prepared to pay is..."