Struggling very hard with lust & shame

I had an experience last week.

Me and my God-fearing date got intimate, in his car, no less.

Needless to say, the level of shame I have is incredible. I am ashamed of what I did and what manifested because of it.

He is very attractive to me, especially mentally. I love his talks. I love his prayers. He is incredibly intelligent and I love that. One night, in his car, he was showing me songs he likes. He put on a throwback ~love~ song and kissed me. He kissed me and put his hands between my legs. I didn’t stop him and truthfully, in that moment, I didn’t want him to. This is part of the shame.

We did *everything* in that car.

Everything.

I went home high as kite off of pure satisfaction. And then I woke up.

Lord, the shame.

How can I do this? How could he? What even happened? The shame was mixed with the sudden intense, obsessive thoughts I began to have about sex, and not just sex in general, but sex with *him*. I think about those moments with him *all day long*. I am lusting for him in terrible way.

It feels like that one moment has unlocked this seedy part of my mind that can’t be controlled. It is disturbing and I have not experienced it before (and I have been sexually actively before this moment).

I have no idea how to move forward here. I pray about it, of course. But what I need is some direction. Please, advice welcome from anyone. Especially people who have struggled with lust/shame.

1. How to pray about this? (Verses welcomed)
2. How do you deal with sexual feelings as a single Christian?

I had an experience last week.

Me and my God-fearing date got intimate, in his car, no less.

Needless to say, the level of shame I have is incredible. I am ashamed of what I did and what manifested because of it.

He is very attractive to me, especially mentally. I love his talks. I love his prayers. He is incredibly intelligent and I love that. One night, in his car, he was showing me songs he likes. He put on a throwback ~love~ song and kissed me. He kissed me and put his hands between my legs. I didn’t stop him and truthfully, in that moment, I didn’t want him to. This is part of the shame.

We did *everything* in that car.

Everything.

I went home high as kite off of pure satisfaction. And then I woke up.

Lord, the shame.

How can I do this? How could he? What even happened? The shame was mixed with the sudden intense, obsessive thoughts I began to have about sex, and not just sex in general, but sex with *him*. I think about those moments with him *all day long*. I am lusting for him in terrible way.

It feels like that one moment has unlocked this seedy part of my mind that can’t be controlled. It is disturbing and I have not experienced it before (and I have been sexually actively before this moment).

I have no idea how to move forward here. I pray about it, of course. But what I need is some direction. Please, advice welcome from anyone. Especially people who have struggled with lust/shame.

1. How to pray about this? (Verses welcomed)
2. How do you deal with sexual feelings as a single Christian?

I had an experience last week.

Me and my God-fearing date got intimate, in his car, no less.

Needless to say, the level of shame I have is incredible. I am ashamed of what I did and what manifested because of it.

He is very attractive to me, especially mentally. I love his talks. I love his prayers. He is incredibly intelligent and I love that. One night, in his car, he was showing me songs he likes. He put on a throwback ~love~ song and kissed me. He kissed me and put his hands between my legs. I didn’t stop him and truthfully, in that moment, I didn’t want him to. This is part of the shame.

We did *everything* in that car.

Everything.

I went home high as kite off of pure satisfaction. And then I woke up.

Lord, the shame.

How can I do this? How could he? What even happened? The shame was mixed with the sudden intense, obsessive thoughts I began to have about sex, and not just sex in general, but sex with *him*. I think about those moments with him *all day long*. I am lusting for him in terrible way.

It feels like that one moment has unlocked this seedy part of my mind that can’t be controlled. It is disturbing and I have not experienced it before (and I have been sexually actively before this moment).

I have no idea how to move forward here. I pray about it, of course. But what I need is some direction. Please, advice welcome from anyone. Especially people who have struggled with lust/shame.

1. How to pray about this? (Verses welcomed)
2. How do you deal with sexual feelings as a single Christian?

So you have been sexually active before, but never had this much trouble with sexual fantasies before?

So... It's not the act that bothers you so much as how you are thinking about sex all the time now?

Just trying to clarify what you are going for before we go anywhere else with this.

I had an experience last week.

Me and my God-fearing date got intimate, in his car, no less.

Needless to say, the level of shame I have is incredible. I am ashamed of what I did and what manifested because of it.

He is very attractive to me, especially mentally. I love his talks. I love his prayers. He is incredibly intelligent and I love that. One night, in his car, he was showing me songs he likes. He put on a throwback ~love~ song and kissed me. He kissed me and put his hands between my legs. I didn’t stop him and truthfully, in that moment, I didn’t want him to. This is part of the shame.

We did *everything* in that car.

Everything.

I went home high as kite off of pure satisfaction. And then I woke up.

Lord, the shame.

How can I do this? How could he? What even happened? The shame was mixed with the sudden intense, obsessive thoughts I began to have about sex, and not just sex in general, but sex with *him*. I think about those moments with him *all day long*. I am lusting for him in terrible way.

It feels like that one moment has unlocked this seedy part of my mind that can’t be controlled. It is disturbing and I have not experienced it before (and I have been sexually actively before this moment).

I have no idea how to move forward here. I pray about it, of course. But what I need is some direction. Please, advice welcome from anyone. Especially people who have struggled with lust/shame.

1. How to pray about this? (Verses welcomed)
2. How do you deal with sexual feelings as a single Christian?

As I'm reading your story:

God-fearing date? That seems an odd way to phrase it if the two of you are in any kind of long term relationship; so I have to ask is this a boyfriend / someone you've been dating for a while or was this a first / second date with a guy you'd only known from groups in church? If this guy is getting intimate on the first or second date, what behavioral evidence is there that he's truly a God-fearing man and not someone who has just learned to look spiritual in church?

Have the two of you talked about this yet? If you have an existing relationship and hope to salvage any kind of relationship at all, you need to talk to each other about what happened? If he's a good God fearing guy, he probably feels just as ashamed and appalled by what happened as you do. And if you're going to keep it from happening again, you need to set up plans and boundaries to make sure it doesn't happen again: driving separate, meeting in public places where there are other people around, having a chaperone with you (old fashioned but bring along a 3rd person who knows they're there just for accountability and that's a pretty good way to keep things from going too far).

All of the above is assuming there's a relationship involved there, now for the other possibility: your crush asked you out and seduced you (for lack of a better way of putting it). That's not a God fearing date, that's a poser at best and predator at worst (depending mainly if he planned to do so or just planned to get closer to you (which is what a date is for) and got caught up in the heat of the moment). In that case, find a trusted mentor who can help you work through this episode of being unwise and setup boundaries similar to the above so that it's harder for you to suddenly find yourself in a situation that is likely to turn intimate.

As for the shame and the thoughts, repent and accept forgiveness, and this is one of those things that finding the right person to confess to so that someone knows your shameful secret and still accepts you will go a long way to helping you actually believe you're forgiven and accepted by God. The classic Bible passage for such times is Psalm 51 and I'd also recommend Ephesians 4-5 (specifically 4:17-5:4) for a bracing exhortation on how God's children ought to live. Beyond that I've found the best way to pray when dealing with a crush is for God to work in them and give them all the best he has for their lives; I think it the most loving thing you can do and helps to hold the crush with an open hand as you may not be God's best for that person.

Also give yourself time and grace, do everything you can to not feed the sexual thoughts and lust and it will eventually be weakened by starvation and more manageable, but that includes keeping out of situations that provide an opportunity for it to gorge itself and feast because it will if it gets a chance. This is definitely not the time to put yourself in situations to test your willpower or where overestimating your willpower could lead to a relapse.

Thank you for the thoughtful comment! I appreciate the verses. I will be adding to my morning devotion.

“Beyond that I've found the best way to pray when dealing with a crush is for God to work in them and give them all the best he has for their lives; I think it the most loving thing you can do and helps to hold the crush with an open hand as you may not be God's best for that person.”

That was an interesting perspective, thank you for sharing.

I mentioned he was God-fearing because that’s what drew me to him. I also wanted to provide context that this isn’t a worldly man, I haven’t observed any of his actions as such. I do not judge his behavior in this case because how can I? I consider myself God-fearing and I participated as well.

I am definitely avoiding him now, though. I genuinely don’t think he’s a poser but I’m beginning to think that he probably expects me to be “down” in that way, while still claiming to be faithful. I know there are couples like that, but I am no longer interested in those dynamics. And I hate that this happened. And it makes me sad to think he is one of those types.

I need a mentor but truthfully I am embarrassed. I can’t talk to anyone in real life about this which is why I made an account here. I have a group of women at my church that I speak to, they typically hold me accountable, but we don’t speak about things like this. No one does. I feel very uncomfortable bringing it up to anyone.

I need a mentor but truthfully I am embarrassed. I can’t talk to anyone in real life about this which is why I made an account here. I have a group of women at my church that I speak to, they typically hold me accountable, but we don’t speak about things like this. No one does. I feel very uncomfortable bringing it up to anyone.

I had an experience last week.

Me and my God-fearing date got intimate, in his car, no less.

Needless to say, the level of shame I have is incredible. I am ashamed of what I did and what manifested because of it.

He is very attractive to me, especially mentally. I love his talks. I love his prayers. He is incredibly intelligent and I love that. One night, in his car, he was showing me songs he likes. He put on a throwback ~love~ song and kissed me. He kissed me and put his hands between my legs. I didn’t stop him and truthfully, in that moment, I didn’t want him to. This is part of the shame.

We did *everything* in that car.

Everything.

I went home high as kite off of pure satisfaction. And then I woke up.

Lord, the shame.

How can I do this? How could he? What even happened? The shame was mixed with the sudden intense, obsessive thoughts I began to have about sex, and not just sex in general, but sex with *him*. I think about those moments with him *all day long*. I am lusting for him in terrible way.

It feels like that one moment has unlocked this seedy part of my mind that can’t be controlled. It is disturbing and I have not experienced it before (and I have been sexually actively before this moment).

I have no idea how to move forward here. I pray about it, of course. But what I need is some direction. Please, advice welcome from anyone. Especially people who have struggled with lust/shame.

1. How to pray about this? (Verses welcomed)
2. How do you deal with sexual feelings as a single Christian?

this means obviously...dont get in a car alone with that guy or be alone with him. dont be naive about predators who put on a show of being christian to tempt you into bed with empty promises.