I’m discouraged

Im a spontaneous person who finds plans get in the way of just doing stuff as needed.
God doesnt seem like He plans things out from the get go. Then end goal is always salvation but actually the way of getting there can be varied.

Whether you marry or not does NOT affect your salvation at any point. Jesus was asked about marriages lot but was always non comittal and never urged any of his disciples to marry if they were single. Some of his disciples were already married and they needed salvation as much as anyone else (eg Peter!)

He also didnt place any importance on...Buying a house, having a steady job, looks, having lots of children or indeed ANY of the stuff that seems to concerns people on CC, what they eat, what they wear, politics, vaccines, whether the earth is flat, who the president of the USA is, whether you were homeschooled or not, what type of worship music you like, which Im sure probably had their equivalent back in the day when he was on earth etc.

All these seem to be very narrow, selfish concerns of the pride of life and lust of the flesh. I dont even really know why people seem obsessed with these things on CC. Does it please the Lord at any point these things?

You might just need to find one who is younger than you. Younger women are better suited to older men, in my opinion. Women are often looking for men who are established (which can take quite some years for the man), whereas men are often looking for women who will make good wives/mothers (which can mean they're ready as soon as they're 18 - 20, while older, successful career women are actually less eligible). Also try more traditional cultures - Western culture is very corrupted today, and most people (even many Christians) seem to take the values of society (which seems to take its values straight from the devil). Also, if you want to find a Christian woman, you actually have to look for her. It's the girl's job to get looked for, it's actually the guy's job to find her. With God's help, of course.

I thought of that, but I would feel like a dirty old man lol. People make fun of guys who chase after young women. I don't want family & friends teasing me about that. You see Leonardo DiCaprio getting teased about that all the time. I don't Need that. Plus I wouldn't have anything in common with a woman 20 years younger than me. I do like younger women , but I wouldn't date one. Thanks for the advice though.

What happens is men keep looking for younger women but they keep getting older, so their chances decrease as they age. I've seen this happen as I have male relatives who are now in their 40s who want beautiful young wives who are also wife material.

I agree. That's why I'm still single. The woman I want just don't exist. I'm expecting a 40 something year old virgin to fall out of the sky. That's not going to happen. I want a woman with no past, I'm nuts lol. Some people say I have these rules, so I don't ever get a GF. They say I'm afraid to be in a relationship. I don't think that's true, but I sure don't make it easy to date though. I content for the most part. Maybe one day I will meet a nice Christian woman. You never know.

so are you a 40 year old virgin man with no past? double standard much?

Hypocrisy on this forum doesnt really surprise me.

but YOU passed around a woman...so isnt that hypocritical?

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just want to clarify here.

I've read several of your posts in which it seems like the number one thing you are looking for in a woman is that she is a virgin.

Forgive me if I've missed it, but I haven't really seen you write anything about her potential spiritual state (other than be a Christian,) personality, life experience,hobbies sense of responsibility, etc. Nothing.

Just that your absolute non-negotiable is that she positively MUST be a virgin.

But in this post, you are saying that you're not a virgin... ?!

So how can you demand that in someone else? Is it because you're afraid of being compared to someone else in that way?

I'm just trying to wrap my head around demanding something so wholeheartedly personal that you apparently did not uphold yourself.

To be honest, this is a major reason as to why I'M single -- because so many people are out there insisting on standards for others that they themselves have failed.

May I ask, why would you insist on this in someone else if you didn't insist on it for your own self?

It is starting to sound like that. Like whatever baggage you have, it's caused you to put in impossible standards to try to keep that potential relationship from having any conflict. Conflict and fights are inevitable in a relationship, but putting up such a yes or no standard to weed out 90+% of the otherwise eligible population should keep you from ever being involved in such relational conflicts, or relationships in general.

And I gotta wonder how content you really are if you keep talking about it, those of us who are content in life as a single generally talk about being single little and wanting to be in a relationship even less.

I suspect that one day you will meet a nice Christian woman, but will reject her for having a sexual history (or maybe she'll share your standards and so reject you right off the bat) and so not be in a potentially great relationship.

What are YOU bringing to this equation? You got anything worth a virgin lady?

Do you make a lot of money? Got a big house?

A Viper or Charger ain't gonna cut it. Can you give her a Veyron? A Porsche at least?

You can't give her a virgin man in exchange for her virgin self. What CAN you give her?

I've often said that one of the reasons I don't really actively participate in the "Christian" dating game is because of instances like the one your post reminds me of.

A long time ago, I was on Christian Mingle and a guy there was demanding that because God made men visual, he HAD to have a hot wife. And because of that, he said that the only women qualified to approach him must be former cheerleaders, gymnasts, or models -- or at least look like one -- and that any other woman would simply be wasting his time.

Now, I do have to give him kudos if the picture he was posting of himself was actually him -- because if it was accurate, he was at least 50 pounds overweight and had a very pronounced double chin. So why should HIS prayer for extreme good looks be answered, but yet not for the woman he was seeking?

This ISN'T a knock on anyone struggling with weight. That's a knock on someone who is overweight but demanding only someone who is thin and fit. The situation could be reversed as well. I think it's completely unfair for women to demand that men make a lot of money and pay for everything if they've done nothing to prove themselves financially capable, stable, and responsible. If all they have to offer is a whole lot of debt and the ability to spend money faster than it comes in, what right do they have to ask for a man who can be their own ATM machine?

And so, I always think of these examples when I read about non-virgin men demanding virgin women (and we've had a lot of them doing so here on the forum over the years.)

What if God really DOES have a 40-something virgin woman in mind for you?

So on your end, your prayer looks something like this: "Lord, please send me a virgin woman about my age, and make it so that she accepts the fact that I'm not a virgin myself. I have a past, but please make it so that she doesn't have one but will accept mine without question."

And what if, on her end, her prayer looks something like this? "Lord, please send me a Godly man who has the integrity to have lived out the things he is expecting from me."

So... Which person should have their prayer answered?

And which one should be the one who has to compromise what's most important to them? But then everyone wonders why God hasn't answered their prayers...

I'm certainly not claiming to be perfect but again, that's why I don't see myself as being very active on the dating scene. I don't want to demand things I don't live up to, and I certainly don't want to be around someone who demands things from others but makes pretty grand exceptions for themself.

However... I was thinking after my last post that there CAN be an exception to this -- many people these days lose their virginity due to abuse, in a situation that was not their own choice. If that's your situation, I am very sorry.

But if it was by your own choice, it makes me sad that so many singles seem to want their own sins forgiven and excused while not accepting the situations of others. For instance, as you get to know the people here, you'll find that there are many members of our single community who were abandoned by their spouses against their will.

I understand that we all "want what we want."

But it's also probably the reason WHY so many aren't getting what they want... and yet keep wondering why it's not happening.

I'm reminded of a comedian lady who was talking about breaking up with her boyfriend of 7 years. She said she was allergic to peanuts - if he even breathed in her area after he had eaten any peanuts, she would have to go to the hospital.

A few weeks after the breakup she happened to meet him, and asked "So what's it like being able to eat peanut butter again?"

He said, "Oh man, we should have broken up LONG ago!"

She said she couldn't blame him. Peanut butter is awesome. "There's no way I can compete with that! If you're going to make your man give up peanut butter to be with you, you gotta bring something serious to make up for it. You'd better be pretty open minded in the bedroom, at the very least."

You're right I've talked too much about this already. I will cut back on the relationship talk. I just know what I want. If some think I'm a hypocrite, I've been called worse. Thanks for all the advice & I respect all your opinions.

As I had written earlier, I do understand what it's like to want what we want. Or what we think we want.

I have a good friend who has often told me, "God may not give you what you want, but He'll give you what you need," and I tend to believe that more and more as time goes by.

You don't have to cut back on the relationship talk if you want to.

Trust me, we all receive pushbacks here for our varying opinions and viewpoints.

But Lynx has a valid point -- you've talked at length about what YOU want. What are the things about YOU that will meet what SHE wants? What about her side of the equation?

Maybe that's part of why we're all here -- to hold each other accountable.

Thanks for taking the time to answer.

To be honest I find the vast majority of non-Christian guys to be less hypocritical...many of them are fine with marrying the girl they sleep with on the first few days if both are compatible/love eachother.

bro thats because were living in a cursed creation among many other reasons

Lol. I think 7 - 10 years is pretty common. Even 15 years for some, depending on circumstances. But certainly I understand one not wanting to bite off more than one can chew.