I wish GOD had made match making easier and not guess work

I remember when I went to a Christian middle school for one year, little Jimmie, who had just been broken up with, said something like, "Why is God giving me these feelings?" He blamed God for falling for the stout girl with short hair who sat in the back across the room.

But we also get feelings when we look, and then think about the person, then look again. There are ways to nip this in the bud. Blaming it all on God doesn't solve anything.

And the US kind of has a messed up dating culture. Many cultures historically have had some variety of arranged marriage, at least as an option. Even now, some have that mixed to some degree with dating, and sometimes blind dating. The US and some wester cultures offer individuals who don't match up through dating little help.

Huh?

If looking at a woman to lust after her is committing adultery in one's heart, how does one deficate in one's own heart?

I just think of the verse, 'Ye are not straightened in us. Ye are straightened in your own bowels."

I think he meant dedicate. Its a typo.

Well maybe there is still hope for Oyster and Johnboy!

Ouch!

I can't decide if this thread is funny or sad. Let's take a poll!

A fisherman would tell you to try a different lure. Not all bass like worms, you know.

Actually in most cultures the children choose their spouses while in single digits...they make their choices based on sub-cultural sects.

I ran into a 9 year old boy who already had chosen a girl to be his wife...and it was generally assumed by everyone that one day they would be married. Of course everyone understood that life happens and the nuptials might not happen either.
Both were of similar age and Christian Slovaks...not a large pool to choose from. So the kids decided that they would be married one day. And behaved as such.
The parents are not subject to moving to chase after careers as is common here in America or the UK.

That's how it works elsewhere...

Brazil is somewhat different...the girls chase the guys there...and the guys end up indifferent towards the women.

Most cultures? I don't know if that is still the case. The global 'westernized' culture has spread quite a bit. I have lived in a couple of Asian countries, in cities. There were soft versions of arranged marries-- soft where the marrying couple could turn it down-- going on in the background there, and maybe in the villages. In Indonesia, a maid who went to my church who had come to faith in Christ faced pressure from her father who was trying to match her up with a Muslim man in the village. Young women from my wife's father's village who went to college could match up with boyfriends they met through dating there, and they started arranging marriages if they got a little up in years, though I heard my wife's cousin was kind of set up. My wife was surprised because she was pretty, and could find a man. The woman died relatively young, too a few years back.

I don't know who would count, but it is possible most people-groups still have some arranged marriage customs that are in practice while the majority of the world may generally match up through more modern dating practices. Many people-groups have small numbers, and larger people-groups may live more in the cities where dating is more common.

Dating can also be different from how it is in the US. In South Korea, going on a blind date with the third wheel who is matching you up is common. I got set up on one once without realizing it.

Is arranged marriage common among this people group? It's interesting that that survived.

I met a couple who are probably in their 50's, maybe late 50's. They both migrated to the US from Cuba. The man's parents mentioned a girl they wanted to set him up with. I don't think it was exactly an arranged marriage. Maybe it was. But the man went to a party and met this young woman who had just arrived from Cuba, and he really hit it off with. They ended up shaking up together. It turned out it was the same girl his parents wanted to match him up with. But the parents were upset that they had moved in together. Neither of them were believers, and Communist atheism had damaged the sexual morals of Cuba also. But they both eventually became Christians.

Why don't you go down to Brazil, attend church, and let a girl catch you? If she's pretty and sweet, you could run really, really slow.

'Dedicate' didn't come to mind, so I didn't know what he meant to type.

I think He did ... marriages were arranged.

I didn't think of a match as being a 'good match' when I was looking.

I cared if she was a believer, serious about her faith, had good character, her looks, weight, etc. appealed to me, and I liked her personality... and she was a virgin with no tattoos. I suppose if I did not fit what she was looking for, we were not a 'good match.'

I had a friend who was very tall, dating a girl who was not, and he was concerned if they looked strange walking down the street. He wanted to know if they looked good together. I remember thinking I did not care at all how I looked with a girl. I just cared how she looked. I wouldn't have wanted to date a girl taller than me. I am under 6 feet, but girls taller than I am are still rare.

Later on in my search, I was praying for God to match me up with a specific woman He had for me, to send an angel before me to find a wife for me (based on the story about Isaac) and things like that. But I still wanted a pretty Christian virgin and was praying for that.

I suppose the hard part is finding out the stuff that isn't on the surface. You can see looks-- the face at least. I suppose a woman could be wearing a spandex corset type thing or have a wooden leg, and maybe looks can be buried under make-up applied with skill. Some of the character, personality, psychological, etc. issues may not be a little harder to uncover.

You kind of have to take their word for virginity if that is an issue, or on sexual history if she is not a virgin. If you marry a widow who said she'd only been with her husband, you also only have her word for that. I would not have wanted to marry a woman who'd become 'one flesh' with someone who was still alive. I would also imagine bumping into boyfriends or hookup she's slept with could be awkward. I also have this idea that it would probably be less of a big deal to someone who'd slept around a lot before marriage to fall into adultery after marriage, and that this would apply to men as well as to women. I realize Christ can redeem and transform people, but I did not interpret that as a command to mean, 'thou shalt marry a nonvirgin.' back when I was a virgin myself.

I have also read that when men are surveyed about which women they find the most attractive, they choose pictures of women in their 20's. When women are asked, they tend to choose a man about their own age or slightly older. So the 50-year-old woman chooses a picture of a 50-ish man she finds attractive and the 50-year-old man chooses a picture of a 20-something pretty girl. Young women who like older men are a minority. Are you wanting to have children? What age range are you looking for?

Have you tried a matchmaker from a culture that has matchmaking? I mentioned I met a man who asked a Korean pastor in the US about single available women in the church and got matched up that way. There are some Asian cultures that have matchmakers or where family and friends set people up. There might be some other cultures as well. Have you tried something outside of the US dating environment?

Is there a website for Christian widows? That might be another alternative.

yes brother that’s obvious what I was saying was maybe Gods Will for you is different from what you want

dedicate

yes in the ot daughters were also sold to to marry treated very much like property.

it’s pretty astounding how different things are from the ot times it was never about falling in love

I’m not sure marriage is ever or was ever about falling in love in the Bible they seemed to be more concerned with creating hiers to inherit thier property

I am 60 years old and I have never been married which I kind of do not trust marriage in today's society.

This is not Little House on the Prairie anymore.

There is a lot of people who say they are a Christian that have been married 2 or more times.

Somebody is not led of the Spirit if not both of them.

But I like freedom and never liked marriage because I feel like a bird in a cage and I like to get up and do what I want.

I could be married for 2 or 3 days a week though but that would not work and not be right for you have to dedicate yourself to your spouse.

Or I could be married when I am 80 years old for then I will not feel like doing much anyway.

I do not like marriage and most likely she will only get on my nerves because of the way many people act today and talk today whether they claim to be a Christian or not.

Are you sure the problem is not you and you are overbearing with women as if to smoother and suffocate and get on their nerves and pester them and bother them and push them too much and irritate them and try to grab them too much and smell their hair like Joe Biden.

I am only kidding.

But I know some people just cannot understand that the fault might be them and then they say why does God not give me a mate.

The thing with marriage today is you do not know what you are getting and are taking a risk compared to years ago where they knew basically what they were getting for it was part of the norm at one time but not now.

Now it is all about fighting and exalting yourself in todays world which take Christians websites that belittle each other and act sarcastic with each other so you know the world is crazy.

So the odds are not good whether you marry a Christian or someone of the world.

It is like playing the lottery or the Roulette wheel, ok not as bad as a Roulette wheel but close to it, lol.

If that's the case, then why don't we do that. That much silver isn't a lot of money in today's culture.

Many cultures have some kind of dowry or bride price. English, and to some extent American, culture still has a customer of the bride's father paying for the wedding. Some cultures put that on the man, and some cultures have exchanges of gifts. I know one people-group where the bride buys the man with gold, but I hear they may give the gold back behind the scenes and just go through the ritual as a tradition in some cases.

Jewish culture, at least, required bridal consent. Rebecca had agreed to marry Isaac, as a Biblical example.

There are references to these types of feelings in the Bible. Amnon had a kind of 'love'-- bad agape we could say if we look at the LXX-- for his own sister. There is Samson and the Philistine woman, and Micah and David.... these aren't the best examples. Solomon and the Shulamite. Isaac loved Rebecca. It was an arranged marriage, but he loved her deeply. God His hand in the arranging.

The Bible says 'Husbands love your wives.' It doesn't say, 'Only marry a woman if you are in love with her.' or 'Stay married to her as long as you are in love with her.' ---two ideas from modern culture.

I wanted to have feelings for the woman I married. I wasn't raised in an arranged marriage culture, and that would have been weird to me. But I can see the benefits of some people, even from our non-arranged marriage culture, possibly getting some help getting set up with someone, and maybe a nudge from parents here and there.

The other one was funnier.