Be honest with me, am I going to hell forever or not?

No, not maybe . He does. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.

But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. (heb 11:6)

See, believing in his goodness and goodwill towards you, is just as important as believing he exists.

The holy spirit left me months ago like months ago I feel so numb no remorse no conviction no guilt no worries no fear no nothing like a zombie n yet I kept sinning more wen he try 2 give me a dream it's a done deal

It looks like my advice to the OP applies to you also:

1. Have you started taking my advice, reading Ephesians (like every day for the next month)?

2. Many of us have what is called "a wilderness experience" (analogous to the book of Numbers), where God seems far away and silent, in which God tests our faith. Real faith endures, because therein does a person trust God regardless of how they feel. Faith is more than feeling, more than imagination, and more than even knowledge. If you understand God is a God of promise, then trusting Him through any situation is faith.

3. I've had times of silence from God on issues important to me, and yet God has spoken to me answers to prayers I never asked. Usually those are times of correction.

4. I recommend to abandon faith in your feelings about God, and start trusting more in His word.
What do you think about this?

I understand that those who blaspheme the Holy Spirit do not want people to be saved that no matter good people or bad people.

I still believe that this may not work. I believed that I must have messed up my chances of getting into heaven forever. But I heard good advice: wether or not I am doomed to hell, continue to serve Christ and warn others not to make the same mistakes like me.

I used to love God with my whole heart. I saw and experienced the power of the Holy Spirit very strongly in the church. When I was 14, I first heard about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I never gave it much thought until later kept on thinking about it. I looked up the verses and it spoke about what the pharisees said about Jesus Christ. I kept having these thoughts in my head and I didn't want to really do it. It sucks badly. One day, I was having these thoughts and I had some doubts and I actually believed one of these blasphemous thoughts about what the pharisees said about Jesus's miracles when they accused him of demonic power and I tried to rebuke it from my heart but it was too late. I tried to come to Christ and repent several times but nothing happened. No heart conversion or conviction of my wrongdoings. I hate myself. I just wished that I never heard about the unpardonable sin. It seems too late and I don't know what to do next.

Would you provide evidence - preferably biblically - for this assertion?

Few things come to mind.
1. The situation with the pharisees was quite different. They were in a position to directly witness the power of God in Jesus's miracles, and they made a very public charge against Jesus's ministry of healing and exorcism. Not comparable to a momentary private thought.
2. Even then, it's far from clear to me from the text that even these pharisees had actually committed the kind of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit that Jesus referred to. It would perhaps make sense to think that Jesus was warning them rather than saying they had already committed it.
3. The power of Christ's atoning work is amazing beyond our comprehension. The idea that a momentary blasphemous thought about the Holy Spirit would forever remove that from a person just seems very implausible. Especially because it seems rather common that people occasionally think all kinds of weird thoughts, and our thoughts don't even seem to be completely in our direct conscious control (see Intrusive Thoughts (Wikipedia).
4. While emotions may be the spice of life in general, they are not any inerrant guide to our spiritual status. Expecting to always have the same kind of emotional reactions that can be used to gauge one's acceptance (or lack thereof) by God can be very tricky and needlessly anxiety-inducing.

No, thoughts and beliefs are two different things. There was a time in my life at age 14 after hearing about the unforgivable sin, I believed the lie of the pharisees when they said that Jesus has a demonic spirit and it's too late for me. I tried to stop that from happening but everything happened so fast.

The "I tried to stop that from happening but everything happened so fast" part makes me think that this may not have been exactly what one would typically call a belief. Can you really "stop a belief" like that? I wouldn't necessarily draw as hard a distinction between "beliefs" that occur very briefly and can be actively stopped vs just thoughts.

But it was a belief and I really messed up. I didn't mean to. It's tough to explain all of this. I just wish that I never heard of this sin.

1. Can you describe in detail what you mean by believing the lie of the pharisees? (I assume you mean that you actually believed that Jesus' miracles were of the devil). What exactly did that entail? What do you mean by "belief"?

2. And, do you still believe that "lie," or are you now convinced it's a lie?

1. Well, yes I mean exactly that but that happened at age 14 at the time.

2. No, I don't believe that anymore.

However, I feel like even though I don't believe that anymore, the damage has been done already for my eternal status with God.

1. Well, yes I mean exactly that but that happened at age 14 at the time.

2. No, I don't believe that anymore.

However, I feel like even though I don't believe that anymore, the damage has been done already for my eternal status with God.

You need to learn how to separate your past sins from your present identity. Your past sins only make who you are if you are not willing to trust God to make you His. Since you don't believe that nonsense any more, why let that define your relationship with God you can have now?

Granted, there are some sins God won't forgive IN THIS LIFE ONLY. Such as: Moses acting in anger, and God didn't let him into the promised land, but he did make it to paradise, as shown by the fact that he spoke with Jesus. But that has to do with consequences of sin in this life, which should not be extrapolated to eternity. Another example is that King David didn't get to build the temple because he shed much blood in his life. Nevertheless, he was known as a man after God's own heart.

I also got the idea that God didn't let me have romance in this life because of past perversions I committed. I have to let that be ok, and understand that's a consequence in this life. But I have to separate that from my eternal relationship with God and trust that His promise to keep me in His care will prevail in the resurrection.

The idea is to stop living in the past, and redefine our relationship with God in the now by following Jesus' words. If we trust that Jesus saves us from the eternal penalty of sin, and that He delivers us from present temptations, then we belong to Christ, and should be declaring our identity as God's sons.

So like I said before, my recommendation is to pay less attention to feelings and more attention to what scripture teaches. I also recommend memorizing pertinent scriptures to use as a weapon against "the firey darts of the evil one." If you accept God's promise to forgive you for Jesus' sake, then guilty feelings start to become a strategy of the devil to keep you down.

If that were the case you wouldn't be concerned with it now.

When those fears arise you need but one answer: "Get thee behind me, satan!". THAT is who is sowing doubt. And he only attacks those he fears.

You said "If that were the case you wouldn't be concerned with it now." What do you mean by that? I still feel screwed because I don't have the conviction that leads unto repentance.

As I said, I understand what the Bible says about God's grace and mercy but according to what I did many years ago at the age of 14 as a kid, I feel like the damage has been done already and there's no hope. It's tough for me to move on and I truly feel damned. I think my life would have been better if I never heard of the unforgivable sin.