My wife is having a breakdown

What do you mean he want tell you why? Did you ask him?

Curious to know how Larry, you, and your wife Nancy are doing in regards to this issue.

Also, I do not recall you saying whether Larry's ileostomy is temporary?

I lost my mom May 2019. Sorry for your loss and will pray for resolution regarding your brother Larry.

Is Larry home yet? Any complications from/following his reversal?

My Brother Larry is at home from Colon Surgery with the bag.
My Wife and me are changing the bag. This has been stressful on both of us.
We want Larry to change his own bag. He refuses to do it.

He is home and taking daily walks. He is unable to do anything around the house.

Why is that? It's been two months since his reversal. Is he receiving wound care?

Thanks for praying for him.

Why are you allowing his childish behavior to terrorize your wife and manipulate you? Larry should be counting his blessings for the life-saving surgery he has had, and consider the bag his temporary friend, not to mention being more grateful to you and your wife for taking him in in the first place, without putting too much responsibility on you. Does he at least empty it by himself? Does he rinse it out after emptying before closing it up again? Since you are allowing him to call the shots, I wonder if he is laying down or at least reclined when you change his bag, and also how often you change it. Do you use adhesive removers and skin prep powder? I wonder too if he could get some kind of medical counselling and extra guidance around this. There really is no legitimate reason for Larry not to change his own bag himself if he is physically capable. Otherwise it is purely a phycological hindrance, and an extra unnecessary burden on you and your wife.

Ouch. That was painful to read. We need to have compassion and empathy. The man is the one with the bag. He's been through something traumatic and some people suffer worse than others. You do not know Larry or his situation. Saying things like 'terrorise' and 'manipulate' and 'childish behaviour' are total guesses, slanders, and there should be no place for such cold talk in a Christian forum.
We as Christians grow through our suffering. James 1. We should count it as joy.

No we neither know the person or his exact situation but when my daughter was 21 years old due to radiation (intended to shrink an inoperable tumor) destroyed her internals and she had to have surgeries and ended up with double nephrostomy (one for each kidney) and a colostomy (for stool).

The mental aspect of this for a beautiful young married woman was devastating... She used to cry because of it.

But she changed everything herself, even in the hospital. It just took more time than before to "use the bathroom" since it was all about draining and changing bags.

She did it in horrible pain, sick with chemo and radiation, in tears because of the mental aspect . But she did it. Not anyone else.

I would sit in the bathroom with her when she was at her sickest, but she wouldn't even let me help, I was just company.

She ended up after all that dying anyway, but she was strong and did it all in the hope of living for her babies (of which she had two).

So it's very difficult to conceive of someone who won't take care of themselves when they have the ability.

You do not know Larry or his situation.