For the Men: Would You Choose Single Fatherhood Over Abortion if Given the Choice?

No I didn't. You just made that up.


No one said it was. You made it up. Though I didn't say anything close to that, I also didn't say I was giving advice.

Because you seemed to be on the offence, and also keep assuming a bunch of things that aren't true. The most recent being the shouting match you made up. Usually when people are emotional they tend to act this way. Though how I responded was more snippy than helpful and I'm sorry for that. I was confused when you were imputing things to me.


Well the first false assumption was that you implied my response contained anything that suggested I was saying that I would not follow the laws of the land. You also seemed to suggest it is possible the OP isn't who she says. You're accusing and again... seeming to be on the offense. You made more, in your most recent post I am replying to now.


Why do you assume I suggested I could stop it legally? That is another example of one of your false assumptions.





I believe this comes down to semantics and you not liking the words I chose.


I would not step back, nor would I break the law.

You may try to make more assumptions about my stance, but that would surely show you just wanted to argue in my personal opinion.


I hope you never have to step back or see your child perish. I also hope if you get married your wife loves the child with all her heart.

If I'm in that situation, I fight with everything I have to keep my boy or girl alive. It's a moral obligation.

On that note, I'm seeing on this site lately is a lack of appreciation for norms and moral obligations. We are told to go forth and sin no more. If we love Him, we obey His commandments. Etc, etc, etc. That means we button up, grow a hide, and accept the fact that past hurts do not justify present and future evils.

The key, gentlemen, is avoiding this scenario to begin with and it's fairly easy- marry a woman who doesn't consider abortion an option and only have sex with her. But if you slip grievously (not to mention stupidly given all the contraceptive measures available today), you take responsibility and raise your child to be a better man than you.

I do not do out of context nonsense, good luck. Ask for reply when you want it. Bye.

I couldn't see letting someone I was with kill our child. I'd rather raise them alone than allow that.
I would Not grant visitation to the mother though. If she didn't want the child, and to take care of them she doesn't deserve to see them if someone else agrees to take care of them.

I would also not seek financial help from the mother. They did not want the financial (and other) responsibilities of having them, so I'd not make them pay. In my eyes the mother would simply not be the mother.
Also I would not want to give her any excuse to think she has a right to step in whenever she feels like it.


As far as adoption it's never been anything I felt drawn to. Well, once it was, but I was a teen. I was volunteer at a camp for abused kids. One little girl stood out and by the time we left I wanted to adopt her. I actually spoke to my parents about it.
I have enough of my own problems that I've worried that even taking care of my own kids (had I ever had them) worried me at times. So taking on the responsibility of taking on kids with so many problems feels unwise.
Perhaps if I didn't have mental health issues of my own I may have been more open to the idea.

This was a beautiful post, Desdichado. Thank you for taking the time to write this.

I have a friend whose life took a few wrong turns, and he fought the mother of his child from within the prison system to be able to see and support his child. The first thing he did when he got out was to get 2 jobs in order to offer financial support. By that time the child was old enough to make their own decisions, and wanted their father to be a part of their life and he allowed the child to initiate contact.

He is one of the manliest men I know, as he owns up to every wrong decision and responsibility and always tries to do better (even though is own father rejected and abandoned him.)

As far as the legal issues go, I've often thought about the fact as Christians, we don't depend upon the law as the final say. After all, God knew that even when established, humans would fail to obey laws.

I'm always the type of person who is looking for social and legal loopholes around policies that promote evil. And even if abortion was completely abolished, then we have the problem of who is going to care for all of the resulting children, and I never seem to hear any of the activists talking about that.

This is why it's important for me (just stating my own personal choice) to support the adoption agency I was adopted through. Their sponsorship program supports keeping children with their families if at all possible by providing tangible aid such as food, job training, schooling, and care. They set individual goals for the family, and when the goals are met, they move on to the next child, so it's not a lifetime handout, but has a very specific purpose.

If we as Christians could teach people to love and value their children, then create communities in which people knew they would have a reliable support network and that they wouldn't be alone (providing food, childcare, help with medical costs, etc.) I believe we could save millions of children.

Then let the lawmakers could pass as many abortion laws as they wanted.

What good would laws allowing abortion be if we could change the social atmosphere into one in which there wasn't anyone who wanted an abortion?

Very well said sir!

I vouch for my sista from anotha mista ♡♡♡ IF...... I'm who I say I am

If I were in a relationship and slipped up and got pregnant and the father suggested an abortion, I would be horrified and would end the relationship. I couldnt stay with someone that wanted me to kill our child.

I would choose to be "inconvenienced" over murdering a baby under any circumstance.

Nice discussions going on here, props to @seoulsearch

I just wanted to say two things:

1. I saw this video the other day on YouTube of a man literally crying and begging his gf/partner outside the abortion clinic to not abort their baby. It broke my heart. Seeing this adult man sob and scream and beg for his unborn. He was in tears and broken.

2. I want to take this discussion further and ask; what would you do if you were in a situation where the woman was raped and fell pregnant as a result. Would you help raise the baby if she decided to keep it? Would you stay with her?

This is taken from a true story btw. One of my friends. She was raped at 13 and had baby at 14 - she was brave and kept baby knowing that one day baby will ask her questions about where she’s from etc. It was a hard decision to make especially at that age.

This is an interesting hypothetical.

If you're not married, you do have the option to leave. It may be the wisest decision if you think you just met her and are unprepared to be a father.

If you're married or in one of these modern long-term relationships, the only good option is to stay. Yes, I would stay with her.

But there is very little gray area in between here. Arguing for putting the baby up for adoption with a woman dead set on keeping a baby is only going to cause more pain unless she is unusually submissive (if that's the case, then by all means).

Abortion is never an option.

As for me, I'd keep the kid...I think. If I am under considerable financial strain and she is persuadable, I'd put him up for adoption.

That is definitely a tough situation. But I know that abortion would never be an option for me, nor would it be what my husband would want. I think I would opt for adoption over keeping it. I would be afraid that either one of us or both my husband and I wouldn't be able to fully love the child as if it were both of ours. I don't know that it would be worth the risk of depriving it of the love it deserves, especially since there are so many couples that WOULD be able to love it the way it needs. And especially around here, there are so many people who either are connected with adoption agencies or would personally take it.

wow not many men seem to take any responisbility on this thread..

I was watching Friends and got up to the part where Rachel has her baby (Ross is the father). Here is no question that she will have the baby, but she and Ross are not married so she doesnt stay with him and decides to be a single mother. Ross doesnt want to marry Rachel AGAIN but offers to look after the child. He supports her but she finds living with him a drag. On tv, its definitely portrayed as Rachels decision to tell or not tell Ross, and even that she wa the once who seduced Ross into sleeping with her. He gets angry about the condoms not working but after that he seems ok with the pregnancy.

In real life, I think someone like Rachel might have faced choices like

When she knows shes pregnant, or suspects, wouldnt she go take the morning after pill?
if her job was NOT going well, would she have considered abortion or been pressured into it if she was a lot younger by her parents
or...just not tell the father, or if she was sleeping with several guys, just tell the one that she WANTEd to be the father.

or as happens a lot on soap operas, has a miscarriage.


I dont know. But this issue doesnt go away. Emma grows up and everyone else knows shes illegitmate and the product of a one night stand and a bottle of merlot but they dont say anything to her about it...maybe she will find out when she grows up.

anyway, I was reading recently about Jane Roe and her child that was the centre of the abortion law change in the USA.

https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2021/09/jane-roe-v-wade-baby-norma-mccorvey/620009/

Her baby got adopted out but her daughter never really wanted to meet her birth mother who supoosedly wanted to abort her. In her case, she never told the father as he had split and had nothing to do with the child and probably never knew as she had no way of contacting him. Apparnetly he was one of those intinerant gambler type guys. Here today, gone tomorrow.

however she lied under oath and said she was raped by some black guys to try and overurn the abortion law. the lawyers trying to push for abortion were female and the men did nothing to stop them.

In the Bible, I think it is Tamar that sleeps with Judah (her father in law!) and has his child, but she does it by playing a prostitute, and she keeps the child, which he seemed to want anyway.

when David sleeps with Bathsheba and she falls pregnant, he gets Uriah killed, but their baby does not survive (only lives one day) however he DOES marry her. They go on to have Solomon.

I always wondered what about Davids other wives...Abigail, Michal, etc?

Interesting when Mary has a baby outside of wedlock the angels rush to tell Joseph not to divorce/break off his engagement to Mary even though the baby is not his own.

Great guy Joseph. Everyone was wanting to kill Jesus...King Herod ordered everyone under 2 to be killed in Bethlehem cos he couldnt handle it.

Rape? Would not stop me from raising the child as my own still. No doubt there would be some tough issues to work through, but I think it would be worth it in the long run.

A child doesn't have to physically come from you to be yours. Case in point, my father. He didn't hesitate to marry a woman (my mother) with 3 young kids (my half siblings). Just today, at 54 years old, I heard my half sister complain that paperwork she received listed my dad as her step father. This upset her as she sees him as her father, not step father.
There are biological fathers that don't earn that kind of love and connection with their children.

A woman has a right to choose.

There are two outcomes when a mother gives birth,

Option [1] She willingly wanted this child, and she will love it and care for it.
Option [2] She was forced to have this child because our government forces her to.

In Option [2] she did not want this child and resents our government forcing her to have it. This resentment is passed on to the child. The child grows up with a mother that hates this child. She focuses all her anger at the child and this child grows up unwanted.

Which child has a better chance of growing up wilt compassion and love in their heart; [1] or [2] - ?

-

please tell me why you chose what you chose
-