Dating non Christians

The Bible calls us to not be unequally yoked. My question to everyone is how do you explain to non Christian as to the reason why you won't allow yourself to date them. I refrained from saying can't because of free will.

I recently have had the pleasure of trying to explain to a man pursuing me all of this. He couldn't understand why I don't date ( I am waiting to be courted) or why I refer to myself as someone's future wife and not girlfriend. He couldn't understand why I was abstaining from sex because I have two children ( prior to being saved).

It's been really frustrating because he's a very nice man but he doesn't understand my relationship with God and my love of Jesus Christ. That comes above all else.

Any advice will help.

1 Corinthians 1:18
For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.

It's definitely not worth the risk.

He couldn't understand why I don't date ( I am waiting to be courted).

Virtuously_CEE, can you give us a little about what be courted is?

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Virtuously_CEE, can you give us a little about what be courted is?

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Simply put, courting only has one outcome and that is marriage. Courting in other words dating with intent to marry. The is actively seeking that one woman with intent to marry. The families are aware as well as church leaders.

It's a bit old fashioned but I feel like it's the safest route to go. Unless you want to get married you shouldn't date because it can potentially open the door to sexual sin. Courting also allows for the individuals involved to focus on getting to know one another because they are already aware of the desired outcome and are in agreement.

Unlike dating where everything is just confusing and the intent may not be clear or truthful.

I hope that explanation helps.

It begs the question of how does one get from the perfect strangers stage to the I think this is someone I could consider marrying stage without spending the kind of time together that looks an awful lot like dating? I agree with a lot of what you're getting at with your distinction in terms ( both parties should be in agreement about the purpose of the relationship, trusted family or spiritual advisors should be involved and have opportunity to give you a more unbiased opinion of the other party than you're likely to have in the throes of infatuation) but I kind of lived through the downside of the courtship / purity movement which is that asking someone out on a first date can take on the weight and significance of a kind of pre-proposal. At what point does dating with the intent to find someone to marry turn into trying to decide to marry this one specific person or not?

One thing my generation seems to have gotten rather wrong is we've almost erased the distinction between going on a single no strings attached event date with someone and "dating" someone exclusively. And in doing so we've also kind of removed our opportunity to spend time with a broad pool of people socially as part of the selection process of who to get serious with (which many of the more traditional courting cultures have had built in, like the balls in Jane Austen stories). While I'm awfully greatful to live in a time where I have a lot of good options to choose from to support myself as a single female, I do think that women moving out into the workforce and other aspects of public life has blurred many of the boundaries that made dating and courtship so clear in previous generations (where a man seeking to talk to a woman pretty much must be interested in her because there were no other relational options). Unfortunately, my best solution to the difficulty has been to just say it's too complicated, I think I'll sit this aspect of life out because it doesn't seem worth it.

You're absolutely correct. That's why they have young adult and adult mixers at church so you can familiarize yourself with other singles and then move forward from there.

If your church does this and has a large enough population of older adult singles to do this then you are very blessed in the church you've found. Most of us in churches find that other singles are few and far between and events for them are practically non-existent. But I have found being single dog mom a difficult enough challenge so I've got nothing but respect for single parents of human children and will be happy for any extra support you have in a good church.

Simply put, courting only has one outcome and that is marriage. Courting in other words dating with intent to marry. The is actively seeking that one woman with intent to marry. The families are aware as well as church leaders.

It's a bit old fashioned but I feel like it's the safest route to go. Unless you want to get married you shouldn't date because it can potentially open the door to sexual sin. Courting also allows for the individuals involved to focus on getting to know one another because they are already aware of the desired outcome and are in agreement.

Unlike dating where everything is just confusing and the intent may not be clear or truthful.

I hope that explanation helps.

I understand the distinction, but how does one determine whether the other person is a worthy candidate or a good fit without getting to know them first? I would refuse to “court” a woman about whom I knew nothing but her name and outward appearance. “Hi… my name is (x). Let’s get married, and learn about each other in between now and then.” Um, no.

No you wouldn't court a stranger. I think there is a misunderstanding in my post. I go on dates but I don't date. I don't have boyfriend's or commit to long term or casual relationships. From my experience this opens the door for sexual sin and the consequences that follow. I don't know anyone yet alone a Christian who can say they successfully had a long term relationship as an adult and was able to remain chaste. I'm talking about being together for like 2-3 years or more.

I personally wait until after 6mths of going on dates with someone and getting to know them to access where it's headed. This would be the point where an agreement to court or comes into play. The couple agrees that they want to move forward and seek marriage so they begin to introduce each other to family and friends. They may attend church together and even go to counseling for couples. If everything goes well, an engagement will ensue and then marriage.

The opposite of this would be to agree to date someone monogamously but marriage isn't the goal, companionship is. It's so much that could go wrong especially for a Christian if not careful. The desires of the flesh are real.

It may take a few attempts until you meet the right person to enter into a period of courtship with. In my opinion you won't waste you time this way or be vulnerable to sin because your conforming to the ways of the world and not God.

No you wouldn't court a stranger. I think there is a misunderstanding in my post. I go on dates but I don't date. I don't have boyfriend's or commit to long term or casual relationships. From my experience this opens the door for sexual sin and the consequences that follow. I don't know anyone yet alone a Christian who can say they successfully had a long term relationship as an adult and was able to remain chaste. I'm talking about being together for like 2-3 years or more.

I personally wait until after 6mths of going on dates with someone and getting to know them to access where it's headed. This would be the point where an agreement to court or comes into play. The couple agrees that they want to move forward and seek marriage so they begin to introduce each other to family and friends. They may attend church together and even go to counseling for couples. If everything goes well, an engagement will ensue and then marriage.

The opposite of this would be to agree to date someone monogamously but marriage isn't the goal, companionship is. It's so much that could go wrong especially for a Christian if not careful. The desires of the flesh are real.

It may take a few attempts until you meet the right person to enter into a period of courtship with. In my opinion you won't waste you time this way or be vulnerable to sin because your conforming to the ways of the world and not God.