Finding Jesus

Hi guys!

I'm currently 17 years old and about 3 months ago truly found Christ. I went to a Christian primary school, but my parents were never religious, a Christian secondary school and I am currently in a Christian college. Religion has always been a big part of my life and about last year, I would start praying every night. It was never a "good prayer". It would always be saying like "Thanks for my friends, I'm sorry for my sins, please can this happen to me". It was selfish praying. I would still sin quite a lot, too. However, something changed about 2-3 months ago. I picked up my Bible (the only Bible in my house is this small red Bible I got when I was 11 and it is only the new testament. I really need a new one!) and started reading. I became more consistent with my prayers, I started following Christian Instagram accounts, I listen to some Christian-based music (I need to fix this about myself because whenever I do listen to it, it makes me feel great but I always choose secular music, instead) and I started noticing things I wouldn't have earlier in my life. When something happens that is wrong, getting feelings inside me when I pray, noticing more and more etc. I remember I was doing an exam I was stressed about, I prayed to God many times beforehand and it was a dark and gloomy day. 20 minutes left, as I was about to give up, the sun came through my window. I had a new lease of life. I finished the exam and was just over the moon with glee and joy because my connection with God in that moment was immense.
However, as I write this, something has been playing at the back of my mind. I keep getting the idea that me saying "Jesus does not exist" sounds true. It angers me because I'm not sure what has changed for me to think this. I think it must be the devil or it might be God testing me but something is there telling me He doesn't exist. I am still praying every night and I try to every morning before I do anything. I haven't been reading my Bible as much the last couple of nights but I always will attempt. I am repenting for my sins, I am realising when I have done something wrong and I know I should repent. But I still keep getting this thought that Jesus isn't real and I don't know what to do.
I thought I would come to this forum to talk about it because I don't know too many Christians in my personal life and I feel that maybe I can get a lot of different views and ideas on this matter.
Please, any response would be appreciated.

-Charlie Zeal

Wow! Thank you so much for your reply, it means a great deal to me! Despite all of this, I still pray each morning and each night, I still try to read my Bible each night. I will outgrow the devil. No weapon formed against me shall prosper.
War on the Saints. I'll give it a look! Never heard of it, nor the writer. Thank you.
And, if I remember correctly, I am currently on John right now but I would need to double check.
Thank you so much for your answer and God bless!

-Charlie Zeal

Hi guys!

I'm currently 17 years old and about 3 months ago truly found Christ. I went to a Christian primary school, but my parents were never religious, a Christian secondary school and I am currently in a Christian college. Religion has always been a big part of my life and about last year, I would start praying every night. It was never a "good prayer". It would always be saying like "Thanks for my friends, I'm sorry for my sins, please can this happen to me". It was selfish praying. I would still sin quite a lot, too. However, something changed about 2-3 months ago. I picked up my Bible (the only Bible in my house is this small red Bible I got when I was 11 and it is only the new testament. I really need a new one!) and started reading. I became more consistent with my prayers, I started following Christian Instagram accounts, I listen to some Christian-based music (I need to fix this about myself because whenever I do listen to it, it makes me feel great but I always choose secular music, instead) and I started noticing things I wouldn't have earlier in my life. When something happens that is wrong, getting feelings inside me when I pray, noticing more and more etc. I remember I was doing an exam I was stressed about, I prayed to God many times beforehand and it was a dark and gloomy day. 20 minutes left, as I was about to give up, the sun came through my window. I had a new lease of life. I finished the exam and was just over the moon with glee and joy because my connection with God in that moment was immense.
However, as I write this, something has been playing at the back of my mind. I keep getting the idea that me saying "Jesus does not exist" sounds true. It angers me because I'm not sure what has changed for me to think this. I think it must be the devil or it might be God testing me but something is there telling me He doesn't exist. I am still praying every night and I try to every morning before I do anything. I haven't been reading my Bible as much the last couple of nights but I always will attempt. I am repenting for my sins, I am realising when I have done something wrong and I know I should repent. But I still keep getting this thought that Jesus isn't real and I don't know what to do.
I thought I would come to this forum to talk about it because I don't know too many Christians in my personal life and I feel that maybe I can get a lot of different views and ideas on this matter.
Please, any response would be appreciated.

-Charlie Zeal

You had better doublecheck then. And I think you would remember if you read John the baptists book, powerful stuff, so guess it is another one. God bless. Cool down a bit, you have time, you say you are 17

You know Charlie,

I don't think it's the devil. Especially if your asking the question in the context of a Christian walk with God. This might have been a question that you always had deep down. I feel like God is bringing it back to the surface for you. Not because he is necessarily testing you or angry that you have this question, but I believe that it is a way of God wanting to reveal more of his character to you. Answering this hidden question is God's way of lovingly doing that to further your relationship with him. In a matter of fact, I think this same thing happened to me.

Hi,

Yeah, I was on John but I'm now on Acts. I feel a bit disappointed that I couldn't remember off the top of my head what book I was on but it was John.

What did you mean by cool down, by the way?

When I was replying to this message, I deleted a couple big paragraphs because I realised what I said was already answered. Although I do, arguably, have a massive chunk of my life ahead of me, I cannot take this time for granted. I feel I should commit to God now until it is too late. I constantly make mistakes and I do learn from them but I feel like being to relaxed about the whole ordeal is the wrong way of looking at it. In fact, I feel I am to relaxed about mistakes I make sometimes and want to correct those mistakes. You are right in that making mistakes brings me closer to God but if I have already found God, should I not just try and avoid those mistakes as much as possible?