Does Romantic Love Cure Depression, Alcoholism/Drugs, Porn/Sex (Put Your Vice Here) Addiction?

I have no doubts that in some cases, the right Christian partner is a wonderful asset and could help a person get better.

In my own experience though (and I'm certainly not saying it counts more than anyone else's, just food for thought,) I have been surrounded by people who took on relationships in which they thought they could "help" or "love" the other person well, and it was a disaster.

I also think that with all the fictionalized dramas we see in entertainment (including Christian movies and TV, where God always seems to come through with some kind of one-in-a-million breakthrough,) many people tend to gloss over the bad and concentrate on the happy couple singing joyfully at church during the final shot.

I once knew a pastor who had a lifelong battle with alcohol, and one of the things he put his wife through was smashing a mirror in a drunken rage and then gashing his wrists with the broken shards. Imagine being his wife and having to try to nurse him through all of these episodes (as they happened regularly) for several decades while basically raising your children as a single parent, because he obviously can't help out. (And this is not to put everything on the men -- I've known several men with addicted wives as well.)

But when we think about romantic love, we're not thinking about this. We're eagerly romanticizing the good times and how much a partner can "help" us, rather than the utter hell that is going to break loose along the way.

My own experience in a relationship with an alcoholic resulted in him becoming much, much worse, because help only enabled him, allowing him to nurse his addictions all the more. When I met him, he was working full time, but as I did more and more, he eventually quit working altogether to take up drinking full time instead. The babysitter would call me and tell me to pick up his kids because he had called her in the midst of as slurring stupor. He wound up in the hospital because he was taking over the counter drugs (like sleeping pills,) while washing them down with two pints of alcohol. Every single day.

This thread is for the sharing of experiences in the hopes that we can all learn and grow.

As for myself, I have only seemed to find a lot more of the same -- men who are attracted to me because I'm not a drinker, I don't smoke, and I've never touched drugs (out of fear, not self-righteousness,) and so they think, "Ah, a clean Christian girl. She'll be perfect to take care of me and help support me with my issues."

Oh, I wind up supporting them all right. You'd think I would have learned my lesson after I paid for his babysitting costs and a first and second round of legal bills that were all being caused by his drinking. I just thank God I didn't marry him (because he was asking) so that I could get out of that relationship (but nearly needed a restraining order to do so, as he kept showing up everywhere I was.)

I have nothing but admiration for those who feel they can take on such weighty problems -- God bless them, because He knows they are going to need it -- but as for myself, if given a choice, I will always opt for a lonely but quiet space of my own rather than an avalanche of someone else's issues that they have not dealt with in addition to the things I'm fighting within myself.

(Which brings us to another topic for another time -- the issues we deal with ourselves and how much should we expect a partner to shoulder from us.)

I agree. Having a spouse is not a cure for anything in particular; however, (I believe) "the right spouse" could/would provide a means of adding a good measure of encouragement and accountability in a way that cannot be had in any other way.

I'm not saying that non-marital relationships cannot provide a measure of encouragement and accountability - they can - it just seems that a good relationship with a compatible companion would provide for those things in the best possible way.

Of course, it depends on the circumstances of the situation. In some cases, a simple-but-good dose of reality - not a spouse - is what is needed and required.

Getting married is never the right answer to solving problems. Instead, getting married is for having a close trusted companion to share life with - encouraging each other to enjoy the "highs" of life - together - and, to work through the "lows" of life - together.

The difference between being single and being married is the "built-in" support system that exists in marriage that cannot be had - to the same degree and extent - as when you are single.

If a guy is reading a novel there might be SOME romance in it but there has to be some violence or maybe a murder to spice it up, men just wont read straight romance. Romeo and Juliet is acceptable, but Mills and Boon is not.

I chose this one:
Improvement is up to the individual, regardless of relationship status.
We first must learn to live with ourselves and fit into our communities before we can take an active lead of a family. That said: It is still expedient to have a helpmeet to bear some of the load.

I had two marriages that lasted 16 and 20 years, respectively. You might say they were successful. But, being a creature of habit, I let my old habit of not trying to resolve any differences take over during disagreement.

After so much time and unresolved policies, you just grow apart. I was Christian during my second divorce, but had to let her go for her to get on Medicare. My income was blocking her from getting any medical help. After she left, she said she felt the marriage was loveless. I didn't then, but I see now what her issues were. View attachment 230124

Dang nab it.

I accidentally hit the Post button too early, and the poll isn't allowing for multiple choice.

I believe I fixed it.

Hey Everyone,

This thread is inspired by another ongoing thread here, but the topic comes up frequently here in Singles.

Many singles think that whatever they're struggling with will get better or even disappear altogether "if only" they found their "one true love," their "soul mate," their absolute dream person from God who is going to be the total game changer -- or so they think.

Now, I am definitely not trying to say that this can't or doesn't happen.

I'm just interested in what others have observed regarding this topic. If you think about the people in your life -- it could be you, a friend, a relative, a parent, a step-parent, a church member, a co-worker -- have any of them believed that a Godly, loving relationship or marriage would make all their issues get better or go away? So what actually happened when they did find love?

Don't limit the list of possible problems to the ones in just the title -- it could be video games, food, loneliness, insecurities, addiction to work -- anything that is interfering with your life, is causing you distress, or is causing you to live a lesser quality of life because of your inability to resist or avoid the issue, whatever it may be. It could be something you once chose on your own, or something you had no power against but yet you have to deal with it now on a regular basis.

Most Christian singles seem to believe that a Christ-centered marriage will conquer everything. But what have you actually experienced and observed in your everyday life? One thing that always perplexes me is how far reality can be from our ideals, and we often find this out much too late. What can we do to prevent this?

*Of the people you can think of who thought a romantic relationship would improve their state -- did things get better, worse, or stay the same?

* Why do you think that is, especially if both people involved were Christians?

Please note that I see this question as having no "right" or "wrong" answers -- the only thing I'm really after is how people's realities have played out vs. the ideals they once held (and acted upon.)

I have included an anonymous, multiple-choice poll because I'm really interested in hearing people's thoughts and observations about this. And if there is enough interest, I may repeat this thread and poll in the Family Forum in order to get answers from our married friends who can speak from experience.

Thank you for sharing your dose of reality with us today!

Galatians 5:16-25


16 This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.
17 For the flesh lust against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18 But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.