How to say "she's not interested in you" to a cousin I have

Get her to take him out on a bad date.

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I have this cousin, John, that I have been doing things with lately. John has given his life to Christ, a good man, and a hard worker. He's 54 years old and never been married. His only real issue is he's a little socially awkward (not special needs, please don't misunderstand). Other than that, he's an average guy in every sense of term when it comes to his personality. He'll occasionally come with me to the ballroom studio I go to and meet up for dinner on Thursday nights with my family and their friends. Needless to say, two single guys going out and having fun together. However, there is this woman that he really likes and has known her for sometime. I get the strong suspicion that she's not into him.

I finally got to meet this woman, named Angela. This woman's 43 years old, tall, good looking, a nurse, was a dance instructor (she actually helped at one of the places that John danced at), sings in a duet group, and, supposedly, a Christian (at least, John says she is). We went down to town south where we live and watched her sing. Along the way, I had asked other questions about her, and John had told me that Angela lives in a different town altogether from where we were going and where we lived, guys are always chasing her, and she was married at one time. More specifically she's divorced and he doesn't know how that happened. Anyway, she had been in a few other relationships with guys after she was divorced and had traveled quite a bit. Recently, John had finally said to her that he wants to be more than just friends and would like to go out with her. Her response was that she had to work out some things, first, with an ex-bf. Already a sign saying 'no, let's stay friends', but let's continue the story because it gets a little more telling.

We arrive at the place Angela is singing. As mentioned before, she is very attractive and has a good voice, and I can see why John likes her, as far as on a physical level. Whenever she came up to talk to us when she took a break, it wasn't long. My cousin and I had a good time as the night moved on. I even got to sing with a group of ladies that were on their way out, as well as dance with a married couple for a few songs. My cousin is pretty low key and I tried to get him to join in, but he didn't. I didn't care, even as the younger crowd started coming in for their late night drinks (no, I wasn't drunk).

After the last song, we actually got to talk to Angela and the person she was singing with. We began to talk, and somewhere during our conversation (I can't remember how it was triggered), it was brought up that I'm taking ballroom dance lessons, and the place I go to Angela use to be an instructor there and told us about her time there. We brought up about the different styles, and, out of the blue, we demonstrated some of the moves from the different styles I was taking. We even did a full minute of waltz, and I was trying to get John to do it instead. Still, he didn't want to, even though he invited me along and I warmed Angela up to do it (oh well). In any case, we said our goodbyes afterwards and went home.

John still didn't seem to get the hint that Angela is not that interested in him. He seems convinced that she has a greater level of attraction towards him than what she's letting on, just by these little gestures she had, supposedly, made towards him. The fact that this woman was fine with me, a stranger, to dance with her, her little interaction with John while we were at the place where she sang, and when she had told him that she had to work out things with her ex-boyfriend should have all been signs that she doesn't want anything to do with him on a romantic level.

What I'm trying to figure out is how I should break it to him without there being a damper on our friendship. Like I said before, he is a good man and he has given his life to Christ. However, he tells me that if she let's him know she's not interested he'll move on, but because of these, supposed, little things that he says she does towards him, I don't think he believes what he said. I could just say flat out that she doesn't like him in that way, but that would probably hurt the friendship we have developed and he wouldn't believe it anyway. Or I could just let him find out on his own. I've told him about my experience with women like this and I told him the end result of each one when I would go on my own and discover they weren't interested. Whatever the case, opinions would be appreciated (but keep them civil). Prayer would be better because I hate seeing good men to have to go through this, and I'll bet this woman has plenty of men chasing her (and wants to keep it that way).

I have this cousin, John, that I have been doing things with lately. John has given his life to Christ, a good man, and a hard worker. He's 54 years old and never been married. His only real issue is he's a little socially awkward (not special needs, please don't misunderstand). Other than that, he's an average guy in every sense of term when it comes to his personality. He'll occasionally come with me to the ballroom studio I go to and meet up for dinner on Thursday nights with my family and their friends. Needless to say, two single guys going out and having fun together. However, there is this woman that he really likes and has known her for sometime. I get the strong suspicion that she's not into him.

I finally got to meet this woman, named Angela. This woman's 43 years old, tall, good looking, a nurse, was a dance instructor (she actually helped at one of the places that John danced at), sings in a duet group, and, supposedly, a Christian (at least, John says she is). We went down to town south where we live and watched her sing. Along the way, I had asked other questions about her, and John had told me that Angela lives in a different town altogether from where we were going and where we lived, guys are always chasing her, and she was married at one time. More specifically she's divorced and he doesn't know how that happened. Anyway, she had been in a few other relationships with guys after she was divorced and had traveled quite a bit. Recently, John had finally said to her that he wants to be more than just friends and would like to go out with her. Her response was that she had to work out some things, first, with an ex-bf. Already a sign saying 'no, let's stay friends', but let's continue the story because it gets a little more telling.

We arrive at the place Angela is singing. As mentioned before, she is very attractive and has a good voice, and I can see why John likes her, as far as on a physical level. Whenever she came up to talk to us when she took a break, it wasn't long. My cousin and I had a good time as the night moved on. I even got to sing with a group of ladies that were on their way out, as well as dance with a married couple for a few songs. My cousin is pretty low key and I tried to get him to join in, but he didn't. I didn't care, even as the younger crowd started coming in for their late night drinks (no, I wasn't drunk).

After the last song, we actually got to talk to Angela and the person she was singing with. We began to talk, and somewhere during our conversation (I can't remember how it was triggered), it was brought up that I'm taking ballroom dance lessons, and the place I go to Angela use to be an instructor there and told us about her time there. We brought up about the different styles, and, out of the blue, we demonstrated some of the moves from the different styles I was taking. We even did a full minute of waltz, and I was trying to get John to do it instead. Still, he didn't want to, even though he invited me along and I warmed Angela up to do it (oh well). In any case, we said our goodbyes afterwards and went home.

John still didn't seem to get the hint that Angela is not that interested in him. He seems convinced that she has a greater level of attraction towards him than what she's letting on, just by these little gestures she had, supposedly, made towards him. The fact that this woman was fine with me, a stranger, to dance with her, her little interaction with John while we were at the place where she sang, and when she had told him that she had to work out things with her ex-boyfriend should have all been signs that she doesn't want anything to do with him on a romantic level.

What I'm trying to figure out is how I should break it to him without there being a damper on our friendship. Like I said before, he is a good man and he has given his life to Christ. However, he tells me that if she let's him know she's not interested he'll move on, but because of these, supposed, little things that he says she does towards him, I don't think he believes what he said. I could just say flat out that she doesn't like him in that way, but that would probably hurt the friendship we have developed and he wouldn't believe it anyway. Or I could just let him find out on his own. I've told him about my experience with women like this and I told him the end result of each one when I would go on my own and discover they weren't interested. Whatever the case, opinions would be appreciated (but keep them civil). Prayer would be better because I hate seeing good men to have to go through this, and I'll bet this woman has plenty of men chasing her (and wants to keep it that way).

Hmmm... Your friend is 54...I think he can take care of it...and the rejection he'll going to face but I understand you are concern about your friend...it is really hard to talk to your friends of the things they might not want to hear lol or they dont want to hear...so it really takes courage to spill things out without hurting their feelings...

You described your friend as an average guy and the woman as beautiful and almost perfect physically... And you were saying that your friend will get no chance hmmm...you never know lol beautiful women most of the time go for the average and socially awkward guy in the class lol 😅😆

Anyways here's my take...what you are going to say to your friend will probably affect the friendship but don't worry a true friend will understand and will appreciate your genuine care for them ...

Sit down with your friend and tell him all at once. Tell him my friend, I am going to bring this up only once and never again unless you ask...then tell him everything what you think and What you know about the woman and tell him whatever you decide I am always here for you and I will be praying for you..


You are a good friend ❤ he is blessed to have a friend like you 😊

I have this cousin, John, that I have been doing things with lately. John has given his life to Christ, a good man, and a hard worker. He's 54 years old and never been married. His only real issue is he's a little socially awkward (not special needs, please don't misunderstand). Other than that, he's an average guy in every sense of term when it comes to his personality. He'll occasionally come with me to the ballroom studio I go to and meet up for dinner on Thursday nights with my family and their friends. Needless to say, two single guys going out and having fun together. However, there is this woman that he really likes and has known her for sometime. I get the strong suspicion that she's not into him.

I finally got to meet this woman, named Angela. This woman's 43 years old, tall, good looking, a nurse, was a dance instructor (she actually helped at one of the places that John danced at), sings in a duet group, and, supposedly, a Christian (at least, John says she is). We went down to town south where we live and watched her sing. Along the way, I had asked other questions about her, and John had told me that Angela lives in a different town altogether from where we were going and where we lived, guys are always chasing her, and she was married at one time. More specifically she's divorced and he doesn't know how that happened. Anyway, she had been in a few other relationships with guys after she was divorced and had traveled quite a bit. Recently, John had finally said to her that he wants to be more than just friends and would like to go out with her. Her response was that she had to work out some things, first, with an ex-bf. Already a sign saying 'no, let's stay friends', but let's continue the story because it gets a little more telling.

We arrive at the place Angela is singing. As mentioned before, she is very attractive and has a good voice, and I can see why John likes her, as far as on a physical level. Whenever she came up to talk to us when she took a break, it wasn't long. My cousin and I had a good time as the night moved on. I even got to sing with a group of ladies that were on their way out, as well as dance with a married couple for a few songs. My cousin is pretty low key and I tried to get him to join in, but he didn't. I didn't care, even as the younger crowd started coming in for their late night drinks (no, I wasn't drunk).

After the last song, we actually got to talk to Angela and the person she was singing with. We began to talk, and somewhere during our conversation (I can't remember how it was triggered), it was brought up that I'm taking ballroom dance lessons, and the place I go to Angela use to be an instructor there and told us about her time there. We brought up about the different styles, and, out of the blue, we demonstrated some of the moves from the different styles I was taking. We even did a full minute of waltz, and I was trying to get John to do it instead. Still, he didn't want to, even though he invited me along and I warmed Angela up to do it (oh well). In any case, we said our goodbyes afterwards and went home.

John still didn't seem to get the hint that Angela is not that interested in him. He seems convinced that she has a greater level of attraction towards him than what she's letting on, just by these little gestures she had, supposedly, made towards him. The fact that this woman was fine with me, a stranger, to dance with her, her little interaction with John while we were at the place where she sang, and when she had told him that she had to work out things with her ex-boyfriend should have all been signs that she doesn't want anything to do with him on a romantic level.

What I'm trying to figure out is how I should break it to him without there being a damper on our friendship. Like I said before, he is a good man and he has given his life to Christ. However, he tells me that if she let's him know she's not interested he'll move on, but because of these, supposed, little things that he says she does towards him, I don't think he believes what he said. I could just say flat out that she doesn't like him in that way, but that would probably hurt the friendship we have developed and he wouldn't believe it anyway. Or I could just let him find out on his own. I've told him about my experience with women like this and I told him the end result of each one when I would go on my own and discover they weren't interested. Whatever the case,opinions would be appreciated (but keep them civil). Prayer would be better because I hate seeing good men to have to go through this, and I'll bet this woman has plenty of men chasing her (and wants to keep it that way).

why would you say she is not interested in him when she could tell him herself?!

If shes a flirty lady who is like this with everyone then he can flirt back but that still doesnt mean anything...some women just like to flirt, for goodness sakes shes a dance instructor the whole point of dancing is harmless flirting (with many partners) and when the dance is over thats it, everyone had a good time!

You kinda treating your cousin like hes an idiot I reckon hes old enought to take care of himself and handle a bit of rejection now and again because flirting is just flirting. You dont need to hold his hand.

Pray if you worried but its not for YOU to say this lady isnt interested. Shes a flirt. She may flirt with someone else another time on the dancefloor. She can tell him shes not interested, its not that hard, and its actually better coming from HER rather than you. You cousin already knows this. He wants to take a risk, well, let him he can handle it.

Maybe its you that likes her, I dont know. Dont try and make more problems for youself.

I have no interest in this woman, especially when I just met her. I believe that she IS a flirt and is able to corral men to pay attention to her. I got invited to go and watch her perform by my cousin because he asked me to tag along. He had told me about her, anyway, so I figured I'd go and see what it was he liked about her. Now I can see why he does, and I make no excuses about it. But make no mistake, I don't share the same interest or admiration towards her as my cousin.

And, no, I'm not trying painting my cousin like he's an idiot. That's extremely misleading and untrue, and no where do I flat out insult the man nor imply it. The guy's a college graduate, knows more about agriculture and machinery than most people. I'd say the man is very intelligent and knowledgeable, along with him being a good man. So don't go there saying that I'm painting him to be a buffoon because he isn't. I think he's a little socially awkward, like other smart people out there, but that doesn't equate to stupidity. Not in the least.

I know what this man is going through because I've been through similar situations. He's someone who had never been in a long term relationship, girls probably rejected him over his looks and his personality while growing up, and he works so much he doesn't make time for himself during the week, other than the weekend, to go meet up with friends or make new ones. His confidence isn't the greatest either, and that's the result of not being around enough people that interact with him positively. Nevertheless, he believes that this woman actually has a thing for him, and I bet he has a hard time getting her out of his head.

Other men will probably say this never happens with them, but I'm here to say that's a lie. I'm one of the guys that fell for this kind of flirt before with other women. These women would lead me on by making me feel welcome, laugh at my attempts of humor, and say flattering things to me. And whenever I gathered the courage to finally ask them out, it was 99% of the time the "I don't know" type answers. Me also not understanding this because I never been in a long term relationship led me to believe that there MIGHT be a chance with whoever it was, only to find out later that the woman I liked was already taken, leading to major disappointment. And I know there are other men who have gone through what I just described. They're not creeps nor weirdos, just normal, everyday, good men.

I just don't want to see someone that I care about go down that same road again, but unfortunately he's looking to do it anyways, with him not knowing that he is. While I see this guy doing this to himself, I see me, too, and it not only hurts but it's embarrassing to witness. I hate seeing good guys who have a lot going for them just get dumped on because they simply like someone, and many of today's women tend to relish in it. I don't want him becoming a victim of it again, but I'm beginning to believe that the only way out of this is just letting it play out, then help get his mind off of her after the rejection.

I think if you were to tell him he may think that you are interested in the woman yourself and then that could cause some friction/competition/jealousy between the two of you esp if you continue to see this woman perform with your cousin. If you were to tell him, I would not continue to go with him to see her otherwise he may conclude you are after her.

I think I would just pray for him that God will intervene. Whether that is to divert his attention so he is not interested anymore or to allow him to go through the unpleasant experience yet give him the strength to overcome the rejection and move on is up to God. At least prayer has been done and God can intervene. Maybe you can get him involved in other areas so that he can meet other woman instead of just fixating on one that does not sound genuine.

I could just let him find out on his own.

That'll be the best route to go. As I mentioned before, I went through much of what he's going through, and I had read up on other men's experiences who had the same things happen to them. They're not villains or anything. They're all just normal guys who want to be with good women. What happens, though, is they get caught up with the idea of these women that it's hard for them to see the reality of the situation.

It pains me to bring up my experience, but with any woman that I was interested in, she was one of the top things that I thought about. What ended up happening was it took away time where I can go and be happy. Then at times, when I find out I had indifferences with that woman, I always thought to myself that we can work it out, if we ever started something between us. In the end, I felt like a fool because I realize how incompatible we actually were and I find out that the woman, whoever it was at the time, would already have a bf(s).

Probably two of the best things that had happened to me in the past 2 years were me losing over 100 pounds (putting me around 190 pounds) and taking up ballroom dancing. They both made me more confident than what I was in the past, and that there are better people in the world. They also made me comfortable with my decision to remain single and allow me to work on myself even further, discovering I'm far more capable than what I give myself credit for. My cousin has been trying to focus on these things, too, but I think if we did more things together, he would be able to discover so much more, and that this woman isn't what she makes herself out to be. But that's why prayer will be important because it'll help get him to that point.