Christian folks; how do you handle rejection ?

Hello fellow Christians. As a young believer who desires to have a suitor and you have experienced all kinds of rejection from the ladies you intend to ask out, how do you manage this situation?
I know waiting upon the Lord to seek is direction is very Paramount. For those that are in relationship, how are you being led to your spouse?

Personally I'm more in the "live life, and if you find a girl along the way, so much the better" camp.

But if you must go out and look for a spouse, go about it methodically. Analyze what is making them reject you. Maybe it's something you can fix... or maybe it's something about yourself that you don't want to change.

If you can't tell what is making women reject you, ask a friend. If you don't have any friends honest enough to tell you the bad news, get some better friends first.

One thing about women is they can act very differently showing interest. Your expecting a smile nodding and open yes and showing interest back. However many times when women are interested they stop talking. Its your job to keep the conversation going. I learned this doing sales. If i ever let the convo die ive lost the sale. So my job is to calmly small talk thru the vacant spots.

It takes confidence and charisma to do that. Thats what they are looking for. You should not talk to women much different than men. Its artifical and they pickup on that. One of the best pieces of advice was you cant b good at talking to girls if your not good at talking to people. Every interaction u have is practice. Push yourself out of your safe zone in other situations and dealing with women gets much easier.

Thanks for your honest response.
Can you explain more what you meant by seeking a spouse methodically?

Can you be more open and honest about your experience so we can offer you a bit of wisdom?

As for rejection, it attacks the ego because you cannot fathom how someone could look past you, lol. It can be taken personally, expressing itself as feelings of inadequacy. However, if you know what you bring to the table (as a loving faithful man, a righteous man) they simply have not seen your value, that you do have. Also, you weren’t made for everyone, but for one (in respect to God’s foreknowledge and your desires depending upon His providence), so it should not surprise you that some women look past you. You aren’t what/who they are looking for nor who God is providing for them.

I’m a “I believe in destiny, not dating” type of guy. I look to God’s providence and wait. He prepares me and her. My hope then is not in my pursuit but in God’s leading as He provides me unto her.

Start a conversation with God. “Father, where is my wife?” Lay your petition before God.

Ben God bless you real good.
You have nailed the truth on it's head. My problem is waiting upon him. I have made many mistakes trying to do things in my own wisdom due to pressure all around. Though, I desire strongly to choose withing my denomination as I know it is the Lord's will to choose in my denomination (Genesis 24:4).
Honestly, I became more pressurised to the extent of even trying to date a dirvocee in my fold. I am single, and I have never been married. Now, when I think about the moves I made, I discovered I have acted under pressure.
I am 38 this year, I became born again after I graduated from University. I cut off ungodly relationship I was and I intend to marry in the Lord. Then, I began the journey of searching. I was held down by fear and family circumstances, I did not really want to go into any relationship in my early thirties then due to my economy situation. Now when I looked back I discovered that almost all the ladies in my age bracket in my denomination have gotten married. I am only opened to younger sisters who are not actually willing to settle down soon or most of them are engaged or dating someone.
I believe if I have allow God to lead me, I wouldn't make mistake of making a move without Him leading me. I have made many mistakes in this area and it is really embarrassing.
I really appreciate your advice, I will continually pray and ask the father to lead me.
My question is; how can I be sensitive to his leading bro?
What do you think I can do while waiting upon the Lord to bring the one He has chosen for me?
How do I know if He has brought the person?
But note sir; Bible also says he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord.
Pls., Do well to reply me
I await your response.
Thanks God bless you.
,

It’s not an easy question to answer beyond God will reveal her to you. You will know. It probably isn’t hard to find someone compatible with you, but you want more than that. You want to be with the person God provides. You could have three available options that perfectly match you but only one is her by God’s providence.

Thanks for taking your time to reply me. Would you pls explain this part"You should not talk to women much different than men. Its artifical and they pickup on that"

The problem with this philosophy is that there's no way to know if you miss it. If you never feel like God has revealed someone to you, then what? Do you conclude that God never meant for you to marry? What do you do if in hindsight you think God revealed someone to you that you didn't realize it at the time and let them go even though you really liked them (doubly what if, if that person has since married another)? Or what if the one God has chosen for you decides to rebel against God and not marry you?

So @yinkbell you can take Ben's advice if you want, but having grown up in the church and being your age and formerly of the "wait for the magical God reveal moment" camp (seriously is there any other decision in life that you'd wait indefinitely for divine revelation that you were 110% sure on?), I can tell you that I've come to realize that's a good way to end up old and single. Definitely involve God and pray lots and seek his wisdom, but at the end of the day your chances of getting married are much better if you're actually actively getting to know some potential mates. And if you do so with wisdom, your chances of being happily married (as opposed to making a mistake and then having years to regret a foolish marriage) are pretty good too.

This may come off as passive aggressive but please do not receive it that way. Faith isn’t for everyone. What I mean, is that not everyone feels comfortable with the idea of trusting God to do something so they put it in their own hands (i.e.; it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea as it pertains to certain subjects). They don’t or won’t wait, and do things in the flesh (even if it’s perfectly rational). I am not saying this method of life is “wrong”, as God will still be with them in the decision(s) they make (for good or bad). As you said instead of waiting for the big ol’ “aha moment” they can just operate in wisdom in their affairs.

This isn’t bad advice, it is reasonable. And before you jump the gun, no I am not saying someone can’t be operating in faith while dating. Example. Even in ministry people will serve in the Church without God’s leading to be in a specific ministry. Again, this is just another… plane of existence. “God should I?” They may have all the talents for a ministry, but would God rather have them somewhere else for the time being? Some people just move with opportunity. I try to move in obedience to God’s will.

You see missionaries coming back from foreign countries defeated because they didn’t win souls, but this is because they were presumptuous in their gift of evangelism not seeking God’s calling on their life for where to exercise that gift. God’s leading is just as important as God’s equipping. You could preach the Gospel to everyone at an Outreach and it fall on deaf ears, or you could follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to specific people and plant seeds or water (maybe even to repentance). Obedience is important.

It’s not an easy question to answer beyond God will reveal her to you. You will know. It probably isn’t hard to find someone compatible with you, but you want more than that. You want to be with the person God provides. You could have three available options that perfectly match you but only one is her by God’s providence.

What can you do in preparation? Continue to develop your walk with God. Your personal walk of fellowship. Knowing God personally. Knowing His voice. Continue working on selflessness, giving. Serve in the church, feed God’s sheep. Be a good steward of your finances. Grow in the areas that are required for a relationship. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

I'll believe it's another (and you imply better) plane of existence when you take the same approach to the things you really need: food, financial provision, a place to live, etc. When you wait for God to drop all of those into your lap and don't lift a finger to go out and get them and God makes it go well for you; then I'll accept there might be something to that ( George Mueller did pretty much prove you could live and run your business by prayer alone, but that doesn't mean God calls everyone to it). There's a very fine line between faith and presumption and scapegoating responsibility with claims of faith and God will do everything on our behalf so we don't need to work at it.



Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Please don't parade your ignorance by speaking of things you do not understand. Living cross culturally is difficult in the best of circumstances (and often missionaries don't live in the best of circumstances) and can have real damaging physical and emotional effects. Even the ones who end up coming back before they plan or before the work is completed have had enough faith and passion to attempt for God what most western Christians will never seriously contemplate attempting. That's like being the other disciples in the boat and criticizing Peter because he sank when he tried walking on water.

Kinda reminds me of that farmer who had an old barn he needed to tear down, but lightning hit it and it burned down. Then he needed to irrigate his field, but rains were heavy that year.

So he sat on the front porch and waited for an earthquake to come and shake his potatoes out of the ground.