Need help, prayer and advice....

I don't usually do this. I'm not even bold enough to talk about my problems among a group of people. Whatever group they may be. It's not that I haven't. Although, I can't just go on by myself. I still have faith in Jesus. And I will continue to have that faith till my last breath. But I also need help. I need help, psychologically, spiritually, and in all other aspects of my life personally. I have a host of issues with me right now. And before I go any further with this, if any of you who are reading aren't comfortable with someone else's issues, I encourage you to stop reading and leave. Because I don't want to cause you any hurt because of me.

I'm not going to say everything of course. But I'm just going to be open about it. Here goes.

I was raised with Christian values and I did grow up loving Jesus and reading the Bible and being punctual for Sunday service. Thinking about God and everything. I always call on God for help even when the small things are concerned. And when important life decisions are made, I pray and then take those steps. I'm an imperfect Christian. That's how I view myself. Of course, if someone would give me constructive feedback, I will take that.

I've gone through a lot of physical and mental abuse growing up. Raised by a single parent. I have insomnia and eating disorders. And I'm good at getting away from a traumatic situation on my own. But that never meant that that's never bothered me. I have and still am severely traumatized at times. I'm very good at hiding that from my family. I don't show them how I feel or how they can make me feel alone at times.

I'm a single man. I've never been in a relationship with a girl. But I'm to blame because I never asked my colleagues out for a cup of coffee or anything. Not that I haven't been out with women. I feel I may not be suited for a married life because of the lifestyle I've chosen. I want to ascend the ranks of Brazilian jiu jitsu. Start my own school one day and run a business like that and be of service to society doing what I love. Of course for this, you need a partner who is supportive and understands your situation. Most people look for monetary compatibility where I'm from. Of course, I never made a move because I don't have enough to support the person whom I might love. I've watched women I like get married and settle down all because I never made a move to tell them my love. I loved a woman for four years and didn't tell her because I knew that I didn't have a steady career. At least not the traditional career people have. 9-5 job. I pursue a sport and want to establish myself as a sports athlete and run club for a living. I have my vision in life and it is long term.

Of course, marrying a rich woman or a woman who provides is an option but I don't approach love that way. Besides, it's hard to find someone whom you can love. You cannot just love any woman. I'm choosy too when it comes down to that. But I'm also a responsible person. Have always been. So till now I have not placed any woman in jeopardy because of what I want selfishly. And I haven't had many opportunities and was not in a good emotional state to accommodate a lady in my life at certain times of opportunities when they presented themselves before me.

I have enjoyed going out there and training, competing and doing what I love. I am in the fitness and sports industry and it's what I want to do. What I want is not what everyone wants and most people won't get what I'm trying to do for myself and accomplish in my life. It's usually a lonely road. Maybe I am to blame but I will not be happy doing a 9-5. Some people are good that way or just find it in themselves to do that. I can't do that. I've tried. At least I can't do something else when I know I'm supposed to be pursuing what I am pursuing in my life right now. I am super complex as a person. But I'm not closed. I can be open.

My mother is schizophrenic, religiously fixated. She has trouble deciphering my emotional state and at times I feel that she is insensitive to my life situations and my feelings. She can be soul crushingly harsh. And sometimes, she is. But I put up with it because of what happened to her and how she gave her life for her children and wanted nothing but the best for us. She still does. Yeah well I'd like to visit a counselor or something. But I have my ways of purging negative energy from my life. I'd like my mother to visit a counselor and seek help but she has never looked out for professional help. As a result she suffers from mental illness. Things can flare up to a fght in my house over trivial matters and miscommunications with my mother. I've no problems with my brother but matters can get worse with him too because he is family and each of us have gone through so much. Of course, we come from a Christian home. But one that's endured severe trauma. We've crossed a lot of days fighting each other. It has been hard. Sure, I am mature enough to move on. But I feel my other family members especially my mother, she just can't forget the bad stuff that happened. She keeps talking about it everyday. I have my ways of handling all this. But, I can be open about it here. I'm open to suggestions and any advice. I welcome the prayers of my brothers and sisters here.

So those are some of my problems. Just venting it out. I'm tired of it. I just thank all of you for listening to this and for your patience if you're still with me

@justbeingahuman
Its no coincidence you chose a life dedicated to a study that prevents you from being abused, having grown up with a lot of abuse.

This notion you are fine without counseling is false. It's often hardest to judge ourselves accurately, especially in terms of what is and isn't normal in relation to our upbringing.
Counseling isn't just about mental illness It's about healing from and overcoming things from our past, as well. And learning new and better ways to cope.
While using physical means to help with the negatives is definitely a good step, it's only part of what's needed. Venting out negatives doesn't prevent them from coming back. Your goal needs to be overcoming your past, not simply holding it at bay. Because what happens if something prevents you from being able to vent it physically?

Your views about dating and women are rather peculiar. Do you think women only marry 9-5 type guys? If that's what you think you're way off. Plenty of women would be fine with someone working unconventional hours, especially for running your own business.

Maybe I misunderstood but you seemed to say you can't start your business until you have a woman to support you? If I read that correctly you're going to waste a lot of your life.
Really you have your life set up to ensure you never do anything. You can't get a woman because of the business you want to start. Can't start a business because you don't have a woman.
All you've done is ensure you'll never have a business or a wife.

But of you ever do want to have a wife and/or kids then getting counseling is quite important. It's not uncommon that those who suffer abuse, grow up to abuse. Even those that don't intend it will slip into it, because that is their norm. Getting counseling to ensure that pattern won't repeat seems rather paramount.

My suggestion is, get some counseling and rethink some of your beliefs about women and business to learn to quit self sabotaging.

Hi there. Thank you for sharing your experiences. The way we think actually controls the way we experience something. So since you have been through trauma, it is not too late to learn better ways to think and coping skills.

It is not always easy to develop better ways of thinking, but don't be discouraged; stick with the process and results will gradually manifest. The Bible refers to this as "renewing the mind" by thinking on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy. The idea is to establish better thinking patterns.

Also, there are no "perfect Christians." Christians are often people who came out of a lifetime of living a worldly lifestyle. Some Christians have done things in the past that are shocking enough to make your hair turn white. Don't forget about Paul (formerly known as Saul) who persecuted the early church and held the coats of those who martyred Stephen. Jesus singled Paul out for service to the glory of God. We are justified by the righteousness of Christ.

Someone recommended get counseling. Yes absolutely. A good Christian counselor would be great for you. Praying for you.

"Thank you for sharing.
I learned long time ago, there is no cure all for things out of my control. And, I learned ( since God became
an important part of my life ) I had to 'fix' myself, attitude and behavior. Accepting things I couldn't change,
and change the things I could, mainly myself...believe it!
Not letting go of the past...the past will never let go of ones own self....a burden that hinders the necessary
spiritual growth of ones own peace and well being. A spiritual 'awakening' has forever changed my life, and
many may never truly experience such a life changing event...it has to be lived!
I hope and pray, you come to find what is needed in your life...perhaps a 'friend' is closer than one may realize...
mirror mirror on the wall...what is it that YOU see.............CHRIST IN US..........Thank God.
~I came...I came to...I came to believe............GOD IS

Thank you for keeping it real. You clearly understand the situation. It's partly true what you said. Although the part about the business is not. I have to get an initial grade to start up my business. I'm quite close to starting my own business. As a matter of fact, I already have existing qualifications. And I have a lifetime of experience as a martial artist. Almost half my life. Started in my mid teens. It's kept me healthy, sane and has given me a lot of the good qualities which I otherwise would not have acquired in my life. And I'm sure that I can do the same for others. Giving back and being active in the field. Progressing and growing in it. For a big metropolitan city like mine, there are hardly any technical guys in the field that I've chosen and the population is in the millions. So there is a market for what I do. It's just that I have a lot of traveling to do and I have to actively compete. There is a lot of work to be done. It's corona that is in the middle of me getting those things done. I can't travel to where my professor is and get the grade because of travel restrictions. Also, this isn't a great time to start a gym. That doesn't mean that I can just quit and find something else. I've already quit far too many times and I've tried hard and failed hard in all other things. I've had the most successful year of my life in 2019 and 2020 is okay, it's still happening and by God's grace I still was able to learn and put in the work despite the obstacles that came my way.

I mean, how can I sabotage my life. Do I want that for myself. I don't. I'm not self destructive. Far from it. I have competitive energy that's true. I keep that within the mats and the training room. I'm a normal guy outside. An introvert, yes. But friendly when spoken to. Worst case scenario, if I don't like someone, I ignore that person. Despite what I do, I've never been in fights or got myself into trouble outside with other people. I know that the field I've chosen is the best for me. I have seen people succeed and I've trained with some of the best in the world. If they have succeeded in this life, I surely can in this field too.

But you're right. I'm not good at analyzing where a woman comes into all of this. I'd like to have a life partner. There are a lot of questions that come to my mind regarding this and counseling could help me. It will. It's not like I'm keeping myself from it. And I know that most of what you say is true, I don't deny it. I think I will get help. And it's true about my past too. It does affect my relationship with my family. What you said is true in most cases. I do need help. And I thank you for taking the time to write back and give me something to think about. I really appreciate it. I see that you've done your best to help me out. Thank you again and God bless you

Thank you for the kind words my friend. I will go for counseling sometime. And I haven't read God's word in a while. Should revert back to reading His word. Thank you again and God bless you

Amen. Thank you for the encouragement. I know that God is there and He's gonna take care of all my needs. He watches over all of us. But sometimes, it helps to just speak about it to someone who listens. Thank you for listening. God bless

Hi,

When I was young, I didn't date. I was only attracted to certain types of girls, and wanted a wife who was from a similar faith background. In my early 20's I dated a couple of girls for a while. Finally, I had a job I could support myself on. But when I wanted to marry, I didn't really have enough for the wedding. My contract said I would get a bonus, but it was translated into English poorly. After I proposed to my wife, I found out I was actually getting two one-month bonuses at the end of the year. This covered the expenses I incurred to get married.

One thing I noticed is when I married and later when I had kids is that through various means, I was able to feed and house the family. It seems God provided more as I needed more. Of course, we pray and we give thanks. But if you are able to support yourself, why not take a step of faith? Prayerfully, and in a very pure and holy way of course, you can start looking for a wife and, with much prayer and care, if you find a suitable candidate, start a relationship and see how it goes. The Lord may provide more for you. If you are trusting in the Lord to guide your steps and you step out in the direction you need to go, then you may find that He provides what you need.

In a way that is respectful to your mother, a woman you are in a relationship with may need to find out what she is like before you propose, to be fair to her.

Thank you for sharing your testimony of faith. I am waiting on the Lord still believing like that. Though you know, I don't visibly see an end to my wait. From what you have shared, what I need is more faith and belief in God that He's going take care of my needs. I see that God has provided for you and answered your prayers and led the way for you. Thank you for sharing this. I needed this today. I'll keep working towards it and continue to keep my needs in prayer. God bless you and family