Is it possible to come back to God after backsliding, living in sin and even mocking God at times or am I damned to hell?
And, I think Satan wants us to believe it is not, in order to cause us to continue in our misery longer. He especially wants us to self-isolate so that we will not hear God's word clearly which should encourage us to return back to him, like the prodigal son.
By the way, I believe this is where those who claim a true believer can lose their salvation actually lead people to misery and self-condemnation. God means for the believer to know that he is secure, and can depend upon the grace of God, even after he has been trapped in sin for a long period of time.
Additionally, I don't believe any true believer is ever lost. I will back that position up with a paper that I have done on this topic.
At the same time, though, my position is "perseverance of the saints" and this means that God will ultimately reconcile the true believer to himself.
To be fair to the guys who believe you can lose your salvation (free-willers), they teach this, but at the same time when someone fears that they have lost their salvation, they will backpedal and encourage the person by claiming that if you care, you haven't lost it, or they will claim you can regain the salvation which you lost. Very few of them are hard-hearted enough to tell some guy, yup, you could have lost your salvation and you might be doomed to eternal damnation. However, their theology actually depends on them for their salvation in the final analysis.
I used to be one of these guys, until I was convicted by good Reformed brothers that God is the author and finisher of my salvation, and he will bring me into glory, and it is not dependent upon me.
At the same time, I am not sure if you are a true believer or not. I don't think you would care about restoring your relationship with God if you were a false believer, so I will assume you are
My encouragement is to pick up and start seeking God. Trust in Christ and his finished work on the Cross, and begin understanding what grace really means. It is the grace of God that transforms the believer, not trying harder. You really need to pray and ask God to reveal his grace to you, and to look toward Jesus on the Cross and not toward the enormity of your sin.
I believe that is ultimately what transforms the person, and not obsession on their personal sin. They need to be obsessed with Christ, and not their sin.
I recommend reading "Union with Christ" by Rankin Wilbourne and " Favor: Finding Life at the Center of God's Affection" by Greg Gilbert.
Also realize that if you ask questions here, you will invariably encounter two harmful groups....one that encourages you to be full of self-condemnation and hopelessness, and one that conveys that obedience doesn't matter. The key to both of those problems (and salvation in general) is related to the concept of union with Christ.
Union with Christ means that if you are a believer, your identity is in Christ, and despite your sinfulness, God views you according to the pleasure that his Son gives him, because you are united with Christ. Additionally, it means that Jesus is joined to the real believer through faith, and because of that, he is one with him in a spiritual sense. His spiritual power is available to empower the believer through all struggles, including sin and trials. You need to be aware of the indwelling power of Jesus, through the mediation of the Holy Spirit. At the same time, though, you need to be aware that the believer is pleasing to God through union or oneness with Christ.
Be aware that many Christian teachers out there will simply point you to your own power, etcetera, which is a bunch of nonsense. It is only when a person realizes that they are weak and helpless that they start depending on God to supply all their need, including their spiritual power to defeat sin and to endure suffering of all types.
And, if a person is a true believer, defeat of Satan, the world and self is inevitable. You may have to learn a lot of lessons and be disciplined by God a lot before you learn the lessons he has intended for you, though. If you want to be the slow learner in the class, then maybe you just keep taking your lumps and the misery associated with them until you change your mind. God disciplines every son he loves.
But, don't let yourself be fooled by free-willers who think salvation is all up to them buckling up and doing better. it is more about being aware of your sinfulness, and turning to God in dependence. It is better to look toward Jesus rather than look toward your sin as your self-identity.
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