Did you guys ever consider to never get married?

in_the_light · Feb 12, 2020

This thought comes back and forth since i got born again (in 2007). I know marriage can be a blessing and that's how God designed things, but sometimes I tend to think that to really meet someone who totally matches u and who won't be a stumbling block to your walk with God in any way seems kinda unreal. I know in marriage people learn to love more, accept certain things, be tolerant, but then the question is... wouldn't we be better off alone, in the case married with God? Paul talks about it, as you guys know, and some say it refers to the context back then and today thigns are different, but are they really... when i met God i had been involved with this atheist guy and God even worked a miracle for him, but he hardened his heart and today i dont feel like i did for him back then anymore, but back then i was sure he was the one for me etc... then i learned, so to speak, that there isnt such a thing as the one for u, but rather many imperfect ppl (like me, us all) and we pick one who matches us best, in faith and all, and then we learn to kinda stand each other more or less, depending on how one matches the other. With that thought in mind, arent we really, again, better off walking with God without the interference from someone else? I sometimes feel that could be better, that i could be more useful to God that way, I mean, totally emotionally dependent on Him alone and for other things too. But then sometimes I also tend to consider getting married and all, but I wonder if that feeling comes when I stop depending emotionally on God for everything. Also, in my mid 30's i tend to think about how society will see me, also i think when i get older, if being kinda on my own wouldnt be bad for me ultimately. anyway, just thoughts, have you guys ever considered that too

EternalFire · Feb 12, 2020

Matthew 19:7-12 (TLV)
They [the Pharisees] said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to 'give her a certificate of divorce and put her away?'" Yeshua said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. Now I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." The disciples said to Him, "If that's the case for a man and his wife, it's better not to marry!" But He said to them, "Not everyone can accept this saying—only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb; and there are eunuchs who were made that way by men; and there are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who can accept this, let him accept it."

Going_Nowhere · Feb 12, 2020

I don't want to get married. I don't want a girlfriend or even friends for that matter. I want to be alone and live alone the rest of my life.

My personal feelings are that people complicate things and make life worse than it needs to be. So I'm better off alone. That's how I feel anyway.

Aerials1978 · Feb 12, 2020

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18

I certainly would want to be married again. I do truly miss it. It wasn’t my choice to become single. It’s nice to have someone to share faith, love, companionship, intimacy.

In would say that if you feel the calling to remain unmarried, do that for the Lord. If you decide to get married, put Jesus as the head of it. The blessings will surly abound.

cinder · Feb 12, 2020

Let's see it's somewhere between being married to some other person would make life more emotional and stressful and full of conflict and compromise etc.

But being on my own can often feel very lonely and aimless and insignificant.

All it seems I have control over is to make the best of the circumstances I find myself in and realize that any state has advantages and challenges. So it doesn't bother me that I think it probable I won't marry, but I'm not going to make any massive commitments to be single forever either.

Lynx · Feb 12, 2020

And once again cinder beats me to saying what I was going to say. Ah well.

Go back up and reread what cinder said, and imagine I said it. That'll work well enough I guess.

Really, it's not the kind of thing most people can decide and set in stone for the rest of their lives. You can be single and quite happy, and suddenly meet the perfect complement to your life and marry. You can be happily married and your spouse dies or suddenly turns into a person you don't know and divorces you.

Every single aspect of my life, right down to the part about me being alive to live it, is conditional and subject to change without notice. Marital status is one of them, and just as subject to change. There's no way I can say "This is me forever" until I die. And after I'm dead I won't be around to say it.

The best thing to do with life is live it. If you get married along the way, yay company and support! If you stay single until the end of it, yay freedom and spontaneity!

love_comes_softly · Feb 12, 2020

Occasionally I have thought about it, but I really don't feel that that's the direction the Lord has for me in my life.

Subhumanoidal · Feb 12, 2020

Well Paul's point was not that marriage interferes with your personal walk, but that it intrudes on your time to Act for God. That if you're caught up in taking care of a family you have less time to Serve God. Big difference. And that was meant as a suggestion.
It's not exactly a new idea, especially here as there is always at least one person on CC that loves to let everyone know, as often as possible, that they don't want to be married.
I really feel neither marriage nor singlehood should be pushed, but rather the pros and cons of Both choices should be more readily available. This way people can make more educated choices. Once someone begins pushing everyone to act in one manner it creates a problem (much how most churches push marriage, and cause singles to make bad choices in marriage parthers) as not all people are the same. Allow people to make educated choices and this will go much better.

Adstar · Feb 12, 2020

By the time i was 17 i had it pretty well figured out that i was not going to get married.. I took a long hard look at this world and the toxic man hating culture that had come to dominate the western world and i knew then that the prospects of finding a noble Christian wife was near on impossible.. The few Noble Christian woman in my community would be snapped up by men far more accomplished then me.. All that was left after they where gone was a mass of toxic feminist God hating nasty woman out to undermine and.. ""destroy the white patriarchy""..

Once i got over that moment of hard enlightenment i came to adjust to a single life fairly well.. I do think it is easier for a man to live a life as a single person.. Generally we don't have woman aggressively perusing us..

So once a man decides not to chase woman the pressure is off him and he can relax and enjoy the rest of his life in relative peace without having to deal romantically with the mass of modern day Jezebels..

zeroturbulence · Feb 12, 2020

Women have the convenience of saying they are married to Jesus or to God, and there is even a scipture where God says he is husband to the windows. But Jesus is not going to cuddle with you or make you breakfast or send you Valentine's gifts, or give you flowers on your anniversary, or send you sweet little texts or have dinner with you, or mow your lawn or have kids with you, or take care of you when you are sick in bed, etc....

Aerials1978 · Feb 12, 2020

zeroturbulence said:

Women have the convenience of saying they are married to Jesus or to God, and there is even a scipture where God says he is husband to the windows. But Jesus is not going to cuddle with you or make you breakfast or send you Valentine's gifts, or give you flowers on your anniversary, or send you sweet little texts or have dinner with you, or mow your lawn or have kids with you, etc....

Ah, a little humor is good for the soul.

Mel85 · Feb 13, 2020

Aerials1978 said:

PleAse.

A LOT of humour is good for the soul

Aerials1978 · Feb 13, 2020

Mel85 said:

I stand corrected! 😇

Mel85 · Feb 13, 2020

Aerials1978 said:

Hence why women are always right 😜

Aerials1978 · Feb 13, 2020

Mel85 said:

Adstar said:

By the time i was 17 i had it pretty well figured out that i was not going to get married.. I took a long hard look at this world and the toxic man hating culture that had come to dominate the western world and i knew then that the prospects of finding a noble Christian wife was near on impossible.. The few Noble Christian woman in my community would be snapped up by men far more accomplished then me.. All that was left after they where gone was a mass of toxic feminist God hating nasty woman out to undermine and.. ""destroy the white patriarchy""..

Once i got over that moment of hard enlightenment i came to adjust to a single life fairly well.. I do think it is easier for a man to live a life as a single person.. Generally we don't have woman aggressively perusing us..

So once a man decides not to chase woman the pressure is off him and he can relax and enjoy the rest of his life in relative peace without having to deal romantically with the mass of modern day Jezebels..

You have a point with regards to toxic feminism. I said hi to one of them the other day. My arraignment is in 2 weeks.

kinda · Feb 13, 2020

There is about a million other threads that are either the same topic, or in close proximity to this thread. They should have a sticky thread just for marriage and dating woes, thoughts, and etc. Wasn't trying to be rude, but come on...How many times can you re-phrase the same theme?

I would like to share some insight on the topic though..... Financially the middle class in America is in the dumpster. You may say, America is the richest country in the world. Is this so? Why does America owe people so much money, if we are rich? Debt is the opposite of wealth....Well, they are not best friends normally.

But, but, we are talking about marriage! Stay on topic, o.k.? Well, if the middle class is hurting financially, then many aren't typically in a good position to get married.

Remember the nursery rhyme in kindergarten? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Well, marriages, and baby carriages cost money. Lots of money! And expectations are through the roof thanks to culture and Hollywood. So, marriage needs to get a new look and to have new expectations, or marriage will be in constant disarray; Which includes high divorce rates, and low satisfactory experiences overall.

So, what's my point? Well, if you want to get married, then make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. This sounds unreasonable maybe. Well, think about it. If you worked on your spiritual, mental, physical, and financial health, you become more attractive to people. Maybe even so attractive that someone would be stupid not to marry you. Just keep working on improving yourself until you find your desired match. The worse thing that could happen to you is, that you become healthier and more successful. Marriage on the other hand, will always have a high level of risk.

Aerials1978 · Feb 13, 2020

kinda said:

Ouch. That’s a rough observation of modern marriages. While I do agree with some points you made, marriage as the Lord intended it is a Holy union between a man and a women. Two fleshes becoming one. This isn’t only for procreation, but we were created to have intimate(not always sexual) relationships. Christ explains this as He is the Bridegroom and the Church the Bride. A lot of couples whom claim to be Christians forsake this concept. Unfortunately once the marriage dissolves an individual realizes what a gift it really was from God. That is if they truly understand it’s special design and purpose.

Mel85 · Feb 13, 2020

kinda said:

There is about a million other threads that are either the same topic, or in close proximity to this thread. They should have a sticky thread just for marriage and dating woes, thoughts, and etc. Wasn't trying to be rude, but come on...How many times can you re-phrase the same theme?

I would like to share some insight on the topic though..... Financially the middle class in America is in the dumpster. You may say, America is the richest country in the world. Is this so? Why does America owe people so much money, if we are rich? Debt is the opposite of wealth....Well, they are not best friends normally.

But, but, we are talking about marriage! Stay on topic, o.k.? Well, if the middle class is hurting financially, then many aren't typically in a good position to get married.

Remember the nursery rhyme in kindergarten? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Well, marriages, and baby carriages cost money. Lots of money! And expectations are through the roof thanks to culture and Hollywood. So, marriage needs to get a new look and to have new expectations, or marriage will be in constant disarray; Which includes high divorce rates, and low satisfactory experiences overall.

So, what's my point? Well, if you want to get married, then make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. This sounds unreasonable maybe. Well, think about it. If you worked on your spiritual, mental, physical, and financial health, you become more attractive to people. Maybe even so attractive that someone would be stupid not to marry you. Just keep working on improving yourself until you find your desired match. The worse thing that could happen to you is, that you become healthier and more successful. Marriage on the other hand, will always have a high level of risk.

So what I got from your post is you gotta be successful in all areas of your life in order to get married?

Ruby123 · Feb 13, 2020

kinda said:

There is about a million other threads that are either the same topic, or in close proximity to this thread. They should have a sticky thread just for marriage and dating woes, thoughts, and etc. Wasn't trying to be rude, but come on...How many times can you re-phrase the same theme?

I would like to share some insight on the topic though..... Financially the middle class in America is in the dumpster. You may say, America is the richest country in the world. Is this so? Why does America owe people so much money, if we are rich? Debt is the opposite of wealth....Well, they are not best friends normally.

But, but, we are talking about marriage! Stay on topic, o.k.? Well, if the middle class is hurting financially, then many aren't typically in a good position to get married.

Remember the nursery rhyme in kindergarten? First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Well, marriages, and baby carriages cost money. Lots of money! And expectations are through the roof thanks to culture and Hollywood. So, marriage needs to get a new look and to have new expectations, or marriage will be in constant disarray; Which includes high divorce rates, and low satisfactory experiences overall.

So, what's my point? Well, if you want to get married, then make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex. This sounds unreasonable maybe. Well, think about it. If you worked on your spiritual, mental, physical, and financial health, you become more attractive to people. Maybe even so attractive that someone would be stupid not to marry you. Just keep working on improving yourself until you find your desired match. The worse thing that could happen to you is, that you become healthier and more successful. Marriage on the other hand, will always have a high level of risk.

I think Kinda wants to get married and have ten kids.😁🎈🎈

TheIndianGirl · Feb 13, 2020

The fact is most people including Christians see singles as "incomplete" if they are not married. Marriage is seen as a blessing, so singles are considered as less blessed by these people. Even if they do not see us as "incomplete," they see us as lonely, unhappy, have no support, struggling to get through life alone, etc. Single women (and possibly men also) are seen as unhappy if we do not have children, or if we seem happy it is because we are hiding our pain, etc. A lot of married people also find that they have the authority to comment on single versus married life, and say things such as "Marriage is better, I've been single before and I know that life", etc.

Can it be that married people do not trust God to provide for single people? I've always liked this response about being single:
https://billygraham.org/answer/does-god-want-me-to-be-single/

zeroturbulence said:

Not all marriages are like this. Many men do not really know how to take care of sick wives (divorce/infidelity rates are higher when the wife get sick). I do think it is better to better to be single than in a bad marriage.

Adstar said:

Are you going to a church? In my experience, there are always more single women than single men in church.

Did you guys ever consider to never get married?

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