NEED CHRISTIAN ADVICE PLS HELP

Ki · Jan 7, 2020

first thank you for reading and helping and many blessings to you!! Over a year ago I became pregnant and I tried to make things right by getting married to my now husband as time has gone on I have grown closer to God my husband has not been the most supportive and has said negative comments I have also found my husband talking to another women in a inappropriate way and have found him on dating apps and as well as escort pages he also has a problem with alcohol he drinks to go to sleep and uses alot of our money he refuses to let me see the money or have money I just recently found a job but before that I was disabled to work due to health issues I am at the point where I want to walk away but I know that is not honorable to God I really am in a toxic environment and the worst is seeming to come out of me I really need sound counsel on what to do pls help me figure this out would divorce be okay? Also me and my husband are very young I am 23 and he is 24 pls help me if you can God bless you all!

blue_ladybug · Jan 7, 2020

First of all, run-on sentences and lack of punctuation make it hard to read your post.

Using periods and commas would be much appreciated, as they would make it easier to read.

Second, hubby is cheating on you, AND has an issue with alcohol. He seems to want to maintain control of the finances, and over you by denying you access to money. Divorcing him is allowed by God, since he is cheating on you by perusing dating sites and escort pages..

Bingo · Jan 7, 2020

"Consequences of wrong decisions are not unusual, we are all subject to wrong decisions
on many fronts. Sacrifices are often necessary for ones peace and well being, and keeping
God in ones life, hopefully will be an inspiration of the right path to take to handle some
of life's difficulties. Let us hope and pray you find what is needed in your life for peace and well being,
and that perhaps you may find some encouragement within these pages of CC."

Nehemiah6 · Jan 7, 2020

Ki said:

Hello and Welcome Ki:
I'm really sorry to hear about this very bad situation. It looks like you need to walk away from this marriage. Please seek pastoral and legal counseling first, and if you can support yourself, then you do not need to remain in this toxic environment. You have sufficient grounds to leave.

WingsOfLight · Jan 7, 2020

I know exactly what it's like to be in a toxic environment due to a current situation. I'm really sorry. I personally do believe that God finds divorce acceptable in certain circumstances. He does not want you in a bad situation.
The Bible even says we need to take care of ourselves, as well as surround ourselves with people who make our lives good. I don't believe you are wrong.
I'm just sorry you have to go through this. You may want to form a close support network with friends and family. That is a huge help! Also , it's pretty unfair of him to talk negative about your faith and our Creator. I really wish you the best of luck, and feel free to come here and talk to us anytime.

Roughsoul1991 · Jan 7, 2020

Ki said:

I married young also. I was 21 and now 28. My wife was 18. Your husband may have fathered a child but being a husband and father has so much more responsibilities than just being there. His alcohol use is a direct sign he is definitely struggling with something internal. And his reaching out to other women can be a sign that he feels trapped or even his past dreams are slowly coming to the realization that his husband and father responsibilities are fading those dreams away. A lost and trapped soul that tries to drown the sorrow and by trying to break free from the commitments he feels trapped in.

Unfortunately the question becomes does he want a better relationship. And most of all do you still love him? Biblically if he is cheating then you have the grounds for divorce but have you prayed for him? Have you prayed for God's answer. How does God see him as his child. I cannot tell you what to do but God may have you right where you need to be in order to save his soul or even his life. He is young and will mistakes. God will forgive him and in a strange way we are called to forgive others in order to release the pain and release the constraints they hold on our soul.

Yes you may have to move on but in that be prepared to forgive and continually to show God's grace. Not as a doormat but in a higher spirituality that grows us in joy and grace in all circumstances. This by no means ignores his sins but in the acknowledgment that we are all sinners and deserve God's judgment. Your marriage may very well end in divorce but with a child involved it is hardly ever simple and will take you being prepared for whatever the evil one tries to throw your way. That is his goal to destroy you and your marriage. Dont give up but spiritually bombard the forces of evil around your marriage through strict prayers, fasting, and spiritual guidance. Nuke it and expect God to move in your husband. Let your light infiltrate into his very soul. Let your love and grace turn his life upside down. And no matter what happens it will be by no lack on the spiritual front.

Be blessed.

Subhumanoidal · Jan 7, 2020

Ki said:

Unfortunately marriage due to pregnancy doesn't set anything "right". That's a false idea often promoted by Christian's that holds no biblical significance. More often than not, as you're learning, it actually creates more problems than it solves.
He's clearly cheating. I'd say that's a good reason to walk away, even biblically.

3angelsmsg · Jan 9, 2020

It seems everybody nowadays wants the easy way out and are looking for the loopholes to be released from their commitment.

Even if you have ground for divorce, do you have so little faith in God to restore your marriage or were your faith never in God in the first place. Were your expectations that your spouse will bring you happiness?

A worst time, is coming on the earth as never before. Let us use these diversity and circumstances to grow and prepare for the dreadful day of the Lord.

Let us get our focus on being ready.

Butterflyyy · Jan 9, 2020

Dear Sister

I'm sorry to here about your situation....
The Bible says you can leave, and it speaks about later reconciling if possible.

If he has cheated on you then you are Biblically allowed to divorce.

If he is looking at the stuff you have described then it is very likely it's only a matter of time before it comes to fruition in his life.

I personally would pray for direction and leave; I would go to a safe place like my parents and seek the Lord every step of the way. It was good advice in a previous post to go to a Pastor and his wife who you can trust. You need prayer and emotional support.
Always remember, God loves you and He is faithful; keep loving and trusting Him.
God bless you 🦋xx

Butterflyyy · Jan 9, 2020

Roughsoul1991 said:

I married young also. I was 21 and now 28. My wife was 18. Your husband may have fathered a child but being a husband and father has so much more responsibilities than just being there. His alcohol use is a direct sign he is definitely struggling with something internal. And his reaching out to other women can be a sign that he feels trapped or even his past dreams are slowly coming to the realization that his husband and father responsibilities are fading those dreams away. A lost and trapped soul that tries to drown the sorrow and by trying to break free from the commitments he feels trapped in.

Unfortunately the question becomes does he want a better relationship. And most of all do you still love him? Biblically if he is cheating then you have the grounds for divorce but have you prayed for him? Have you prayed for God's answer. How does God see him as his child. I cannot tell you what to do but God may have you right where you need to be in order to save his soul or even his life. He is young and will mistakes. God will forgive him and in a strange way we are called to forgive others in order to release the pain and release the constraints they hold on our soul.

Yes you may have to move on but in that be prepared to forgive and continually to show God's grace. Not as a doormat but in a higher spirituality that grows us in joy and grace in all circumstances. This by no means ignores his sins but in the acknowledgment that we are all sinners and deserve God's judgment. Your marriage may very well end in divorce but with a child involved it is hardly ever simple and will take you being prepared for whatever the evil one tries to throw your way. That is his goal to destroy you and your marriage. Dont give up but spiritually bombard the forces of evil around your marriage through strict prayers, fasting, and spiritual guidance. Nuke it and expect God to move in your husband. Let your light infiltrate into his very soul. Let your love and grace turn his life upside down. And no matter what happens it will be by no lack on the spiritual front.

Be blessed.

NB: if he is cheating she could get Aids

Roughsoul1991 · Jan 9, 2020

Butterflyyy said:

She will do what she is led to do. It is her choice. As I said she is Biblically allowed to divorce under her circumstances but not all spouses go that route. God will lead her where He wants her to go. Jesus forgave the adulterer and even the woman who had been married like 6 times and cohabiting with the 7th. So just by Jesus's life tends to cause the most crazy testimonies that we would of never thought possible. I remember one story where the man had cheated and got the other girl pregnant. The man was a new pastor until he admitted to the sin. His wife eventually not easily forgave him as God led her to do so after seeing his great remorse. Eventually all 3 came to good place because the husband still had a new child responsiblity. The wife now treats the other child as if it was her own also.

This sounds crazy but in God crazy things occur. Out of the betrayal and tragedy of heartache created a testimony of great forgiveness and love out of the most in our opinion undeserving circumstances. The husband by no means didn't reap what he had sown in sin as his sin came to light for all his congregation and family. Plus all the years of drama and healing that took place to get to this testimony.

This is the type of testimony that is hard for us to understand like when a Pastor forgives a mass murderer who shot up his church killing people un his congregation including his own daughter.

None of this makes sense to the outside world. Most want revenge or hate.

The OPs husband fully deserves the consequences of his sins. But ultimately it is still always up to how the other spouse handles the situation.

Roughsoul1991 · Jan 9, 2020

Butterflyyy said:

I found the testimony. I first heard the couple speak in the radio but the in depth story is even more crazy.

"
In 2002, Cindy Beall was a happily married wife to Chris, her husband of nine years. Chris had been on staff with a church in Oklahoma City for only six weeks when he made a confession that would change their lives forever: He had been unfaithful with multiple women over the course of two and a half years, and he was pretty sure one of those women was now pregnant with his child. He also admitted an addiction to pornography.
His complete inability to control his addiction had left Chris utterly broken, humbled, and repentant. Over the course of several weeks and much prayer, Cindy sensed God calling her to stay in her marriage. The following is an excerpt from her book, Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken, which tells the story of how God redeemed their marriage, making it “better than new.”

https://www.familylife.com/articles...fidelity/forgiving-your-spouse-after-adultery

Whispered · Jan 9, 2020

Ki,

for you.

Butterflyyy · Jan 10, 2020

Roughsoul1991 said:

Well God gives us the choice and the right to do it, and I would not stay in a marriage with an adulterer, no matter what testimonies you find.

Deuteronomy 24:4
then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.

Jeremiah 3:1
If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him to marry another, can he ever return to her? Would not such a land be completely defiled? But you have played the harlot with many lovers—and you would return to Me?” declares the LORD.

We will have to disagree on this sorry.

GdaxBbb · Jan 10, 2020

We’re under grace I wouldn’t be quoting the Old Testament law, unless you want to go down a rabbit hole of quoting genocidial verses along the way.

Divorce was created out of mans hard hearts as is everything that appeases the flesh.

God 1st priority is grace and love to the undeserving. Seems majority of people’s responses is run, leave.

Maybe god should of just run left us as soon as we sinned against him and called it quits.

The real issue here is the child. The child now becomes priority over everyone’s needs.

So if you think your child will be in harm then I would consider leaving. Harm could mean physical and also emotional what kind of a life will he / she have growing up in that environment.

OneOfHis · Jan 10, 2020

Ki said:

Honestly it is a lovely thing you are seeking God's will in this and I can only imagine how much pain you've felt over this.

If you are God's child and divorce your husband who is causing so much pain and danger and unstability in your life, you would still be God's daughter.

That does not make it "ok". This is a huge painful experience for everyone involved. A child growing up without a father is an awful thing.

But... a child growing up with an abusive father and a miserable defeated mother in a house filled with sin is worse....

You are both so young and this is not an easy black or white thing in my opinion. I think you have the correct idea, you are seeking God's will in regards to divorce from a marriage as toxic as the one you chose to enter as a very young woman.

Gods design for marriage did not originally have divorce, and much of what's said in regards to what makes divorce "ok" is actually according to the laws of moses and given by permission because the hardness of mans hearts... (not only those who grow tired and throw a wife or husband away but many hard hearts will be mentally or physically abusive and unfaithful and lustful and waste all of what God provides and hinder your walk)....

Marriage is supposed to last forever because it is an amazing symbol of us as His bride.

He will not leave us more surely than hosea didnt leave the woman who treated him like dirt..... but.... I suggest spending a lot of time in prayer before you make a final decision....

You don't want this man who obviously doesn't care one lick about God's will in his unfaithfulness to be your "head"....

If you can not bare to look at him after his abuse of alcohol and unfaithfulness.... leaving him may indeed help your walk...

(but I dont know his side... I dont know what hes actually done and you need to be honest with yourself and look for what God wants you to see, not what you want to see)

OneOfHis · Jan 10, 2020

3angelsmsg said:

They may not desire a restored marriage with someone who has betrayed them time and time again. The same person who lies over and over to use and manipulate the trusting.
In the real world there are people better left behind, wife, husband, mother, father.

This is not a "faith" issue in many cases.

"Were your expectations that your spouse will bring you happiness"

What about constant fear and sadness? What about they steal any joy in Christ you have for years while laughing at your faith and cheating on you?

What about physical abuse or drug addictions that lead to all your lifes work being spent in a month?

I look forward to Christ coming back, I won't be caught pointing my finger at others while I know He is what separates me from those who will face wrath...

GdaxBbb · Jan 10, 2020

@OneOfHis

Right I never thought of the other aspect if it causes you to sin through your emotions is it better to leave? If you're constantly, angry, resentful, and filled with other negative ungodly emotions, is it better to leave and not sin?

Or just become a better person so you don't get those emotions anymore?

but I agree i think in her circumstance the child's needs should be put first, I grew up fatherless and turned out fine, as long as you love and care for your child is all that matters, I'm pretty sure I would of turned out utterly messed up if I grew up in a dysfunctional home.

You can always get find some sort of father figure for your son, so he doesn't grow up ultra feminine and have any identity issues.

OneOfHis · Jan 10, 2020

GdaxBbb said:

God's will is first.
He loves the mother and the child.

Separation appart from divorce can be possible, but this is an issue that is between those who God joined together and God.....

It's above my pay grade and wouldn't blame sin so much as a completely tilted walk.

Where as you could be using what God provides to help, you are left in their debt. You could be teaching your child important things... but now are being screamed at for something someone else did...
You could be happy and a joyful witness of He who loved you first... where now your sorrow is so strong youre crying inside when you arent outside....

I can't say what is best for anyone including myself. I'd need God to help me....

People can really hurt eachother when we don't look to Him first....

OneOfHis · Jan 10, 2020

GdaxBbb said:

I grew up in a messed up household (dysfunctional would be an understatement) and I made a lot of bad choices.

God turned me around in my early 20's out of what felt like no where, one month I cared about what felt good, the next month I was drawn to the truth of Christ.

I was convicted... then I became a bible thumping works salvationist, then He delivered me from that years later. Now I am a born again believer in Christ.

You make a gopd point about how important a stable home is...
I won't act as if I wouldn't have loved a home that was more in line with what God would want for us..... but I believe He can save us from any background...

NEED CHRISTIAN ADVICE PLS HELP

New member

Senior Member

Well-known member

Senior Member

Well-known member

Senior Member

Well-known member

3angelsmsg

Guest

Well-known member

Well-known member

Senior Member

Senior Member

Well-known member

Well-known member

Banned

Well-known member

Well-known member

Banned

Well-known member

Well-known member