Hi, this evening a few times, I have heard voices coming from outside my apartment telling me things like I am in hell or there are people who know I am in hell. It really is testing my mind, throwing up thoughts that the world around me is actually gone and that this is hell. It's so frightening to think about. I have prayed though and felt much better but I don't want to keep this to myself, I need to keep connections with my brothers and sister - I value privacy and solitude but seeking those things has often led into isolation for me, making me vulnerable to attack.
I remembered the Pastor preaching just yesterday the verse about the gates of hell not even prevailing against the church. I hear positive voices, some of which I think are calling me for a very special purpose and that could be the reason for the relentless attack against my mind.
Dear Jason,
I am so sorry that you have been afflicted in this way. I have struggled similarly in the past (and truth be told, it still affects me sometimes). Trauma is perhaps the hardest thing to overcome. When it is paired with shame from sin, things can get very messy. I remember just earlier this year I was living a very worldly lifestyle. This made me more susceptible to the enemy's influence. For a long time he told me horrible things about myself and the world around me. Remember that Satan is a liar and is even known as the accuser. The horrible things you are hearing are not from God. You can rest quietly in the knowledge that what the voices are saying is not true. I know it is so much more difficult than just that, for it probably feels as if you are being attacked incessantly. Remember that the Lord is on your side and that He cannot be defeated! I pray that you will be able to take solace in His loving and gentle presence.
As others have said, you are completely safe in the presence of the Lord. No trauma, sin, or attack from the enemy can take you out of His mighty hand.
Zephaniah 3:17 says, "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty One who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing." Remember that no matter how loud these voices are, the singing of the Lord, who delights in you, will always be louder!
The greatest piece of advice I can give you as someone who also suffers from trauma and intrusive thoughts is that you are not just being mercilessly attacked by the enemy. You are fighting a spiritual battle, and with God on your side, you are winning! I encourage you as you strive to follow Christ's light. Be wary that the enemy may fight back harder as you continue to read the Bible, attend church, pray, and engage in fellowship with other believers. This is because he realizes he is losing!
Remain steadfast and vigilant, knowing that the Lord "trains [your] hands for war, [your] fingers for battle" (Psalm 144:1). I encourage you also to find a devotional that you can read every day. I read
Jesus Calling. Also I urge you to read (or perhaps re-read) the Book of Psalms. You can download the YouVersion Bible app and even listen to it on audiobook for free! When the voice of the enemy is loud, make the Word louder.
There are also many Christian songs that I enjoy listening to when I am feeling overcome by Satan's cruel words. Here are a few: Voice of Truth (Casting Crowns), On Eagles Wings (John Michael Talbot), Hold Me Near (Enter The Worship Circle), Psalm 18 (Robbie Seay Band), Tremble (Bethel Music), Waymaker (Michael W. Smith), Sons and Daughters (Iron Bell Music), Bigger Than (For All Seasons), Safe Place (Enter the Worship Circle), It Is Well (Bethel Music), Good & Loved (Travis Greene), Stand In Your Love (Radio Version), Who You Say I Am (Hillsong Worship), You Are Mine (Enter The Worship Circle), Psalm 46 (Bifrost Arts), and Be Not Afraid (John Michael Talbot).
I also urge you to continue seeking therapy and the fellowship of other brothers and sisters in Christ. It is true that you are fighting a battle alongside God. Know that you are also fighting alongside friends! Don't be afraid to continue seeking help. It is so brave that you cried out for help in the first place. Many people have expressed concern for your mental health in this thread. Know that each person's brain is very different and what your brain is doing isn't inherently wrong or evil. What you are experiencing may be spiritual oppression and mental illness, but you are not a bad person for struggling with either of those. I am saying this as a sister in Christ who struggles with both.
I will keep you in my prayers. Remember that you will find safety and rest in the shadow of our Lord's wings.