Hello UWC, I have some thoughts on these subjects I would like to share. I am a former alcoholic and I am almost allergic to it. I have gone with a brother, in fact my former sponsor in AA, to a communion in his Methodist church. They used real wine, but so little it was not an issue. I even use the salted cooking wine for cooking. One little glass of wine will defile no one. Like another said, wine only mocks if abused.
As far as women being religious leaders, I am like you I feel scripture is plain on the subject. That said, I don't let my belief get in the way if a woman has something for me from God. I respect them very much and actually set them above approach for most things. Those I fellowship with do not allow women ordained to preach.
I have seen some women married to a man that was less spiritually inclined. Sometimes they simply took over the spiritual leadership of their household, but I rarely saw a blessed household as a result. Others spiritually stronger than their husbands got with their man and presented themselves as a union to those around them. She made sure her man kept the lead but made them both better because of her strength. That is a true Proverbs 31 woman.