I'm too slow

I've kept wasting away telling myself I'm not ready for God yet. I waste myself away in distraction seemingly ceaselessly until God comes to save me and tells me his truth so I can stop wasting away. I put on mental earmuffs which block out God's "I love you"'s at times and I'm fearful that I can never truly stay with him like I wish I would. God keeps holding me and I keep telling him I love him, but I worry and stress in those moments wondering if I'm too sinful to ever be worship him like that again. I lack self confidence in that, and while it feels like God is constantly asking me to follow him, I feel like I could never do it. Going to God successfully and living the life I should with him feels like a dream, it feels impossible. God's teaching me and helping me grow, and in the end I will always run to him, but I fear I'll never be as close as I should and sacrifice enough of my wants for him

Hi...
Are you reading Gods word , are you born again ...
Maybe you could give us a little bit about your walk , I mean , are you a born again Christian...xox...

I've read God's word, but I haven't been reading it much now, but I've still talked to God. I'm a born again christian, but I've been stressed about if I'd be able to get close enough to him all the time. Sometimes when God teaches me something I write it in notes. I guess I've just been scared of not being with him, I've wanted to him to be in my thoughts at all times, but I've been scared I can't do it and I'll get distracted and think of something else. These fears have become reality at times...

I've been stuck watching youtube videos and playing video games instead of spending more time meditating and praying with God. I feel disappointed in myself for that...

Hi,

If you are struggling to do it by yourself ask a group leader to go through with the bible with you. I find it hard sometimes to read the bible by myself as I have a lot of questions. I always ask my youth group leader and he is always ready to answer any questions I have. Also, go to church more and you will be encouraged to do more bible study as you will be spending time with people who are Christian s. Hope that helps.

Perhaps it's time to reevaluate your standards. Are you using biblical standards or ones you've fabricated to determine these ideas?
It seems to me anyone willing to be used by God and willing to surrender is exactly where God wants them.
It seems to me you've set up a false idea of how you "should" feel and bypassed the biblical standards that say "just believe and have faith".
Go read the story of Moses. A story about a man who felt entirely unworthy and incapable of being used by God, yet went on to be one of the most notable people in the bible.

Thank you for replying! I wanted to be perfect too much and kept saying, "I should flawlessly follow God," but then I only got stressed and worried and worried... Thank you for helping me out! God bless you

The Bible is now on CD, Play it while you play.

There are also WPM typing test sites where you can type the KJV. Dual purpose of becoming a more proficient typist and Isa 55:11.

Isaiah 55:10-11

Hello Michael, God says over and over in his word to "fear not", it might be helpful to do a word study on this topic, to get it deep down in your spirit, and worry is the opposite of faith, so read the word so your faith will increase , and try studying this , believe it, meditate on it, concentrate on it, http://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/141127-who-does-god-say-i-am-christ.html#post2773202

Do not despair. Remember that you cannot love your enemies on your own power, or worship and pray of your own accord. It's only by the power of God's Spirit that we do these things. Jesus has started the good work in you for HIS glory, and He is able to complete it. Just by the fact that this worries you and that you want to be closer to God and firmer in your walk, witnesses that you are the new creature. It's a process of spiritual growth, Christians that get instantly changed into spiritual giants as soon as they believe, are rare. For most of us, it's a lot of trusting, tears, repentance, holding on to God's promises in the Bible, and resisting the flesh. The old nature doesn't give up so easily. Gets laid down by the cross but it wants to still live, like some zombie! But don't worry follow Jesus and put your hopes in Him - it will eventually go away...
Focus on Jesus and trusting Jesus rather than your own shortcomings. And yes like others pointed out, renewal of the mind by God's word will help. There are beautiful audio versions of the Bible, dramatized KJV is great, or you can start with Gospel movies some of them follow verse by verse to get you going. Both is available on YouTube.

This is the verse that really helped me, I held onto it when I was at the spot where you are now.
Exodus 23:30 By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land...

None of us are “perfect” Christians, we all fail in life at times and we all have moments where we don’t want to do something that god is clearly telling us to do. I get it.... I’m in that boat myself and it’s very difficult for me at times to focus on God’s word when I have time to myself (mind you, I have a 2 year old as well) so my “free time” come very far and in between, and I also work full time.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing what God has called me to do, and other times I feel completely and utterly blessed like I HAVE fulfilled everything he wants me to do, and I think to myself.. how’s that even possible when I’m just in my early 30’s?

I obviously have a LOT more maturing to do, both in the reality world and in gods kingdom, but my quote I always say is....

“I’m a work in progress 😊”.

Hope that helps you in some way.