I've kept wasting away telling myself I'm not ready for God yet. I waste myself away in distraction seemingly ceaselessly until God comes to save me and tells me his truth so I can stop wasting away. I put on mental earmuffs which block out God's "I love you"'s at times and I'm fearful that I can never truly stay with him like I wish I would. God keeps holding me and I keep telling him I love him, but I worry and stress in those moments wondering if I'm too sinful to ever be worship him like that again. I lack self confidence in that, and while it feels like God is constantly asking me to follow him, I feel like I could never do it. Going to God successfully and living the life I should with him feels like a dream, it feels impossible. God's teaching me and helping me grow, and in the end I will always run to him, but I fear I'll never be as close as I should and sacrifice enough of my wants for him
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