I fear God more than I do love Him

What does Luke 10:20 mean to you

"Rejoice that your name is written in heaven"

God want us to rejoice

He also says, "If you love me, you will obey my commands."

Regardless of whether or not you love somebody, they will always let you down in the end. Even God will disappoint us and let us down, at least from our point of view.

So why bother with people when all they bring with them is baggage and selfishness?

What is God to you, or who do you think God is?

I said it would seem like from our limited point of view that he would be letting us down. A lot of people in the bible certainly felt that way, regardless of whether or not they knew their point of view is limited.

God is my God and Jesus is my Savior. He's not my "lover," he's not my "friend," nothing else except my first sentence.

God is not obligated to do anything for me and owes me nothing. He was being nice by sending Jesus to die on the cross. Some people may see God's hand at work in this world. Sure, there might be some. But how do we not know most of these things are merely happy coincidences? Like I said, God owes us nothing.

The only true benefit of being a Christian is that you won't suffer in the next life along with this current one. Other than that, it's pretty cut and dry. Being a Christian does not make you happier, it doesn't make you more moral, it doesn't make you more fulfilled. It doesn't take away your problems. If anything it just adds more. It doesn't do any of that stuff no matter how much we shout it from the pulpits.

While some may see all of this as being cynical, I view it as being realistic. I hear of people who just became Christians and I was like, "You just wait. They'll find out what they really signed up for later."

We love because he first loved us (1 John 4:19)

I have called you friends (John 15:15)

In all honesty, I think this fear of God may come from something else.

I've always been a good girl. I've never slept with anyone. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I don't watch porn. I don't steal what isn't mine. I've never done anything illegal, at least not on purpose.

I've never done these things because it always felt like common sense to me. The consequences of all these things were obvious and I didn't want the same thing happening to me.

I've never wanted to do any of these things, nor do I want to now. I empathize easily with others and don't want to hurt people (at least not unnecessarily).

Even so, I have a bit of a rebellious streak. I didn't care what everyone else in school was doing. And while I did (and still do) want to love people by not doing these things, I wonder if the more personal threats of a bad reputation and a criminal record just rang louder, and continue to do so.

I suppose I fear God cause he has all the power in the universe. And I know I'm not a perfect person who can't save myself, but I also don't want to be assimilated or controlled.

As a fictional writer, every time I see a utopia in a story created, it always ends up a nightmare in some way. The ones at the top usually have sinister intentions however much they claim to care about the people they're supposed to serve.

I know that I should know God is perfect and not like those people. But when you read about the abuse of power for so long and in so many ways, the very idea suffers guilt by association.

I want to love God. I seriously do. But I feel like the only thing keeping me a Christian is, well, for one I've been a Christian for 8 years now. Still, I think the stronger reason is the threat of hell and the threat of divine judgment. It might not be a great motivation but it's a motivation nonetheless.

Even so, I sometimes wonder if I'll just eventually be revealed to be a fraud, and that God won't understand where I'm coming from; or he will but will judge me nonetheless.

I know I'm just another face in a sea of mortals. I am aware of how truly insignificant I am in this vast universe. I know it's a terrible thing to fall into the hands of the living God. I know all of this.

Yet I fear God won't care cause I don't have enough devotion or affection toward him and only want to be a Christian because the alternative is far more terrifying.

God is so big you can be lost in Him,
but at the same time you can be found in Him

*sigh* I tried

I appreciate your efforts, seriously. This is all very complicated. Keep praying for me.

There is no obligation with love, it is not love if one feels obligated. Sending Jesus was not being nice it was love.

Although you can't see GOD In the physical way,know that GOD sees you and HE still loves you.It doesn't matter where you go,to the bathroom,etc...HE looked beyond your faults and HE saw our need.

Historyprincess, I just want you to know that you're not alone. I relate completely with your words. I suffer many doubts about my faith, I dont know where to start. I too have been raised in a christian family and I know many things about scripture. I personally struggle with a specific sin and.. I always want to do what's right but end up giving in to temptation. I can talk all day about my struggles, doubts, and troubles with my faith but I will keep this short. I am constantly troubled about my personal issue, and it is an unhealthy thing for a teenage boy like me. By the things you said, I'd assume you also struggle with a certain thing in your life? How are you today? It's been 3 years so far since your post

This is my testimony concerning God's love. Make of it what you want.
I received Jesus into my heart when I was 15. I believed John 3:16. Though I never stopped believing, I soon wandered as I knew no Christians. When I was 31, I turned to God and went to a church for a year. After that, I got angry at Him and turned away.
2 years later, I found myself alone in a strange city, addicted to crack and unable to stop, realizing I was going to die. I turned back to Him, not knowing if He'd want me back. But I had no choice. I began a 4-month search for Him.
One day, I wandered into a church I knew nothing about, except that I'd been told that they wouldn't look down on me because I wore jeans and had longish hair. After the service, we were given an opportunity to go up front for prayer. So I did.
I was the first one to get prayed for. What happened next literally knocked me off of my feet. But before that happened, I had an experience with our heavenly Father. He let me know that even though He knew everything about me, He accepted me unconditionally.
He showed me a blood-covered rainbow-shaped arch that went from the start of my life to the end of it. Because of the faith He'd given me in what Jesus did on the cross, I am His son...period! If you believe that Jesus died to pay the price for your sin, then you are His son, too. For eternity.
The type of fear that I have for God is a reverential awe of Him. I'm always His son...even when I mess up. Some will say that what I'm talking about is a license to sin. Maybe with some, but not with me.
I love Him in response to His love for me. Jesus says that if we love Him, we'll obey Him. He's perfect and I'm not. All that I am and all that I'm not, I gladly give to Him.
I'm in my 60s now, chronically ill and mostly alone. He's all I have. He's all I need Him to be. I know that I'm going to spend eternity with Him because of what He's done. I can't help what some others may say...I trust what I know He has shown me. And when I look at the bible from the right perspective, it confirms this.
I no longer allow the various doctrines of others to mess me up. I've read the bible many times and it no longer scares me. It is indeed good news! My prayer is that my story can help you realize that His love is greater than our sin and faults.
This song has helped me. I hope it helps you.

Beautiful testimony brother , full of hope...
...xox...

Having been on the receiving end of divine chastening, I know what you mean OP.

Despite that, I still choose Christ.

I have heard that hard drug use can pull back the veil between this reality and the spiritual one that exists alongside it. Too many people have similar trips for what they are seeing to be coincidence and sometimes the sights drive them mad.

I feel like by God's grace you have seen some other things, the good side I mean, and maybe your testimony gives a hint as to why. Thank you for sharing your story.

History Princess...of course you are His daughter. Sorry about that.

Thank you everyone who replied. I've gotten a little better in the past 3 years, but I'm still not over it.

Another big problem I have is that, I honestly don't believe God wants me to be happy. And don't give me that BS on "he wants us to be joyful, not happy" (I've read enough to prove that that's nonsense), or "oh you're just being lukewarm and disobedient" (I've read enough to prove that that too is nonsense).

I find too many flaws in the secular worldview, but I find just as many flaws in having a Christian worldview. The secular worldview says, "Take, take, take." A Christian worldview says "give, give, give." There's no middle ground, ever.