Hey can a fellow Christian help me?

Here is the rest of my post: Do you think it would be okay to try & reach out to him in 6-7 months? We got in a fight about how he broke his promises & he said that I broke my promises too & he said he didn't wanna block me but he will if I didn't give him time & space, I told him he might as well block me that he didn't love me anymore, & so he blocked me on facebook & instagram. He didn't reply to my text messages either. I haven't seen him in over 2 months. He also said something that confused me, he said "Someday I'll explain myself to you. But I can't right now." What does this mean? He already explained why he broke up with me, what else is there to explain?

Even though he wasn't a Christian like me, I miss him like crazy. Even though he was an Athiest, he was not like the other jerks I dated who were abusive to me. He was kind, sweet, & a gentleman to me, we had a lot of fun together & he made me laugh & smile. He even told his friends how much we have in common & that I was an awesome girl. All that has changed now. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me. It makes me cry how he doesn't love me anymore. He said one time that he was sad that I didn't love him anymore, but now I am sad that he doesn't love me anymore, he was the one who ended it. He went from saying I was the nicest girl he's ever met, to saying I was evil & calling me names. I'm so heartbroken. Why can't he think of the good times that we had like how we laughed & played Kendama & we were kind & sweet to one another & we went for drives to the snowy mountains & we went to the movies & had an amazing time at the state fair playing games, riding the rollercoaster & eating fairfood, how he held my hand when we were together & hugged me & how we went to look at the Christmas lights, why can't he remember all of the good times instead of the not so good times? He said he wil always remember how I taught him to take better care of himself by doing his laundry more & buying more clothes for himself & going grocery shopping. He said he wasn't happy a lot he threatened suicide a lot when we were fighting. He always thought he was fat & ugly. I would tell him he was handsome all the time I was his biggest cheerleader I tried to make him feel better about himself. I truly believe that we loved eachother. We sent eachother cute texts all the time, we would hug & kiss & say how much we missed eachother, it wasn't all just fighting. But all he can think about is the fighting he won't think about the good memories we've had =(

I've done everything I can. I've emailed him & gave him a heartfelt apology. I told him I was sorry about everything, I took ownership of how it was my fault the relationship ended & that I was so sorry & I should of treated him with more respect. I told him I was bettering my life & getting my OCD under control, that I was getting closer to God & going back to church, that I was exercising everyday, I told him I was sorry for starting fights with him, I told him that I was sorry for depending on him for everything & for depending on him for my happiness, I told him I wish I had another chance to make it right because I'm different now I've really been trying to find happiness & be a better person, I told him I know that he probably won't get back together with me but when he is ready can he give me a chance to be his friend? I said I know that if we were to hang out as friends I would not cause any fights with him at all that I would be in a good mood & we could go hang out at the park for awhile & then he could go home after that, I have learned my lesson in not starting fights because it led to him breaking up with me, so I would be on my best behavior if we were to hang out as friends. I said I still want him in my life even if we are just friends, I can't imagine never seeing him ever again. It brings me to tears. How can someone who loved me, who I thought I would marry, do this to me? He saw me cry, he saw me have panic attacks, but he still broke my heart. I understand that he was tired of me saying "I'll change" & then I ended up yelling at him or sleeping all day, I understand that it's my fault he left. But he also said that even if we didn't fight or anything every weekend, he would still miss hanging out with his friends & that could of caused a break up too, he said he needs to be around his family & friends again. One of the last things he said to me was that we can be friends someday but not right now, that he doesn't know when we can be friends but he needed time to heal from me & he told me to move on. There's no way I can talk to him because he blocked me on facebook & instagram. What do I do now? All I can do is wait, he won't talk to me or email me back.... my heart is broken. I know that if a man wants to talk to you, he will. If a man wants to be with you, he will. If a man wants to make things work, he will. That you shouldn't have to beg a man because he will chase after your own heart if he wanted to. But it's so tormenting because I love him, if I didn't love him I wouldn't care if he broke up with me I wouldn't care about talking to him again. But he is all I ever think about, I beg God all the time for him to talk to me, I just wanna be his friend, it doesn't even have to be a sexual relationship, I just wanna spend time with him. I'm afraid that I'll never get the chance to make it right again because I messed up.

Please if you can give me any advice I would really appreciate it, I'm so sad. I don't want to live the rest of my life without him...

Honestly I stopped at "cat poop everywhere, poop in the toilet because it didn't flush, moldy dishes, not being able to do laundry because his sister always was doing laundry, not being able to use restroom or take a shower when I wanted to..."

I stopped there for two reasons. First, such a large chunk of text with no paragraph breaks is what is known as a "wall of text" and is quite tedious to read. Second, I had already decided to advise you ditch this guy. Everything I had read until then, from the arguments to the unsanitary conditions to... just everything, all of it was unhealthy in so many ways.

Objecting to all that stuff is not evidence of you having OCD. Let him go and be grateful.

If that's what he said then you should get rid of him. A man who really loves you would never say that he's almost done with you and threaten to leave you if you don't change.

That was at least one thing he said that was accurate. Life, it do keep going on.

And about the wall-of-text, really it wasn't me being rude. It was a helpful hint. Few people will bother to slog through a wall-of-text. But sure, you're free to keep posting them if you want.

A person who says things like that does not truly care about you. They only care about what makes them happy. I'm sorry to tell you this.

Sounds like you have bigger issues than this guy. Let him go and get some people (mentors, counselors, solid friends who you want to be like) to help guide you sorting your own issues out. Because most of your story reads like a train wreck in progress and like someone who does things she knows are wrong but doesn't care what the consequences are.

Best advice is probably to temporarily remove yourself from the dating realm until you can reapproach it with a solid sense of your own value and worth. Oh and friends with benefits will never get you a proper healthy relationship, be glad this guy is decent enough to have called it off instead of continuing to just use you for sex.

Personally I think you dodged a bullet. Imagine if y'all had married and you were stuck in situations like that for the rest of your life!

Have a bowl of ice cream to celebrate your freedom from a downright squalid future, then find a better guy. Or don't find a better guy... people live alone all the time and survive and even find they can be happy. But definitely have a bowl of ice cream and celebrate getting out of that situation.

I recommend mint-chocolate, but banana-nut is good too.

What do you mean issues? I have stated that I'm getting my OCD under control & going back to Church. have you not read this part? I am also not going to have sexual relations out of marriage, & have repented like I said for sex out of marriage. It seems you are very quick to judge me.

Yes, I know friends with benefits is not good that's why I said I sinned if you would of read my story.

Not hate, but he was much more concerned with his own happiness than with yours. Sometimes a person can be attached to someone without deeply caring about that person. That kind of person only likes you when everything's going well and doesn't like you if you can't be what they want you to be or if you can't do what they want. Stay away from people like that. A truly caring man will understand what you're going through and try to help you, not threaten to leave.

So that's why he ended it instead of having us go on a break? He didn't love me enough to give me another chance?

He said he will always love me before he broke up with me.

Well he said he couldn't be my boyfriend because he couldn't be who I wanted him to be. I don't know what that means. I guess because he got tired of me depending on him? He couldn't help me anymore? He said he wanted to have a fresh start & be single. He would be mean to me when I asked for rides to get grocery pick up (& half the food I bought was for him) he would be mean when I asked for rides to places & told me "I'm not your chauffeur I don't wanna be driving you around all day I have things to do also" or I think what he said along those lines of some sort.

He told me that he put up with me for a year & he couldn't take the fighting anymore. So someone who truly cares about you will stick with you even when you guys are fighting, they will separate & give eachother space to work things out but not break up with them forever?

He said he would always love you before he broke up with you... is a self-contradicting statement.

If you're going to argue with everybody who says something you don't automatically agree with, you're never going to see any perspective but your own. Only when you LISTEN to what people are saying will you see different perspectives.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. But yes, you got that last part right. The first part you wrote shows that he really didn't feel a deep love for you. It was just superficial (shallow).