i have no feelings...i do say that i love God but i quickly remember what the Bible says about those who hate their brother if they say that they love God , are liars. I have no feelings...am tired of the walk...there's a lonely grand dad in our home who longs to see me and yet , i don't enter his room to visit him ...i infact sometimes hate some people's evil minds so much that i am disgusted at their entire person and avoid them like my brother.
i find this as a great obstacle in my walk with God..i have asked many times to God - (ask God how many times i would have asked the same thing..i hope His tympanic membrane is intact) that He should change my heart.
But i have this un-quenched thirst within me...now.
Confusion is at its peak....at 3 am today my mom told me that i woke up saying "mama , mama i am mentally confused" and went back to sleep. I don't even remember this.
my heart is beating...yet i feel so dead. i have so many blessings , yet as though missing the whole point of life.
Man, I want to say just the right thing, just be able to put the answer right out there for you, but you're right, and each and this- "people's evil minds so much that i am disgusted at their entire person and avoid them like my brother.", is how we are all in truth. We transgress so willingly and give God no honor, we truly are wretched things lost outside Christ, no matter how we look on the outside. But He still loved us just like this, "that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life", and He condescended into His Creation, born of a virgin, sent to fulfill the law that fallen man could not do, and lay down His life as the PERFECT sacrifice, to actually take the wrath of God that justly abides on fallen man for our sin, this was so that in His perfect mercy and justice could come together in glory on the cross, then 3 days latter defeated death by resurrecting from the dead, to live forever, so that all that believe, all those the come to Him are reborn of the Spirit, all of us once unable to please God at all, now reborn in His Spirit in power, and commanded to "Go make disciples of ALL nations" for His glory. Now able to see why our brothers behaviors disgust us, but also now able to see who they are in truth, that they are also created in Gods image, and you see they are just in the flesh like you were, but when God Gives us this gift, grants us repentance to see the futility of everything we do outside of Him, He changes our hearts so we can carry this message to a world that can NEVER "figure it out" in the flesh.
I just want to pray for you, I am writing it down, but I am praying to God out loud where I am.
Father, I love you and I praise you in Jesus name only by Your power. I thank you for everything you've blessed us with in open handed love. I pray Father, with all my heart that you bring your peace and power into Milee777's heart, please grant her the strength to love like you love, see others as you see us, and help her to see how vital she is in the lives of those around her, Lord I ask that you help her to see how all these hard things around her, all this bad she sees, has seen, felt, and feels, show her how you use these things to mold us into the people we are, and that it's ALL for a purpose, it's all for Your glory, but in Your glory we are made whole, we are made complete as You created us to be. I pray that Your Spirit be poured out on her, on her family, that Your power be made manifest in this world as it is in heaven. Father I cry out for this sister whose words break my heart because she is crying out for You in the midst of her troubles, Jesus I pray in Your name that she be made strong in Your name, to testify of Your glory and Your kingdom that will know NO END. I thank you and praise you for everything You are, and EVERYTHING that you do, I pray this all in the mighty name of our King, Jesus. Amen
I hope you have a good day sister, seek His face continually sister, He's preparing you for something, keep seeking His face, He is the truth.