The Fear of Being Alone

I'm sure I'm not the first, nor the only person on this forum to live with a fear of never finding a partner to marry. Maybe I'm preaching to the choir, or I'm being entirely alien, but I'm sure many of you, like me, struggle with the idea of not being good enough. We doubt ourselves, doubt our worth and that's what the Devil wants us to do. Always remember, you have value in that you are God's. No matter what, you will always have value and no matter what lies the Devil whispers into our ears we should never forget who our father is.

So, if like me, you find yourself down and despairing, know that's where the Devil wants you. He wants you to give up, to give up on finding a partner, to distract you from your calling and neglect your relationship with God and possibly worse. By accepting the notion you are not good enough, you are accepting what the Devil is trying to trick you into believing. When you break yourself down, you are demolishing the temple within you, which the Devil wants nothing more than to do.

You have value, nothing will ever change that. God loves you, and you'll never 'die alone' like I have often said to myself because, as my city's famous slogan goes "You'll never walk alone". You're never alone, because you shall always have God and he is enough.

You are still quite young to be living with a fear of never finding a partner to marry. It would be best to finish your education, perhaps travel a little and then seriously start to work, develop discipline and establish security, both for yourself and the woman who will one day become your wife. The best counsel that I can provide is to allow God to search and find the woman of your heart's desire and then be prepared to act when the opportunity arises. Of course, this may not happen for a period of time but it is never to early to prepare yourself to one day become the best husband possible to your future wife. For many that may meet you they might indeed believe that you are not good enough in their eyes but the important thing to know is, like you have said, you have great worth in the eyes of God and the woman that is out there that you will one day meet will think that you are the cat's meow.

The worst thing to do is find a date or spouse out of fear of being alone.

The best way to get over fear of being alone is to learn to do things alone. Stop putting your life on hold until you get married. Go out to eat by yourself (and put the phone AWAY, eat and pay attention to the world around you.) All the places you would want to go to on a date someday, go there yourself, now.

Learn to live now. If/when you get married you will have an actual life to share with your spouse instead of depending on the spouse to make your life for you. And you will learn being alone is not so terrifying.

Some of us aren't born tall and handsome , we just have to work harder than those people. Good luck to you brother

Look around at the average married person. They're not all models and athletes. Nor are they all rocket scientists. Most married people I see are average. Just like the rest of us.
In fact most married women I see hold zero appeal to me. But two average people found something extraordinary in each other. And that's something muscles, perfect hair and teeth, etc... can't dictate.

Chillax. The more fear, the lower the chance to have someone.
God didn't let me find someone until i stopped pushing the issue.
U got to be ready to sacrifice and deal with a relationship. It aint easy.

Good for you Demi, God bless..

And said like a Father would to his child.

Well you still young brother dont be panic n worry let His time comes n put all to Him.
Enjoy your young age n be focus on GOD n your work to Him. Let Him become your priority in live amen 😊

To be honest I would rather be single than hurry up and marry just anyone because that's what culture/society dictates. Believe me the pressure of getting married has been put on me and I have learned to take it in stride. I have friends and classmates who got married young and years later ended up separated because of immaturity, irreconcilable differences and the usual reason 'he/she changed'.
I have told my parents that I will get married in God's time. That seemed to placate them. And the fact that I prefer to travel and focus on building a career than look for a mate. I believe if you meet the one, anywhere at any time then you'll just know no need to look for him. God will find a way, I always say

Is that a leash?

I would rather be alone than be with someone who was a bad fit, especislly if there were children involved. There’s too many examples of the bad type of relationships around me.

No. It’s a medal.

As someone who's had the spirit of rejection cast on me throughout my life, I can definitely identify with this. I've had no friends for most of my childhood, and none at my school for the past two years. Anyone I try to show God's love to stabs me in my back. Psalm 35 has been a repetitive prayer on my list. I grew weary and made the stupid mistake of thinking that since God wouldn't answer my prayers, I'd answer them myself. I went online dating, initially without letting my parents know, but they eventually found out, and empathized with me. I started and ended my very first relationship with an atheist I met online. He didn't hold much respect for me, but I felt as if that was all I deserved. I figured that it was better than being alone, because I've been alone, and truly alone for most of my short life. Now, here I am again, back at square one. My mother told me that God can't answer my prayers for companionship yet b/c it's not my season. But whenever God tells me to wait, I just think He's not going to do it. I've been waiting on healing from my illness for the past 14 years. I know God is real, but my trust in Him is pretty much nonexistent. I thought that this year, my senior year, was supposed to be the best for me b/c I get to get away from all that fake friends who talk about me and do nothing but bully me until they need something. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been praying and crying out to God for naught it seems. And I'm just tired.

Being so desperate at such a young age the last thing you need is a romantic relationship. Perhaps God is protecting you, because having a bad mindset and entering into a relationship is nothing but pain.
I struggled a long time with various issues that affected my ability to make right decisions romantically and they all ended painfully. And it was My fault because I had no business being in them to begin with, and I knew it.
Much like your first romantic endeavour. You snuck behind your parents back, engaged in a relationship with one opposed to your beliefs, allowed yourself to be mistreated and all before you're even 18.

Relationships don't provide acceptance, fulfillment or any such thing. Marriage is about your ability to sacrifice for another, not what another does for you.

Neither physical healing nor marriage are promised. To spend your life waiting and focused and basing your faith on either is really a false faith.

Then what do you suggest? Your statements, while logical, sound like a reiteration of what my mother has been saying. While you're telling me what I'm doing wrong, there seems to be no advice, or either advice that doesn't really seem like advice at all, like, "Pray." or "Be Patient." or "God has much in store for you." I've been told to try hanging out with my friends. I've tried that, then my mother told me that I shouldn't have ignored my discernment which told me the people that I hung out with didn't care about me. So, i tried making more friends. The same occurred. My real friends are busy and unavailable and I'd rather not burden them with my issues. What outlet do you suggest? A psychologist? A teacher? My family? Done, done, and done. I'm no idiot, and while I know that it's in my flesh to commit error, it truly seems and feels like all my resources have been exhausted. The school psychologist told me I struggled with depression, while not surprising, is quite honestly none of her business. She concurred this with information not shared by me, but my parent. I'm generally a very private person. I only tell people things on a need-to-know basis. I've improved this habit, but I still didn't appreciate some of the information shared about ME without MY permission. The point is that there is no one for me to socialize with. My mother has me hanging all my hopes on next school year, college. However, I've been conditioned to not have great expectations (I'm well aware of the scripture that says that God can do exceeding abundantly above all...). Yet, here I am. I know how blessed I am for what I already have, but I can't help wishing for other things that it seems God doesn't want to give me.

Has anyone ever suggested that maybe your being such a private person contributes to your isolation and feelings of rejection? I know for me I've realized that I find it easy to isolate myself and get lonely, but I also rarely allow people to be there for me when I'm in need. Like you I think my issues are too small to bother people with. For what it's worth, I would also say that college will be better (the post-college adjustment can be rough though). For most people they're exposed to a much greater diversity of people and there are lots of groups to join for various interests so it's easier to find people you have something in common with if you put forth the the effort.

So if no one has told you yet, there's nothing wrong with being alone (and if you've got a parent and school psychologist who are discussing your life because they care about you, you aren't completely alone). In fact alone is far better and more stable than losing or compromising yourself just to get an unhealthy person to stay with you so that you won't be alone. But isolation isn't good. One of the best ways to feel connected though is to find ways to give to others. Is there something you could do to help your fellow students and school? Could you get involved with something at church (or maybe just get involved with a church)? And ultimately faith in God means that we trust that when God says no to something we want, he's smarter than we are and has a good reason for saying no. And we also have Biblical expectations of God, but you don't have to read very much of the Bible to realize that life always being plesant, happy, or easy or people being consistently kind and good isn't a very Biblical expectation. And one last bit of advice, always be willing to consider that your perception of a situation could be wrong.

So then you have tried everything that your mother has suggested, other than Prayer and being patient... Go figure, huh...

I suspect any attempts at advice will be met with the same level of dismissive irritation. But that doesn't mean i won't try anyways.

Firstly i would say, don't get into a relationship right now unless you want to be hurt again. I thought that was clear in my original post, which would be advice. And good advice.
Next i wouldn't say that God will have more in store for you. I had a similar mindset as you when i was a teen, and i can say things have not, in fact, gotten better for me. Sometimes they do for some people, for others, not so much. In fact I'd say i'm worse off now than i used to be. And definitely part of that is on me. Not only the way you act, but how you respond can have an affect, so my first piece of advice is to look at yourself. This isn't about putting yourself down but introspection to see what role you may be playing in the issue you're having.
For example, the way you present yourself to others. When you maintain an attitude that you won't 'burden' others with your problems, that could make you seem closed off, detached, defensive. Not qualities than generally attract others. Sharing our burdens, up to a point, can actually help in forming closer connections with others.
Also try setting the example, if you want people to open up, try opening up to them first. For example i'm pretty open about myself, my problems, my struggles, etc... as a result people open up to me. Because of my own willingness to share you wouldn't believe the number of times i've heard statements such as 'i have literally never told anyone this......'.
So, take these examples as advice. Being open fosters openness and sharing burdens increases closeness.

Also by sharing burdens you don't hold all that negativity inside where it festers and grows, but rather you get to air it out. And sometimes realize how many others may have similar issues. Or get good advice. Just start small. If you're concerned about feeling vulnerable only share a bit that's not too personal and see how that person handles it. And assuming they do well, then gradually increase how much you share as they earn trust.

Be aware what you think, focus on and feel affects your body language as well. Your very body language may be off putting and creating a barrier or being a discouragement from others wanting to spend time with you.

So there's some advice as a starting point to possibly change things for you.

And so you know i've had depression for 25 years, anxiety for 15 years, i'm shy and introverted and lack self confidence. I haven't had friends where i live in 10 years and have heath issues. I've been in a variety of romantic relationships and have been CRUSHED many, many times by them, most of which i never should have been involved in to begin with.
I get the struggle and have been battling it for a very long time. I've learned some things along the way.

I'm not sure how you got that they haven't prayed or tried to be patient out of that. All i heard was that's all they keep hearing, not that they haven't done it.