Then what do you suggest? Your statements, while logical, sound like a reiteration of what my mother has been saying. While you're telling me what I'm doing wrong, there seems to be no advice, or either advice that doesn't really seem like advice at all, like, "Pray." or "Be Patient." or "God has much in store for you." I've been told to try hanging out with my friends. I've tried that, then my mother told me that I shouldn't have ignored my discernment which told me the people that I hung out with didn't care about me. So, i tried making more friends. The same occurred. My real friends are busy and unavailable and I'd rather not burden them with my issues. What outlet do you suggest? A psychologist? A teacher? My family? Done, done, and done. I'm no idiot, and while I know that it's in my flesh to commit error, it truly seems and feels like all my resources have been exhausted. The school psychologist told me I struggled with depression, while not surprising, is quite honestly none of her business. She concurred this with information not shared by me, but my parent. I'm generally a very private person. I only tell people things on a need-to-know basis. I've improved this habit, but I still didn't appreciate some of the information shared about ME without MY permission. The point is that there is no one for me to socialize with. My mother has me hanging all my hopes on next school year, college. However, I've been conditioned to not have great expectations (I'm well aware of the scripture that says that God can do exceeding abundantly above all...). Yet, here I am. I know how blessed I am for what I already have, but I can't help wishing for other things that it seems God doesn't want to give me.
I suspect any attempts at advice will be met with the same level of dismissive irritation. But that doesn't mean i won't try anyways.
Firstly i would say, don't get into a relationship right now unless you want to be hurt again. I thought that was clear in my original post, which would be advice. And good advice.
Next i wouldn't say that God will have more in store for you. I had a similar mindset as you when i was a teen, and i can say things have not, in fact, gotten better for me. Sometimes they do for some people, for others, not so much. In fact I'd say i'm worse off now than i used to be. And definitely part of that is on me. Not only the way you act, but how you respond can have an affect, so my first piece of advice is to look at yourself. This isn't about putting yourself down but introspection to see what role you may be playing in the issue you're having.
For example, the way you present yourself to others. When you maintain an attitude that you won't 'burden' others with your problems, that could make you seem closed off, detached, defensive. Not qualities than generally attract others. Sharing our burdens, up to a point, can actually help in forming closer connections with others.
Also try setting the example, if you want people to open up, try opening up to them first. For example i'm pretty open about myself, my problems, my struggles, etc... as a result people open up to me. Because of my own willingness to share you wouldn't believe the number of times i've heard statements such as 'i have literally never told anyone this......'.
So, take these examples as advice. Being open fosters openness and sharing burdens increases closeness.
Also by sharing burdens you don't hold all that negativity inside where it festers and grows, but rather you get to air it out. And sometimes realize how many others may have similar issues. Or get good advice. Just start small. If you're concerned about feeling vulnerable only share a bit that's not too personal and see how that person handles it. And assuming they do well, then gradually increase how much you share as they earn trust.
Be aware what you think, focus on and feel affects your body language as well. Your very body language may be off putting and creating a barrier or being a discouragement from others wanting to spend time with you.
So there's some advice as a starting point to possibly change things for you.
And so you know i've had depression for 25 years, anxiety for 15 years, i'm shy and introverted and lack self confidence. I haven't had friends where i live in 10 years and have heath issues. I've been in a variety of romantic relationships and have been CRUSHED many, many times by them, most of which i never should have been involved in to begin with.
I get the struggle and have been battling it for a very long time. I've learned some things along the way.
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no need to look for him. God will find a way, I always say
