So Just What IS Loneliness, Anyway? (Loneliness Defined.)

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Loneliness... What Is It and When Do You Feel It?

  • I feel lonely when I'm by myself.

    Votes: 7 35.0%

  • I don't feel lonely when I'm by myself.

    Votes: 6 30.0%

  • I feel lonely when I am around other people.

    Votes: 7 35.0%

  • I don't feel lonely when I am around other people.

    Votes: 1 5.0%

  • I feel lonely all the time, with or without people. (What would change that?)

    Votes: 4 20.0%

  • I don't feel lonely very often. (What's your secret?)

    Votes: 3 15.0%

  • Loneliness is a situation (such as, being around people vs. being alone.)

    Votes: 2 10.0%

  • Loneliness is a state of mind (feeling lonely no matter what your situation.)

    Votes: 7 35.0%

  • Loneliness is something I can change.

    Votes: 5 25.0%

  • Loneliness is something I have no control over--it's just there, or it isn't.

    Votes: 4 20.0%
  • Total voters
    20
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#62
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#62
seoulsearch said:
I think the general thought is that if we have people in our life, and sometimes even the more people, the better, we won't have any problems with loneliness.

Ironically, one of the biggest things that's helped me over the past few years is to slowly distance myself from one-side relationships. For example, I had a "friend" who called me and literally talked for an hour straight, and not once in that entire time did she ever ask anything about me or my life. After we hung up, I thought about the fact that our entire "friendship" had been pretty much been that way, and so that was a tie I chose to cut off.

I have nothing against people talking, of course--it just has to be a mutual, because I've found that just listening 100% of the time greatly contributes to my loneliness. I've also worked to distance myself from people whose unhealthy actions and/or frames of mind I knew I was actually enabling instead of helping, and I've had much more peace since then.

Yes, it's definitely led to me having far fewer people in my life, but I also feel a bit more clarity and focus.

However, I do struggle with the thought of selfishness, because I know that God calls us to serve, and we often do that best when we are giving to someone who can't, or won't, give back--even in the form of a one-sided conversation.

And yet, I also know that I have limited energy, so trying to find that balance of trying to be there for people, especially when they have nothing to give, and yet taking care of myself enough to be able to do so is always a personal challenge.
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Oh don't I know it, monologueish kinds of interactions though can be entertaining and enjoyable for a bit, become so one sided, they can also leave me feeling like my presence or input are not required or wanted. I am not suggesting that I don't have moments when I do come across a genuine listener, one invested or at least interested in my thoughts on a manner, that I never abuse that moment and ramble on as like a kid in a candy store. I also prefer asking questions and hear anothers thoughts, but a balanced conversation, bouncing ideas off one another, going back and forth, like a fun game of ping pong refreshes the senses and leaves you wanting more, especially if laughter is included.

So yeah, I definitely get what you are saying....
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#68
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#68
Tommy379 said:
Because it tells me they are interested in me.
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On a serious note, I do think that conversation is really a skill and a dying art, and with the advent of texting and Twitter, is actually something that has to be taught and learned, rather than assumed.

In an age where people are supposedly connected to everything, it seems like all it's producing is even more disconnect, and, just in my own observation, most people will jump at the chance to feel like they are connecting with someone.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#70
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#70
CharliRenee said:
You 2 are funny, how you banter with eachother.
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To me, this is the best thing about the forums.

And when I find people I can banter with, I tend to keep going back to them because I know they'll just dish it right back. :D

That, and of course, I have to test the limits to see what I can get away with. :cool:
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#71
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#71
Tommy379 said:
Because it tells me they are interested in me.
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Yes, I agree. Except I'll include...it is very nice when any gender at any age shows an interest in our thoughts on a matter, huh? It shows such respect and care wanting to know the inner dwellings of another. Rut Roh, I dived into the deep end.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#73
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#73
seoulsearch said:
To me, this is the best thing about the forums.

And when I find people I can banter with, I tend to keep going back to them because I know they'll just dish it right back. :D

That, and of course, I have to test the limits to see what I can get away with. :cool:
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Well as a forum participant, who probably isn't as equipped to dish or take it, I derive much pleasure and ability in appreciating a fun, light hearted, no malicious intent, verbal spar.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#75
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#75
CharliRenee said:
Well as a forum participant, who probably isn't as equipped to dish or take it, I derive much pleasure and ability in appreciating a fun, light hearted, no malicious intent, verbal spar.
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Seoulsearch hits like Razor Roddock.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#76
May 23, 2009
16,440
5,387
113
#76
Tommy379 said:
It's real, but it has velcro sewn into all the seams.
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So what happens if you get in a fight with a criminal and he pulls a little too hard at your uniform?

Uh, maybe I shouldn't ask.

But then again, I need to live up to my fancy schmancy new CC title.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#77
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#77
seoulsearch said:
So what happens if you get in a fight with a criminal and he pulls a little too hard at your uniform?

Uh, maybe I shouldn't ask.

But then again, I need to live up to my fancy schmancy new CC title.
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U do indeed, lol.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#78
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#78
seoulsearch said:
So what happens if you get in a fight with a criminal and he pulls a little too hard at your uniform?

Uh, maybe I shouldn't ask.

But then again, I need to live up to my fancy schmancy new CC title.
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The question you should be asking is if I'm available for your birthday party.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#80
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,176
113
#80
seoulsearch said:
So what happens if you get in a fight with a criminal and he pulls a little too hard at your uniform?

Uh, maybe I shouldn't ask.

But then again, I need to live up to my fancy schmancy new CC title.
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Oh and what you asked Tommy, you could imagine a uniform put together with velcro would prove to be a brilliant approach to de-escalating a matter. Can you imagine how that wouldn't put him in the drivers seat, leaving them unsure of what to do or how to react, lol??
 
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